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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my daughter in law has very unrealistic views.

331 replies

Mindymum · 14/02/2012 22:18

I had a bit of an arguement with my dil, this evening. She lives around the corner from my own daughter and I live about 10 mins up the road.
I visit my daughter most days as she has a small baby and older dc, my dil also has a baby and other children.

I haven't actually seen my grandchildren from my son and dil since the very beginning of January when they last came round to me. My dil feels that I don't bother with her dc. I don't really take them out or anything because I feel it's something she should do with her own mother. She has a bad relationship with her own mum and I don't see why I should have to take the place of her mum when I have my own daughter to think about.

My own daughter is much needier and doesn't have a great deal of friends where as my dil does seem to have some good friends. I do baby sit for my son and dil but the dc are usually in bed when I get there. I've been trying to explain to my dil that the relationship between me and my daughter is different to the one with my son and although I love them both very much it's natural to do more with my daughter's dc then theirs.

OP posts:
dearjane · 14/02/2012 22:19

YABU.

(I post on the basis that this is genuine and not a thread about a thread/reverse AIBU or whatever, which it does smack of).

Themumsnot · 14/02/2012 22:20

I hope this is a reverse AIBU. Because if not you are being very U indeed. But since I rather assume it is indeed the DIL posting, I won't bother to expand.

topknob · 14/02/2012 22:20

You know damn well you are excluding her and her children, how mean of you !

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/02/2012 22:21

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lollilou · 14/02/2012 22:21

Yabvu but this post does not seem genuine to me either.

mumblechum1 · 14/02/2012 22:21

But surely they're all your grandchildren? I don't really get the distinction.

MateyMooo · 14/02/2012 22:21

i think she's right. i would feel the same. No offence to you, but its the relationship with the children is what would hack me off, it is different, and while the kids wont see it while they are small they will definatley see it when they get bigger. just cos she has a bad realtionship with her own mum doesnt mean that she is incapable of a relationship with me. and if you dont actually like her... tough. she is the mother of your grandchildren and you should be acting more maturely.

G1nger · 14/02/2012 22:22

You're being a dick. Totally.

BrandyAlexander · 14/02/2012 22:22

Is this a reverse AIBU? OP, are you dil?

Mumof1plustwins · 14/02/2012 22:22

I'll jump in and say yabu
It's sounds like you favor your dd over your ds
Maybe that is how dil is taking it too?
IMO you should try to see all your grandchildren equally?

MissingHaversham · 14/02/2012 22:22

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Message deleted by Mumsnet.

dearprudence · 14/02/2012 22:22

Is this for real? Sounds like a reverse to me too.

Your son's children and daughter's children should receive equal treatment as a default. There could be circumstances where your daughter's children need more time from you, but what you've posted here wouldn't justify it.

HappyCamel · 14/02/2012 22:23

I think it's really sad that she is turning to you for love and support when she can't get that from her own mum and you are refusing that based on stereotypes and assumptions and because you don't want to treat you children equally. You should try to treat your grandchildren equally and that will mean changing your attitude about your DIL.

I feel really sad for your family. Your behaviour could be quite divisive. It must be hard for your son and daughter to be close when they are treated so differently.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 14/02/2012 22:23

You are wierd. For lots of reasons.

DialsMavis · 14/02/2012 22:24

Blatant reverse AIBU...

EmilyStrange · 14/02/2012 22:24

Wow I hope this isn't true. And I hope to god I treat my sons' kids the same as I would treat my daughter's.

workshy · 14/02/2012 22:24

pressuming this isn't a reverse thread...

your daughter is more needy? you obviously think very highly of her then?
perhaps your DIL just does't let you run her life like your daughter does so you chose not to go round and see her and your grandchildren and she has realised this is the case and pulled you on it?

OveranxiousUnderated · 14/02/2012 22:24

YABU.

P.s. Are you my MIL?!!

Anonymumous · 14/02/2012 22:24

You are being horrendously unreasonable. Why on Earth should your daughter's children merit more attention than your son's? I sincerely hope this post is a wind-up, because you sound like you have some serious issues...

ProPerformer · 14/02/2012 22:24

Surely the grandchildren are the main concern here and you should be seeing them all equally regardless!?! Or am I missing something?

ChaosTrulyReigns · 14/02/2012 22:24

You post has made me very sad.

Both sets of grandchildren have 50% of their heritage from your family. Why do your DD's offspring get precedence?

Sad

Please readjust your thinking on this.

SuePurblybilt · 14/02/2012 22:24

It's a reverse one the bitterness always seeps through

ShellyBoobs · 14/02/2012 22:24

YABVVVVU!

How mean spirited!

Why on earth would it be 'natural' to favour one of your DC's children over the other's?

PacificDogwood · 14/02/2012 22:25

YABU.

Your son and your daughter are both your children, yes? They both have had children themselves ie your grandchildren.
Why on earth would you make a difference between how much you see the respective sets of children??

Weird. Unless it's a reverse AIBU, in which case it's sneaky

LaurieFairyCake · 14/02/2012 22:25

It's not 'natural' to spend less time with one set of grandchildren, it's just what you're telling yourself.

Youre not doing the right thing but I'm sure you don't need a bunch of strangers to tell you that.