To think my daughter in law has very unrealistic views.

[Mindymum]

I had a bit of an arguement with my dil, this evening. She lives around the corner from my own daughter and I live about 10 mins up the road.
I visit my daughter most days as she has a small baby and older dc, my dil also has a baby and other children.

I haven't actually seen my grandchildren from my son and dil since the very beginning of January when they last came round to me. My dil feels that I don't bother with her dc. I don't really take them out or anything because I feel it's something she should do with her own mother. She has a bad relationship with her own mum and I don't see why I should have to take the place of her mum when I have my own daughter to think about.

My own daughter is much needier and doesn't have a great deal of friends where as my dil does seem to have some good friends. I do baby sit for my son and dil but the dc are usually in bed when I get there. I've been trying to explain to my dil that the relationship between me and my daughter is different to the one with my son and although I love them both very much it's natural to do more with my daughter's dc then theirs.

You get what you invest. Put little effort in with your DIL and her kids - you will get little back. My MIL is just like you and it used to upset me but at the end of the day she is the one to loose out. Her bond with my kids is non existant and that is of her making.

one of the saddest things of this whole thread is that there seems to be LOTS of horrible MIL's about, just like the op, who favour their lazy arsed daughters over their decent caring DIL's

maybe all the AIBU threads about the awfulness of some MIL's are truer than we thought....

skyblue, too true

my MIL couldn't be bothered with my kids and now she's dead she isn't missed at all by them, never ever mentioned by them either, they didn't cry at her funeral either

Unbelievable attitude - hope Karma finds you soon!

I think it's such a shame that you feel the way you do : for your grandchildren who just want and deserve the same love and time from their grandparent that their cousins get (and they will notice the difference quite soon) ; for your son who has only one parent around now and that parent is clearly showing favour to his sister ; for your dil, who wants to spend time with you (which is rare to hear on mumsnet believe me!) and is clearly making an effort.

I'm not saying that shouldn't feel more love for your daughter than your dil because naturally you probably will but to treat your grandchildren so differently because one set belongs to your daughter rather than your son is surely not fair. When families merge through marriage/children, you have to make an effort to include and treat fairly your new extended family. As a dil, I have to do this and make sure both sets of parents/grandparents are treated fairly and equally

Reverse aibu pointed out very early on but op has not taken nOtice and being oh so civil.
Boring

Regardless of the relationship with the parents i.e daughter, daughter in law, son etc, you really should treat all of your GC the same! To not do so will breed contempt in your DC & your GC.

Mindymum My mil was my mentor and inspiration. She taught me so much just by example, so much more than my own "real mother" ever taught me.

Not seeing your grandkids in over six weeks, when you live ten minutes away, but seeing the other ones several times a week sends a message to all involved.

Hmmm !! My mother in law is just like you, but now she's the one losing out because my daughter is at the age where she can make up her own mind and she has decided she hates going to see her.

This doesn't feel for real - advocating such blatant favouritism.

Made me want to check you out Witch000!

I see you've posted on and off since August - but mainly in holiday time.

I agree with those who have suggested you include your DIL more. Get all the DGC together and spend time with them while DD and DIL go off for a coffee or something?

I'm not as close to MIL as her daughters are but my DS is as close to her as her other DGC and she would never favour one over any of the others.

I hope you're around in the future to explain to your grandchildren the reasoning behind this.

YABU

My MIL is a bit like this.... except she doesn't have any daughters but uses that "maternal grans are closer to DGC than paternal ones" gem of an excuse to not really bother much with her sons's DC.

Her loss, although it frustrates the brain out of me!

MNHQ, what's up with the really interesting censorship on this thread? You seen to be going to a new extreme in deleting posts. As you well know, I loathe the baying hounds of MN troll hunters who rampage all over a thread screaming "troll, troll" and hurl abuse, so in a strange way I suppose I should applaud the deletion zeal on this thread, but really - you allow thoroughly nasty threads to stand until an OP is in tears, but you're all over deleting a post that said "this thread can't be real, are the troll hunters out yet?" --- I think you need to explain that.

*you seem

not "seen"

Eyeballs are barely awake.

I think both sets of grandchildren should be treated equally and I can't see why they wouldn't be regardless of if they are your son or daughters children, it would be unfair to treat them differently.

I can see that you would be closer to your daughter than you would be to your daughter in pas, however it doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to have a relationship with your daughter in law.

Bloody hell I don't think I've ever seen so many posts deleted on one thread.

It is a bit odd, isn't it. MNHQ...?

Is your heart made of stone?

YABU!

trois OTTmumm is correct. You share more genes with the same gender grandchildren through the opposite gendered children. Grandmother's son's daughters and Grandfather's daughter's sons.

Animation Not sure why you would want to check me out and comment about my posting habits ? Does it matter when I post ?

YABU - words fail me!!

Animation - witch000 is not the OP