To Think Living Abroad is Rarely as Good as People Think it Will Be?

[lesley33]

I lived in Switzerland with young DCs. But the country you visit as a tourist and the country you actually LIVE in, are ime often quite different. We came back after 2 years. And I have spoken to many other people who have "discovered" things about living in a particular country that as tourists they were blind to.

For example, a friend returned from France after hating working there as she found the hierarchial, formal, non team working environment very difficult.

Visiting a country can be great and you can love many things about a country - the scenery, being family orientated, etc. But you don't often get to understand the negatives of a country. I have lost track of the amount of people I know or meet who say - i would love to live in x country - without any understanding of the realities. For example - no you wouldn't as x country is well known for having very negative attitudes towards people with SN like your DC.

So AIBU in getting frustrated at this. I know secretly I probably am as I was one of those people.

goodasgold, feel free to PM me if you want, i would out myself quite completely if i answered in too much detail.

This is an interesting thread. I am from Australia but will soon be living in Hong Kong. The biggest group of visa overstayers here (thus illegal immigrants) are the British. This is contrary to the popular perception that we are being overrun by hordes of Asians of different persuasions. The only difference is that the government and locals basically turn a blind eye when people from the UK do it. I think British people who come here with realistic expectations nearly always do very well here - a fair few don't though. They expect it to be exactly like Britain only with sunshine and, of course, since we are in the Antipodes, everything will be a lot cheaper and we grateful colonials will be offering them jobs on a plate. If they haven't done their research, they get a huge shock at the price of property in the cities and that the 'problems' which they thought they were escaping at home (too many immigrants competing for low skilled work etc) are pretty much the same here. We do have a term for some of them here, 'whinging Poms' ,which has been around since the early days of the colony - some do come here with the attitude that they will be able to be lords of the land here with very little assets or skills. Of course, this is not the majority though and we're happy to have them for the most part (except for the strong drinking culture).

Not that Australia doesn't have a strong drinking culture ;) But basically the problems of that are exaggerated when you get those who both feel hard done by and that their tenure here is not secure.

I'm English and live in America and absolutely love every moment. But it helps that my partner and I are both high earners as I know that being poor in America would be awful.
Seeing the homeless people here makes me sad, there are a lot - attracted to the mild weather and tourists to beg from. But when I lived in Kensington I had to step over a homeless man who slept outside my office (overlooking the palace) every morning. That made me more unhappy as he would be there in the bitter cold.
I have a newfound respect for and pride in the British welfare system and nhs, which I never really appreciated when living there. But I am Also lucky enough to be able to afford private medical care etc so do not miss out by living abroad.
Most of my friends here are American, i think being a young mum with a baby is a great leveler as we have so much in common. Living here has opened my eyes to many wonderful things about Britain which I took for granted when I lived there, but has also made me realize that life can be better than the life I enjoyed as a londoner. On balance I feel glad my son is an american citizen.

I agree with Lesley33 about the casual racism in NZ. I lived there for 2 years. Never again. It was like going back in time. Not in a good way. Although I have lived in many different places, so wouldn't necessarily agree that living abroad isn't always good. Just not NZ

Actually, I am with goodasgold. When was this 'rape in playground' please?

I have lived abroad for nearly 25 years and often work in other European countries away from my "home" base. Wild horses would not drag me back to the UK permanently, although I can manage a few days a year to visit family and friends.
I think, though, the circumstances surrounding why you are abroad often colour how well you get on. For me it was getting a job that used my qualifications and education (modern languages and IT).
I do think some time in a different country is a valuable experience, but as in real life, not everyone benefits from such an experience "in the right way". Obviously you set yourself up for disappointment, if you expect things to be run/organised in the same way as in the UK.
The best thing I have gained from my time in Europe is a much higher standard of living that I would enjoy in Britain that is NOT based on credit. I also enjoy not be influenced or pressurised by "the media" to conform to certains ideas they have about how I should be living my life! However, I love not being beholden to supermarket chains and being able to wander through local markets on Saturday mornings picking up fresh food that is seasonal (so not a whole load of choice at the moment) but doesn't have frequent flyer points ;-)
I am also fascinated by the staggering differences between neighbouring countries. However, I did come here to work and was well aware that daily life would not bear much resemblance to being on holiday (apart from the scenery).

I totally disagree with you op, it is great to live abroad! Especially given that my country of origin is Switzerland and that to me living abroad (UK ) for the last 15 years has been fantastic!

TBH I never thought I would move forever to England, I was just supposed to stay 4 months to learn the language, my destiny it seems was to stay here and I could NOT go back to leave in Switzerland now. Nothing my life has turned to be like here would be accepted there. I would fear for my children to suffer the kind of day to day racism I suffered when I was a child (Swiss Mum and Italian Dad). It is fine to go back to for a holiday and family visits but I hope I will never HAVE to go and live back there.

Someone above wrote "the crux of the matter is nowhere is perfect". How true is that; and I think it is something that those of living overseas are very aware of.

I realise that all countries are different and there are good and bad points. The only country I have lived in and where the people have told me (constantly) that "it's the best country in the world" has been Australia. It's really strange that Aussies don't realise what a laughing stock they become when they spout out phrases like that and that we actually quite like it (for what it is).

Possibly in PARTS of NZ!! It's fairly hard to be racist in, for example, Auckland where everyone's from a different place.