to be fuming at my DSis and her sodding wedding?

[MsIngaFewmarbles]

DSis has been looking at venues for her wedding for next year, asking advice and generally being very excited about it all, revving my 3 DDs into an orgy of excitement over being bridesmaids. Fine, no problem, I'm thrilled that she has found the right person and love a nice wedding.

She TEXT me tonight telling me that they have now decided (and have booked) a wedding abroad instead. She'd love us to come. I called her back and calmly asked for details etc, and it turns out we would also be caring for my DN (4) whilst they have a 'honeymoon'.

I am fuming.

1. She TEXT me this information? WTF????
2. Why the hell did she tell my DDs that they would be her BMs if it wasn't all definite?
3. If we did manage to spend our entire holiday budget (and then some), we would be spending our time looking after DN

If you go, are your daughters still going to be bridesmaids?

Did she tell you you were looking after your neice or ask you if you would?

If you're going with 3 DD's anyway, it's no more hassle adding on another surely?

Well if you can't afford it then you can't go!

Ahem, she texted

Other than that, YANBU if it was presented to you as a done deal. Are you saying your DDs are no longer invited/bridesmaids?

Yes they would be bridesmaids if we went. She neither told or asked about nephew, it was 'we thought it would be nice for him to spend time with his cousins and they could have a couple of sleepovers' kinda thing.

So if you don't go then there's no-one to look after the DN?

That is rude of them

Sorry about the texted thing

Reply - "Wow, that's great of tyou to have our three DC overnight whilst on honeymoon."

We are all invited, me, DH, 3 DDs, and 2yo DS. To my sister's wedding. To be childcare which we have the honour of paying £4k for

Hmm, if you are childcare then I'd expect some offer to help pay your fares.

My parents and her BFF, his parents and sister are going, but I assume as we have DCs we will be lumbered the most.

LilRed you just made me laugh and by gGod I need to, thank you xxx

So their "honeymoon" is a couple of nights, rather than a couple of weeks.. I dont think that sounds too unreasonable to ask.

Do you think she might be offering you any money towards the costs if she thinks you would be struggling to afford to go?

I think it is a bit daft to be fuming before you find out all the facts.

Original, you are right, texted. Fury is messing with my grammar and syntax.

It may not be unreasonable to have the DN for a couple of nights but it's downright bloody cheeky to TEXT this assumption to anyone.

Fury will do that

Was going to say texted too.

Don't go if you can't afford it. Maybe she does just mean a couple of sleepovers not full care? My friend got married abroad an the couple looked after their DS for the whole 2 weeks apart from the actual wedding night.

Personally, I think if she wants her family present at her wedding she should get married near home. She can have a honeymoon overseas afterwards.

If she wants to get married abroad, then there should be no expectation at all on any of you to go. She should offer a party back home afterwards for all the many people who haven't been able to go. There's no way most of her friends would make it surely?

Honestly truly I don't think I would consider spending £4k to attend someone elses wedding

me either. I agree with purpleroses. Why do people not think?

Well I would be mad if I were you!

Winding your DDs up about being BMs then changing the goalposts, expecting you to stump up to attend her foreign wedding and also expecting you to care for the DN without actually bothering to ask you are all U on their own, never mind altogether!

I assume that if you dont go then you will be the big meany telling your DDs they are no longer Bms and not her? And is she likely to kick off if you say you are not going?

I wouldnt go tbh, but then i was browbeaten into going to my DSis wedding and allowing my DS and DD to be attendants and I have never regretted anything so much. Should have stuck to my instincts and gone on holiday with them instead!

4K

Send her a card and tell her to have a lovely time and you will see her when she gets back.

If you can't afford it, or if this would clear out your family holiday budget and you don't fancy this being your family holiday, then tell her now you can't do it.

You don't have to do childcare, if both sets of grandparents are there, then they could do some nights if the bride and groom want that, I'd go with "We're going to struggle with 4 children in a hotel, I really don't think we could cope with another, but I'm sure mum and dad, or your in-laws will be happy to have some 1 to 1 time with their grandson."

Or, could you go on your own (or just will DS if he's too little tobe left) for just the night before the wedding, wedding and returning the next day? Far cheaper but you'd be there for the big day, and then having DN for the wedding night (but not any other if you're leaving) would be a nice 'gift' to them.

Don't 'fume' over it.

Just don't go.

BTW - £4k is a huge sum of money, it's reasonable for you not to be able to find it. Don't feel bad. If she wants everyone there, she can either pay for it or have a wedding in the UK.

We could afford to go, but it would mean no summer holiday for us (wedding is in April). She said that they are doing it abroad to save money. Well it will save them money