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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Think Living Abroad is Rarely as Good as People Think it Will Be?

210 replies

lesley33 · 14/02/2012 14:59

I lived in Switzerland with young DCs. But the country you visit as a tourist and the country you actually LIVE in, are ime often quite different. We came back after 2 years. And I have spoken to many other people who have "discovered" things about living in a particular country that as tourists they were blind to.

For example, a friend returned from France after hating working there as she found the hierarchial, formal, non team working environment very difficult.

Visiting a country can be great and you can love many things about a country - the scenery, being family orientated, etc. But you don't often get to understand the negatives of a country. I have lost track of the amount of people I know or meet who say - i would love to live in x country - without any understanding of the realities. For example - no you wouldn't as x country is well known for having very negative attitudes towards people with SN like your DC.

So AIBU in getting frustrated at this. I know secretly I probably am as I was one of those people.

OP posts:
torchpaper · 14/02/2012 15:01

yy I am from "abroad" and live in UK and its not really all its cracked up to be.

Original poster
lesley33 · 14/02/2012 15:03

I am intrigued to know torchppaer what you don't like about the UK?

OP posts:
strandednomore · 14/02/2012 15:04

I used to live in St Lucia.
You can imagine what people thought my life was like!
And before you ask, no, it wasn't like being on one long holiday....I am now back in the UK and much happier!
So no, yanbu.

torchpaper · 14/02/2012 15:07

Lots of things lesley33. Hard to believe? It goes both ways.

TheParan0idAndr0id · 14/02/2012 15:09

I've lived "abroad" in various places all my adult life. I'm not sure why you assume we all have unrealistic expectations, granted plenty do, but not everyone.

You bring yourself wherever you go, and thats what defines your experience overall.

Original poster
lesley33 · 14/02/2012 15:10

No not at all hard to believe. I just know from experience of living in Switzerland that how as a foreigner I saw things, were very different from how most local people viewed things. So genuinely just wondering what you don't like.

OP posts:
JE001 · 14/02/2012 15:11

Bit of a generalisation, isn't it? I lived in other countries on two separate occasions, and both experiences were fantastic but for quite different reasons. But I'd agree that it's probably best not to set expectations too high - all countries and cultures have their good and bad points, after all.

Francagoestohollywood · 14/02/2012 15:12

I am Italian and I lived in the Uk for 8 yrs. Yes, living abroad can be hard, no matter how well you think you know the country you are moving to.

But living abroad is also immensely enriching, puts things into perspective, offers new ways of looking at things, etc.

If we had the opportunity to go back to the UK, I'd probably be happy to go back (only if it's London this time Grin

torchpaper · 14/02/2012 15:12

There are many things I like...just demonstrating that this may apply in the reverse.

Original poster
lesley33 · 14/02/2012 15:14

torchpaper - I know it does. I am not saying that the UK is perfect or even great - good and bad imo

OP posts:
MitchieInge · 14/02/2012 15:16

There Is No Place Like Home

this is a total aside, but why capitalise every initial in the title? is just curiosity, am not judging you either way Op

Original poster
lesley33 · 14/02/2012 15:17

mitchie - Don't know tbh

OP posts:
ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 14/02/2012 15:19

After watching that programme about poor people in the USA on BBC1 last night I know where I'm staying !!

wannaBe · 14/02/2012 15:20

I think it's this so often heard statement that "we want to move to x for a better life," even though they've never actually been there.

I've watched that wanted down under programme on bbc and am a bit Hmm at the people saying they've always dreamed of living in Australia, and then the bbc sends them there for a week. For the first time. I think people somehow think it'll all be like summer bay (except without the fact that all the children in Summer Bay appear to have wandered in off the streets and none of them have parents of their own so they all live at the caravan park/the beach house/eat in the diner every day).

People seem to overlook the fact that they'll still need to work/have debts etc, and that many of the things we take for granted here such as free healthcare are things you have to pay for in most other countries, but taxes aren't any lower so cost of living is often more expensive.

And interestingly most people I know or know of who live abroad (or people from abroad who live here) tend to make friends within their own groups i.e. all expats, as opposed to locals..

Tee2072 · 14/02/2012 15:21

I do live abroad, being an American in Belfast.

I love Belfast. I love Northern Ireland. I also hate Belfast and hate Northern Ireland.

It depends on what day you ask me and what is currently happening.

And capitalising the thread title is appropriate as it is, after all, a title! Grin

MitchieInge · 14/02/2012 15:21

thanks, was a passing thought!

everyone I know who has moved to the Uk for work or schools or whatever seems quite homesick a lot of the time so you are probably right op and similarly have some friends from Uk who seem to continent hop and never quite settle anywhere

mousymouseafraidofdogs · 14/02/2012 15:22

absolutely agree.
as a forriner in the uk, the grass is not greener on the other side.
I like it here though, even though there are a lot of things that could be improved. but the same goes for my country of origin.

Proudnscary · 14/02/2012 15:24

It is if you are house sitting for Hawaiin billionaires.

wannaBe · 14/02/2012 15:25

torch I think for you it's no different. you live in the UK, therefore, you are living abroad, iyswim.

I grew up in South Africa and I would move to other countries without hesitation, I think it's more the delusional people who believe that "abroad" (wherever that may be) somehow holds the key to a better life.

In South Africa I had a better life in that I lived outdoors/could do the water sports I love/could go to the beach/bbq every day if wanted. Lovely. But the price to pay for that is the fact I would have to have bars on the windows/a big dog/a gun under my pillow, public transport is unsafe, as is walking the streets alone during the day (let's not even talk about at night).

There's no such thing as the perfect life - there always has to be a compromise.

Fraktal · 14/02/2012 15:25

I live abroad, mostly I like it but as stranded says it's not a long holiday...

chibi · 14/02/2012 15:26

this is true. i have no idea how you manage it, tbh. things were different in my parents' day in that if you didn't like where you migrated to, well, tough. it was a one way journey mostly.

in my own case, the prospect of potentially being able to go home makes for some emotional angst at times

i do think it can take a lot longer than people imagine to settle in- i was here in the uk, having good and less good experiences, ups and downs etc etc for the better part of 7-8 years before it really felt like it was home

strandednomore · 14/02/2012 15:26

It really is same shit, different country.
Having said that, I think the experience of living abroad is worthwhile, even if you don't massively enjoy it at the time.
I just wouldn't necessarily suggest moving anywhere permanently until you have tried it first.

MiseryBusiness · 14/02/2012 15:27

I have recently moved to a different country.
I was told before coming here how amazing it would be, for me it has been anything but...
There is no place like home!

empirestateofmind · 14/02/2012 15:28

I live in Singapore and absolutely love it. When we eventually move back to England I will want to return to Asia every year for a holiday but I know it will never be the same.

cerys74 · 14/02/2012 15:29

YANBU!

I grew up in Dubai and you couldn't pay me to go back there now... I am still amazed by how many people think it must be the epitome of luxury but really it's tremendously rascist and fawns over anyone with money. Those of us without a fabulous figure/bank balance may as well not exist!

Living in a foreign country will ALWAYS be an unknown quantity as far as I'm concerned; however sometimes the good bits make up for all the bad :)

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