to be fuming at my DSis and her sodding wedding?

[MsIngaFewmarbles]

DSis has been looking at venues for her wedding for next year, asking advice and generally being very excited about it all, revving my 3 DDs into an orgy of excitement over being bridesmaids. Fine, no problem, I'm thrilled that she has found the right person and love a nice wedding.

She TEXT me tonight telling me that they have now decided (and have booked) a wedding abroad instead. She'd love us to come. I called her back and calmly asked for details etc, and it turns out we would also be caring for my DN (4) whilst they have a 'honeymoon'.

I am fuming.

1. She TEXT me this information? WTF????
2. Why the hell did she tell my DDs that they would be her BMs if it wasn't all definite?
3. If we did manage to spend our entire holiday budget (and then some), we would be spending our time looking after DN

Yes. Say No, say you can't afford it. Then say nothing. Wait for her to fill the gap

five, have you been on the wine again? DH does indeed, he is a lovely, generous man.

No is a complete sentence .

Sorry we just can't justify spending that much money .

End of conversation .

Drip feeds...

But we would love to come to the party held locally at a later date .

You don't need a big sister talk. Just tell her that you and DH have talked it over, and it's not going to be possible for you to go.

Not a massive amount

We are currently trying to build up our tolerance levels

Good oh.

Your DH is right. If people choose to get married abroad they have to accept that some people won't be able to attend. We got married in Guernsey as that is where I am from, and lots of people couldn't come. It was how it was!

So I don't need to tell her that she's being selfish and bridezilla? I genuinely don't think that she has considered the possibility that we wont go

No, no, no, sorry, no. Keep practicing. Love your DH, but you don't need to blame him.

No don't tell her she is being selfish. That isn't part of your decision making - the deal breaker is the cost.

No, don't tell her she's being selfish. Only if she's very very nasty to you. Be nice. Getting married turns the brain to mush

... not mine, obviously

Do you honestly think that she would accept that she is being a selfish bridezilla? Because I dont and you would be wasting your breath.

You will be the bad guy either way, so save your energy and let her strop it out on her own. Does she take after your father by any chance?

You should be able to do the trip for much less than 3.5k. We did a week in March for less than 1k Inc 3 bed Villa with pool easyJet flights and car hire. Family of four.

Dont tell her that she is being selfish though she is just tell her that once married with four children that your priorities change. This is the kind of stuff that a good big sister would do. I have been a good big sister to my older brothers for many years.

Noo - talk don't text!!!

I'll call her tomorrow and be nice but firm.

I am a bit pathetic sometimes, I just need someone to kick me up the arse to stick up for myself.

Here's a boot.

And another--just to be sure

No!
April is too early in the year, the sea is too cold.
As a family of fishes this is a non starter as a suitable use of holiday budget.

we will ask to make sure

I actually think it's incredibly inconsiderate to expect anyone to shell out that sort of money to attend a wedding.

I know brides are wearing stupidity glasses when their big day looms, but a firm "no, that's too much money" ought to do it.

Don't elaborate, it's just no. Once she realises that people can't take part in her outrageous and unrealistic wedding fantasy, she might have to get back to reality.

Personally, I have no beef with people getting married abroad- a wedding is between two people after all. What makes it tacky is when bridezillas get arsey that normal people can't or won't cough up their entire annual family holiday budget (and more) to attend.