To Think Living Abroad is Rarely as Good as People Think it Will Be?

[lesley33]

I lived in Switzerland with young DCs. But the country you visit as a tourist and the country you actually LIVE in, are ime often quite different. We came back after 2 years. And I have spoken to many other people who have "discovered" things about living in a particular country that as tourists they were blind to.

For example, a friend returned from France after hating working there as she found the hierarchial, formal, non team working environment very difficult.

Visiting a country can be great and you can love many things about a country - the scenery, being family orientated, etc. But you don't often get to understand the negatives of a country. I have lost track of the amount of people I know or meet who say - i would love to live in x country - without any understanding of the realities. For example - no you wouldn't as x country is well known for having very negative attitudes towards people with SN like your DC.

So AIBU in getting frustrated at this. I know secretly I probably am as I was one of those people.

My sister lives in Australia and she always says that people think her life is one long holiday, lazing on the beach, because that's what they associate Australia with in their heads. She says they forget that you still have to go to work, pay the bills blahdeblah like you do back in the UK.

OP
You are definitely NOT being unreasonable!

There was a woman on here a while back saying, "we love the Dordogne, thinking if buying a place there, don't speak French...what do you think?"

I was .

I live in France (Paris, not the back of beyond) and just as an example, I cannot easily (i.e. At any of the four local supermarkets) buy:
Skimmed milk
Fresh pesto
Coriander
Chilli peppers
Tandoori paste
Chives
Bagels
Horseradish sauce

All stuff you would find in any branch if Sainsbos ANYWHERE in the British Isles.

Ok, no biggie, but when that woman tips up in Rural France and realises that shopping when you are on holiday and enjoying the rustic markets and delightful local produce is not possible 365 days a year and sometimes it would be great ro be able to get a bortle of skimmed milk withiut driving to an upmarket, bijou grocers.

Enlightening first reply torchpaper state the obvious why don't ya?

Oops, sorry, having a bad one see my work thread

I've lived in various places and the only two I'd actively avoid again are Switzerland and Wales! Perhaps I should steer clear of all mountainous regions?

I tend to go native very quickly, so not being able to buy familiar foods bothers me rarely - usually when I crave a bacon sarnie - and I like being hard to classify socially. It gives you the option to fit in with all kinds of different people, so you can get to know the country from all sides iyswim.

I worked in a fairly low-status job in Brazil and felt quite nervous about the precarious economy. My boss was lovely but had a huge amount of control over her staff's wellbeing; it felt a bit like feudalism (she footed the doctor's bill if she agreed you were sick, for eg) and I came back for our better social stability. Which is starting to look like a bad joke.

But - at the end of a hard day, I kicked off my shoes and walked along a beautiful tropical beach. That's worth a lot in my book!

I'd live in France again, too, despite its annoying social strictures, and am extremely fond of Belgium. If I had another chance to live there I'd learn Flemish. The least friendly place I have ever lived in is this one: a pretty English market town! You can't always go by appearances (though a tropical beach always appears good to me )

I must say this is all quite reassuring

I've lived in the same city all my life, born here, grew up here, now raising my own family here. Sometimes I wonder what I've missed out on by never moving far. I have an American friend and love to hear her talk about the states. I'd never be brave enough to move there, and know about some of the negatives like the expensive healthcare and very little annual leave, but sometimes I dream of a life in California or somewhere!

I just remind myself that I have everything I could possibly need here. I have the beach, the countryside and a great city with good shopping all on my doorstep, all in a relatively affordable and very friendly part of the country. Other cultures will have to be reserved for holidays

I've lived in 7 countries and really enjoyed the experiences, all for different reasons. At some points I felt quite negative about the UK and wasn't sure I would live here again. I've been back in the UK for 4 years and since got married and had children and feel very settled and happy here, but I would recommend at least a year abroad for anyone.

It's true that many people love the idea of living somewhere that seems more tropical/sunny/laidback/cheap than the UK, and have little idea how lucky we are with things like NHS, equal opportunities (I'm not saying these are necessarily the people who actually move abroad, of course).

It's important to have realistic expectations and an open mind. I thought I would love living in Spain because it would be 'easy', whereas I was actually much happier living in China.

We have family who moved abroad and struggle with some of the issues mentioned here. Interesting to read about, as I've never lived anywhere else, nor have I ever wanted to.

Most people I know who've emigrated or lived abroad have loved it, but only because they did their research!

I moved to Norway nearly two years ago (it is my moving 'anniversary' soon) and LOVE it!!

I was totally unsure about moving out here and had a horrible first few months while I tried to learn the language and get used to everyone/everything (there are lots of cultural differences between the UK and here) but it feels like home now!

But there are serious drawbacks like missing family and feeling far away sometimes. It can be hard to make friends with the 'natives' though I have some great colleagues.

Plus they don't sell Cadburys here... I buy so much stuff whenever I visit my parents

If you go to live in a foreign country and think that Spain will be an endless riot of beach visits and margaritas, or Germany a life of hiking and sausages then you are going to be disappointed.

If you realise that you will have to go to work every day and do shopping and that life is sometimes hard wherever you go, you'll probably get on better.

I've lived abroad for 6 of my 29 years and I am so glad I did it. It was hard sometimes, but I now have friends all over the world, a smattering of languages and the ability to deal with more or less any situation in the UK. At least here I can speak the language fluently!

I have also lived abroad for several years, and agree with the posters who say that all those who spend their lives moaning about the UK should go and live abroad for a while so they can see and appreciate all the good things about this country. Then they could come back and not moan any more and it would be an even better country.....!

To be honest, I don't think it's the lack of a specific item of food that might make living abroad quite problematic (though I would have killed to find some proper artichokes )

My main problem has been loneliness and the feeling of not belonging. When I was in the UK, I missed the ease with which here you chat to people you don't know very well.

Having said that, I feel like the UK is part of me now, even if we aren't there anymore. I feel like it is something that belongs to me, just like my home country.
(and btw, for a foreigner is not easy to fit in a small English town)

As a Dutch person living in the UK (will be 15 years this July) I can only say that I love it and would never, ever go back. I feel more at home here than I do in the country of my birth. My sense of humour fits better, I can be myself more, I was probably born in the wrong country to begin with.

Yes, there have been niggles - being treated differently when getting a mobile phone for the first time in 1998 because of my nationality, people making assumptions about my ability to speak English (I am fully bilingual), adapting to the English way of doing things (In Holland you get straight to the point, if you do that here you are seen as being 'blunt') - but it all pales into insignificance beside the joy of living here.

I love it all. The light here has a quality it just does not have in mainland Europe, and I am not joking about that (any photographers here ever noticed this?). The landscapes have an infinite variety of beauty in all its aspects. The people are lovely. The sausages have no peer anywhere else in this world. And they do gas and air in childbirth (pain relief in labour is a really new concept in Holland!). The NHS is wonderful.

There are two reasons why I have not naturalised:

1. Who the heck would I vote for? I can't find anything to like in any of the main two and a half parties, and that is even more true now that we have the coalition and Excruciation Ed.
2. Football - the Dutch are just better at it.

Same shit, different bucket sums up my life in Oz. I'm back in the UK atm, the bucket is a bit shinier here for me :)

Everyone I know who has moved abroad loves it and would never come home the the uk if they don't have to.

I however, love the uk, including the bad bits and would just rather go on holiday to the good places

YANBU - I emigrated from the UK to NZ 9 years ago and love it here, but yes everyone thinks that we spend all our time on the beach or at the surf club but even though we live 300m from the beach, we're often too busy working/grocery shopping/cleaning bathrooms/weeding the garden etc to go to the beach (but nice knowing we could)! Same shit, different place a lot of the time!

But we don't have freezing cold winters though and everyone seems a lot more laidback and relaxed here. Downsides are definitely missing the family, espeically when you have kids and don't have your parents or siblings close, and certain shops (Boots, Zara, H&M, Mango, I could go on!!), and I probably eat my weight in Galaxy chocolate that my mum sends me :o

Moving abroad isn't for everyone and nothing wrong with moving back when you're not happy. I do have a lot of admiration for those who move to a country with a different language and different culture - NZ is pretty similar to the UK.

I am Canadian, (dh is from UK) but have lived in the UK, China, Taiwan, Japan and am now living in Egypt. I think there are lots of pros to living overseas. And some cons obviously.

I may not see my parents, siblings and friends that often, but since we moved to Egypt in August, my inlaws have visited twice, my dad and step mom are here now, and my mom and step dad arrive in a few weeks. I don't think we will have so many visitors next year though!

But I do spend a lot more time with my dd here, than I did when we were in Canada, as both dh and I teach at the school she goes to. We get picked up together, I often see her during the day and we are all home at 4:00. Lots of family time.

I am also pregnant, and although I won't get any mat leave funding, I am able to take 14 months off as we can all afford to live on dh's teaching salary. No way could we do that in Canada or the UK.

Living in Egypt, we get a lot of holidays. Since august, we have had 10 days at the Red Sea, two long weekends near Cairo and three weeks in England over Xmas. We are planning a trip over Easter 10 days, nor sure where, but it will be paid for before we go. We have paid off our debts, buy stuff when we want, eat out a lot and things are good.

Yes, there is sexual harassment here, I think it harder for SAHMs, and single women. I live just outside Cairo and since moving from Cairo I see very little of it. But, the food is shit, we eat a lot of international take out as local food seems to be bad quality and boring.

The poverty is depressing and my dd complains about the markets as they are dirty. She is right. and I do feel guilty that she is growing up away from her cousins, friends and grandparents, and there is nowhere for her to take ballet or gymnastics in English, but I think as a parent, there is always something to feel guilty about. As someone said, same shit, different bucket.

I've lived in several countries, the last two being Dubai and Singapore.

They have both been exactly (and in Singapore's case) worse than we imagined. We miss the freedom of walking (too hot and humid), the lack of soul anywhere, the rampant consumerism and the falseness of it all, and that's just for starters. We long to return to Europe.

I would say its what you make it. Personally, I don't miss my eldest son getting his head kicked in regularly by the local 9 year old degenerate, as he did in the UK.
Now he is 14, I don't feel any envy at all reading the FB statuses of his old friends who are spending their weekends sh*tfaced.
Other than our families, who we adore but are lucky enough to see regularly, there is very little I miss about the UK.
As hard as its been at times, it has only ever been positive.

I get what you are saying OP. People forget there will be culture shock, homesickness etc. But on the other hand, if you make the most of it, it can be a really positive experience. You have to be realistic, and go with the right attitude.

I've been living in the US for a few years. The first time I came, it was just for one year. Because I had the mindset that it was temporary, I just took advantage of all the good stuff and had a great time. When I came back the second time, I thought it would be really easy to settle in, because I'd lived in the US (even in the same city) before. But it was actually a bit harder, because this time I moved indefinitely. Because of the permanency of it all, there was more culture shock and homesickness.

Now that I've been here a few years (and have made the most of it!) we're moving back to the UK. At this point, I feel like I'm not sure what nationality I am any more, I identify equally with America and Britain. So I'm expecting some reverse culture shock, and I'm a bit nervous about it, but I'm planning to make the most of it. There will be some things that are better and some that are worse.

I have lived in Perth Australia for the last 2.5 years. I wouldn't move back to the UK. I like the public transport here, small class sizes,less traffic= I can get a job and it doesn't take me forever to travel 6 miles like it did in the UK! The weather is better, the beaches cleaner, free car parks for hospital, within an hour of childrens hospital( had to travel 4 hours without traffic in UK to Southampton and now they want to close that heart ward to!), Only used to see my MIL 3-4 times a year-now we skype once a week( she was crap at looking after ds's, they never sat still and god forbid if the golf was on ds's would never get a look in!!, oh and my husband is on a better wage! ( we don't have a pool but live 800mtrs to beach!) and have a lovely 4 double bedroom house!

I think the crux of it is that nowhere is perfect, but some countries might suit individuals more than others- totally reasonable to expect that many people might be happier living somewhere else than the country of their birth. The key thing is to research the destination so you know that the good things about a place are the things you would prioritise (whether it's good weather, bigger houses, shorter working hours, arts and culture, skiing, hiking, better schools, higher salaries, lower taxes) and that the bad things are the things you can overlook for the sake of the good things (eg washing machine rotas, bureaucracy, traffic, pollution, high taxes, lack of democracy, poisonous insects).

But as Lesley says, often it's still hard to find out about the little things. Locals (and more established expats) dont mention them because it's normal to them and they dont have anything to compare it with.

I've lived in Hong Kong for 3 years (middle east before that) and love it. In 4 years time I'll be entitled to apply for permanent residency, but can never get a passport. It's definitely not perfect (expensive, crowded, bad air quality), but the culture suits me better than that of the UK, for now anyway. Not sure if we'll ever move back permanently.

I think a lot of it depends on what stage of life you are at. I lived in America and Hong Kong as a kid growing up which I loved. I adapted quickly, made friends because I was at school and it massively broadened my mind.

Then lived in Nepal for a while as a young adult which was amazing as I was 'discovering myself' (boak) and being young and in that whole scene was great.

Now, I'm a mum, have a DD and pregnant again and I'm really really missing my family and friends (we're in North America). There is lots to love about it here, but there are so many positives about the UK too (that I hadn't appreciated before). The main one being my family. I think having young children and being a SAHM makes it all the harder.

For me and my family it was the best and only solution to a miserable life. It was a huge risk but we have been in Qatar for 7 years and will stay as long as we can. Family definitely resent it and expect to be visited and we do get lots os snide remarks about the recession and how we are ok Jack. Well, yes we are ok Jack and very, very happy.