to be fuming at my DSis and her sodding wedding?

[MsIngaFewmarbles]

DSis has been looking at venues for her wedding for next year, asking advice and generally being very excited about it all, revving my 3 DDs into an orgy of excitement over being bridesmaids. Fine, no problem, I'm thrilled that she has found the right person and love a nice wedding.

She TEXT me tonight telling me that they have now decided (and have booked) a wedding abroad instead. She'd love us to come. I called her back and calmly asked for details etc, and it turns out we would also be caring for my DN (4) whilst they have a 'honeymoon'.

I am fuming.

1. She TEXT me this information? WTF????
2. Why the hell did she tell my DDs that they would be her BMs if it wasn't all definite?
3. If we did manage to spend our entire holiday budget (and then some), we would be spending our time looking after DN

So you will be at uni with 4 dc, tell her no way, you can't afford the time and money - honestly you could fly out for 2 days by yourself of something but a week for £3.5k in those circumstances absolutely not.

Whose to say what situation Cyprus will be in 14 months time

How would insurance wirk for dn if not sleeping in the room he is registered in - random thouight time

I think she is taking the piss massively, but it sounds like you will go anyway and she will continue to have the world revolving around her...

She will probably have some kind of reception party when they get home. Just buy your dds bridesmaid dresses for that.

I wouldn't spend that, you can go to Cyprus for much less if you actually want to go. If you want to be there for the wedding and so your dds can be part of the proper ceremony, just go for four days, and find somewhere cheap on the opposite side of the island.

If you do the DIY route check the dates for Orthodox Easter. If it is the same time then flights and car hire will be costy as all the Expats will go that week.

As a wise MNer once said----No is a complete sentence. You don't need reasons or explanations, just say no.
Let her know as soon as possible so that she can't say that you have spoiled her plans or left her in the lurch with babysitting.

She is not a toddler, the world does not revolve around her. Grown-ups recognise this. It doesnt matter how much notice she gives you. If you werent planning to be in Cyprus in spring 2013 then she is assuming far too much.

You would in fact be doing your sister a favour by telling her that what she is planning is selfish beyond all measure and that if she wants people to wish her well then she should be considerate to her family and friends. To do that would be meeting your obligations as big sister.

However if she offers to foot your bill, well that's a completly different matter

Cyprus isn't the other side of the world - if you want to go, whats wrong with going for a weekend or 4 days?

OP you've obviously decided you're going to go so you posted because...??

I think you're crazy to go myself especially when you're going to miss out on your own holiday and are being used as little more than a glorified babysitter but... it's your choice I guess.

Yeah. Say you'll go for the actual wedding, but they'll have to get their own childcare. I think that's a win win.

DH is putting his foot down and has said that he isn't going and will not agree to spend our holiday budget on it. God I love it when he comes over all masterful (once every couple of years)

Kew, I know it's not that far, but a long weekend or similar with 4 DC with flights is a trauma too far for me.

OP you've obviously decided you're going to go so you posted because...??

Exactly.

You've posted on AIBU-most people have said no and told you that your sister is being selfish and presumptuous, yet you are still going to go. The only person that can change the situation is you!

Well that's a big help. He'll be less driven by guilt than you.

Hang on, people pay for their own bridesmaids dresses? Since when? Surely the bride pays for those?

Yay for your DH! But my suggestion wasn't a weekend with 4DCs, it was "DH stays at home with 4DCs and you go on your own" - that would be stress free, you could go to the spa, drink cocktails and get back to find DH has a new appriciation for how fabulous you are!! Win, win!

Yes, OP - how would that go?

Nice brides pay for the bridesmaids dresses, but then nice brides pay for the all the costs of bridesmaids so....

would it be during term time? Would your dcs school(s) allow them to have time off? (I don't think my dd's would).

He is fantastic. He says I can blame him and everything. If she kicks off about it I may try and have the big sister talk with her. That'll be nice

I will call her tomorrow and say we're not going. No is a complete sentence right?

That is fab, DHs who let you blame them when you are too wimpy obligated.

No is a compltet sentence.

Your DH has broad shoulders.

I would love a weekend away, but I have a narcissistic father whom I don't have any contact with who will be there, so I would need DHs support.

If she really wants you there, she'll pay for it, remember that - whatever she says, if she's not offering to pay, she doesn't really want you there.