To Think Living Abroad is Rarely as Good as People Think it Will Be?

[lesley33]

I lived in Switzerland with young DCs. But the country you visit as a tourist and the country you actually LIVE in, are ime often quite different. We came back after 2 years. And I have spoken to many other people who have "discovered" things about living in a particular country that as tourists they were blind to.

For example, a friend returned from France after hating working there as she found the hierarchial, formal, non team working environment very difficult.

Visiting a country can be great and you can love many things about a country - the scenery, being family orientated, etc. But you don't often get to understand the negatives of a country. I have lost track of the amount of people I know or meet who say - i would love to live in x country - without any understanding of the realities. For example - no you wouldn't as x country is well known for having very negative attitudes towards people with SN like your DC.

So AIBU in getting frustrated at this. I know secretly I probably am as I was one of those people.

I find the casual racism and homophobia pretty hard to stomache. People talk about it being like the 1950's - well ime it is, both good and bad

Heh, I know people who moved to Perth bacause they felt NZ was too liberal :o

Christ!! I have made a note to avoid Perth

re the title though, I don't think anyone who is making a big move really thinks it'll all be peachy and easy

I think that living abroad definitely isn't always as "ay-mAAAAAzing" as people SAY, just like I don't think that everyones travelling are always as AMAZING and life changing as people say either, but what they "think"? well I don't think it's taken that lightly in reality!

You don't have to move half way around the world to have an outdoor lifestyle. We moved to a more rural county and now going for walks in the country, cycle rides, afternoons at the beach etc. If you want a more active lifestyle, it is a mindset move, not a physical one.

that's true, and if you're not sporty what makes you think that you'll be up at the crack of dawn to surf on your days off in Oz if you are a couch potato here? I have a friend who's reasons for thinking NZ is a great place to live include "there's so much to do, you can sail, you can horse ride.." she lives in a place that people travel TO for riding holidays plus she's also near the coast. She NEVER rides or sails at home

I teach English as a foreign language and it amazes me that my students honestly sometimes expect everything to be the same as it is in their home country. They bemoan the food, the culture, the pub opening times, the price of stuff. I do understand that they are homesick but I honestly don't need to hear 20 times a day that the British are so insincere or our food is crap.

Different countries have different stuff going on. That's pretty self explanatory I'd say.

again it comes back to the motivation behind the move

moving to somewhere that fits your existing lifestyle better is more likely to work than moving in the hope that it'll change your lifestyle and problems

I've lived in Spain for 6 years and although there are things that aren't so good I'd definitely rather live here than the uk. I never expected life here to be a holiday but others from back home seem to think we are on a permanent one.

And people invite themselves to stay all the time, that doesn't happen in the uk.

Op - I have never lived abroad, but did move to Devon for a couple of years, and it might as well have been a foreign country to me. I really disliked every aspect of it and couldn't wait to get home. But our friends/family and to some extent my dh and I thought we would enjoy the experience before we set off!
The ONLY thing I really appreciated was the v low cost of housing.

if you're not sporty what makes you think that you'll be up at the crack of dawn ...

Climate & environment! Very happy running along tropical beach & swimming in warm ocean. Not at all happy running on cold pavements to boring pool.

Wrt familiarity abroad - I used to write guide books. Among the rules were: Every MacDonalds must be accurately documented, with full directions, menu and reviews; ditto Holiday Inn; never miss out a kosher or a vegetarian restaurant; assume reader has all the safety know-how of an autistic four-year-old (that's not how they phrased it); always list the price of a Coke.
Makes you wonder!

Bibbity, Devon, that's where we used to live! Wonderful part of the world, but it was difficult for me to adapt, as I am from a big city.

I disagree slightly on the outdoor lifestyle.

I love sailing. I grew up sailing dinghi's, and I would do so all summer, every summer given the opportunity. But in SA it's merely a matter of showing up at the club with a swimming costume and a life jacket and away you go (after rigging the boat etc of course). In this country the climate just isn't condusive to that kind of sailing - if you want to go sailing you have to get out the wetsuit, the wet weather gear, look like you're going to the Antarctic and still hope to Christ you don't end up going into the water because it will still be freezing.

There is a compromise there in big boat sailing but only if you either have A the money or B know someone with a boat...

A very interesting thread.

I lived in Belgium for a few years. It was quite hard to properly get to know locals, but I found the people very nice. There were a lot of nice things - like the (slightly) better weather and the brilliant restaurants and food.

However, I was homesick and glad to get back to the UK. Nowhere's perfect but I found that my roots/ home culture were actually more important to me than I had realised.

well what about horseriding then?, v easy to ride here, tescos/lidl boots and jodphurs and away you go! and lots of indoor lessons.

I have lived in a few countries.

I lived in America for a year and it was a lot more backwards with far more poverty than I had expected, and that was in 1991. There were good things and bad things about living there, but overall I was glad to be back in the UK.

I also lived in Hong Kong and in Israel, again I prefer living in the UK.

For a long time it was my dream to settle in another country because I thought I didn't like it here that much, but now I realise that the grass isn't greener and England is generally a good place. I appreciate it far more now. I'm glad I travelled and lived in other countries so I can now be happy here.

This is a great thread!

I am a "third culture kid" (but an adult!) as I grew up in 3 different countries (first time I moved I was 2 years old). The term only came about around the late 90's...(obviously I bought the book ).

Have moved around a lot -tho one country now my base - and there's lots of stuff I miss about England - the eccentricity someone mentioned as well as the beautiful countryside, brilliant well-stocke supermarkets, just the general friendliness "All right, love?" etc.

It's made me see the world as my oyster so to speak and I love travelling, meeting people from everywhere - and dragging my son along who is a completely different mix anyway.. (half me LOL - half non-Euro at all!).

I can relate to Luna and Houdini stories too...

And I can certainly relate to stories of never wanting to live in a racist or homophobic country/society EVER!

Would take the sun and beach climate over a Northern Euro one anyday tho...

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_culture_kid

oops..

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_culture_kid

I lived in Egypt for 7 yrs and I loved it,, yes it was absolute chaos even pre-revolution, I never knew what to expect when I left our flat, it was the excitement and the stimulation I enjoyed and miss so much now. The UK seems very predictable, insular, unfriendly and boring in comparision. Although since returning I have found that, the pavements, driving, healthcare, public services, health and safety, greenness, art and music scenes are wonderful in the uk. As are having an extended family close by.

I moved to the UK from the US and absolutely love it here! A pack of rabid wild dogs couldn't drag me back across the pond. Sure, it's taken 10 years for me to feel really settled and comfortable but it's really fab.

Yes and No. Its all relative to the situation you are in I have lived abroad and lived the life of Riley however children and the daily grind tend to scuper that no matter where you live.

I'm from the US but have been in the UK about 15 years. It isn't a holiday, but I wouldn't trade it now. Took a long time to get used to, and I enjoy the US for a holiday, but really think I get a better quality of life here, albeit a smaller house that I would have there, etc. I wouldn't trade the NHS, the number of days we get as holiday in a normal job, the general social safety net available for everyone -- it just seems so much more humane here generally. I also enjoy feeling comfortable in my atheism and not being judged for it like I would be in so many places there.

DP moved to Aus with me permanently and says it is much much better than he expected - he loves it and I doubt we'll ever move back. I'm not sure why some people are under the impression it's more expensive in Aus, we have 20 times more disposable income living here than we ever did in the UK - though we did live in London.

Interesting, suburbophobe, we are just embarking on a 'TCK' lifestyle, wanting to give our child/ren a different outlook on life/the world than they'd get based here more permanently.
DH has just accepted a job in Germany, which we see as a great opportunity to show DS (and any other DC we may have) different cultures (we will travel around Europe regularly), learn languages, and have adventures. Early days, this will be our first move since DS was born 16mo ago, so will have to see how we all like it, but I love the idea of travel, new sights and smells, new and different opportunities, and being a bit of a nomad, though we do intend to have a base in the UK to come back to - we'll see!
I like to think the world is my home, not just London/the UK.

Lots of people dissing Switzerland here. I've been living in Switzerland for around eight years. I arrived when I was 30. I absolutely love it. Yes, it's not the UK. The people are quite closed. There are some strange rules. But those rules have evolved out of respect for other people's peace. The quality if life is outstanding. It is so very safe. Children are encouraged to walk to school at about four or five years old. There is little crime. It's so clean. Tax is low. Public transport is a dream. And everything just works. It's easy to travel anywhere. Italy, France and Germany are a few hours drive. And there is a huge expat community so lots and lots going on socially. I miss the sense of humour in the UK and prawn cocktail crisps, but I'm not going back.

I do agree with you about Switzerland, blenda - it's beautiful and everything works properly. I guess it's a matter of individual priorities: I found I am happy to sacrifice all that - even the safety - for the sheer life-force of Rio or London! (Rio wins on weather & beach ...) So I wasn't dissing the country, so much as saying I find it stifling.