to think it is unacceptable to leave a 12 year old and 9 year old home alone with a 12 month old baby

[PinkElephant73]

It is half term this week and someone I know went out during the day, leaving their 2 older children age 9 and 12 alone with their 12 month old baby sibling who was asleep having a nap while the parent was out. The parent was out on 2 separate occasions for a period of about 30 minutes, but says they were no more than 10 minutes from home either time and the older children could have contacted them on their mobile phone if there was a problem. They do not seem to think there is anything to worry about with the above scenario.

Is it just me or is this totally irresponsible? what would you do if this was your friend?

I thought the baby was asleep?

Can the baby climb out of the cot?

Can't you tell your older children that they don't take the baby out of her cot until their father is back home? Strict rule.

If the baby woke up though, couldn't the 12 year old have phoned him to come home? If the worry if they would pick up the baby, then tell them not to get him out of the cot.

I wouldn't have a problem with it occasionally. I wouldn't consider it "totally unacceptable" as OP describes. I don't really think this sort of thing should be held up for public debate. I'd rather there was scope for personal risk assessment, not a premise of one-rule-to-fit-all.

Unless the baby can climb out of the cot or the 12yo is not to be trusted, it doesn't seem a huge problem to me. My dd at 12 would have been well capable of entertaining a baby in his cot whilst making a phone call to her dad to come home.

hmm maybe your h needs that head space and has to go to run otherwise he will freak out with 3 Dc all day long?
maybe better he goes for run and then attends to them and deals with them well rest of the day?

from safety of Dc i really dont see an issue - baby sleeping; 12 year old presumably responsible.

but what are the other issues going on here?

Yes, well, knowing that it's your DH puts a very different spin on things, because presumably you know the 12 year old as well as he does! :)

I think that in general, each parent has an equal right to make parenting decisions when they are the one in charge. BUT, when it's an issue of safety, and the two parents disagree on what's 'safe enough', the parent in charge should err on the side of caution and do what both parents would be comfortable with.

The safest common denominator between the two opposing opinions, if that makes sense.

I would have a problem with this, i don't agree with children ( however capable) under 16 having this level of responsibility thrust upon them, even if they they are accepting of it and want to do it.

This is probably due to my own shady unbringing, but none the less, i don't think it is great parenting.

And to do it because he wanted to go for a run! [shocked] selfish parent.

It's one thing to leave them to nip to the shops for milk, to pursue a leisure activity is fing outrageous! ESP if you have agreed as a couple not to.

... which is to say that in my opinion, it was fair enough for your DH to make a call on this in the first instance, but now that he knows you're not comfortable with it, he would be unreasonable to do it again.

My 12yr old would be fine to do this, and i'd be happy to let her, if it was a sibling.

I wouldn't have a friend like you, OP, that's for sure. What a judgemental person you are... without any knowledge of the situation or circumstances.

I agree with you OP in principle, I have a DD(12) and DD(2).
DD(12) is perfectly capable, independant, mature, etc to mind her sister for this length of time - I just wouldn't do it because of the 'what if's'.

Going for a run is not a good enough reason to do this either.

Although it is up to each individual to assess the situation and if they are happy to do it, it's not anyone else's business.

Meh, so what?

I'm going to go against the majority view here, and say your DH was BU.

He left a baby in the care of a child. A 12 year old is not responsible, legally if something had happened to a very young child (fire, accident, choking etc, these things do happen), your DH would be responsible/guilty of leaving the DC without supervision, and I can assure you SS would take a pretty dim view if something had happened.

A baby or very young child should never be left in the care of another child.

There is no law stating the age at which a child/children can be left at home but is is an offence to leave a child in a situation where they may come to harm, and this can leave you open to prosecution if a child (anyone under the age of 18, but even more so if the child is under the age of 16), is left in charge of younger children.

Yes, we may all have babysat at the age of 11 or 12 back in the day, but it's no longer acceptable these days.

nipping out for milk is as bad, put the baby in a pram and take them along, or send the 12yo for the milk. (assuming the shop is 10min away like op).

I think I'd be more worried about the 12 and 9 year old winding each other up to be honest.

Anyway, it really depends on the maturity of the 12 year old.

I have a 12 and 2 year old (13 and 3 next month).

Till now we've always asked FIL to babysit, but the last couple of times, DS1 has done the whole bedtime routine for his little brother, including texting us to say he's asleep. He is more capable than FIL. DS1 has friends who cannot even be left in the house alone yet.

Can't wait until I feel truly comfortable leaving DS2 with DS1. Then I can start marathon training!

How many fires, accidents or choking incidents are likely to happen to a baby asleep in a cot?

YABU. But I suppose it depends on the 12 year old, and you will know how mature your 12 year old DC is.

I left dd1 with 12 year old DSD (actually she was still 11 at the time I think) whilst I went to the shop a 15 minute walk away, several times. (15 minutes there and back). DD1 was asleep in her cot, and DSD had the intercom in the living room with her. Nothing happened, dd1 is now 8 and still alive to tell the tale. DSD was mature for her age though, and I trusted her.

I read these sort of threads sometimes and wonder why I put DD1 in childcare. By the standards of some on here, if I left her in her cot, I could quite merrily have gone to work safe in the knowledge that she couldn't get out and the house was highly unlikely to catch fire or be burgled.

I could have saved a fortune.

So actually, your question is "AIBU to expect DH to spend time with DC rather than go out running?"

Yes, leaving a baby asleep in a cot for 30 minutes with capable older children in the house is exactly the same as leaving them alone for 8+ hours.

Rita, it shouldn't be about numbers, it is just the fact an accident could and has happened before when children have looked after younger siblings that should make people think twice about doing this.

I wouldn't want to put my child in that position, if anything went wrong, i suspect it would damage them in a way i couldn't make up for it, so no, i would never do that.

Sorry if I missed a post from OP saying the baby was in a cot but it's likely baby could have been in bed and able to get up? At that age all of mine would wake up from a nap (in bed) and get up to find Mum/Dad - I wouldn't risk it.

Yep, and the ones who don't leave them with anyone? Get a neighbour to pop in every four hours to feed them, what can go wrong?