Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with dd1 teacher.

558 replies

lisad123 · 10/02/2012 17:03

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! Shock dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her Hmm
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

OP posts:
Kayano · 10/02/2012 17:05

No you are not. I think he is out of order but it can be a bit hard for people to understand at first

Is it a religious school?

Original poster
lisad123 · 10/02/2012 17:07

Nope not religious school.

OP posts:
OriginalJamie · 10/02/2012 17:08

I think, like many religious practices, it is very hard to understand, but the teacher should not be seeking to undermine your authority unless what you are doing is abusive or neglectful, nor encourage your child to conceal things from you

OriginalJamie · 10/02/2012 17:09

Is this JW?

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 10/02/2012 17:10

YANBU he should have some respect for your beliefs and those of your dd.
Provide him with some information and literature so that he can be better informed about the days that you do celebrate, perhaps they can cover it during RE too so that other children are aware of a different religion other than the main ones they seem to cover and forget about the rest.

aldiwhore · 10/02/2012 17:10

YANBU.

I understand the teacher has a right to 'feel sorry' for your dd, if I'm honest I probably would too because I completely revel in these celebrations... however, he overstepped the mark by acting on his opinions and not respecting yours.

Hope that doesn't offend you, I am not saying you are wrong to think how you do, its just so far removed from how I do (regarding celebrations only!) that I can understand the teacher's feelings.

I certainly agree with you in principle, especially if I reverse it... if a teacher started guilt tripping my child for celebrating these things I'd be equally as angry.

I really think you should see how it goes after speaking with him, but if it continues, make formal complaint.

valiumredhead · 10/02/2012 17:10

I dunno, sounds like your dd handled it ok.

CailinDana · 10/02/2012 17:11

Wow that teacher was way way out of order. I don't think YABU at all and I say that as a former teacher myself. He was totally wrong to go against your beliefs and to put pressure on your DD like that. What an utter dick! If he was trying to give pork to a Muslim child it would be grounds for dismissal. I don't think this is much different to be honest.

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2012 17:13

YANBU I feel sorry to the point of anger at what some kids have to do to keep up with their parent's religion...but at the end of the day, you get to call the shots on this one, not the teacher.

diddl · 10/02/2012 17:13

It´s dreadful that he tried to get her to lie-that´s what I would have an issue with.

I wouldn´t have minded her taking sweets to have at some other time-as she is allowed to eat them-but I assume that you didn´t want that either as you don´t celebrate birthdays?

Just other people´s or your own as well?

Original poster
lisad123 · 10/02/2012 17:19

Thank you for being so polite.
I completely understand his reasoning for feeling sorry for her.
We don't celebrate anyone's birthday including our own. So the sweets couldnt be eaten at another time as people give sweets to celebrate their bday, so even if you didn't eat them there and then, they would still consider that you had joined in the celebration.
What she does when she is older is her choice tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
lisad123 · 10/02/2012 17:22

I'm sorry if I make you angry worrel. The thing is, when I went to collect dd2 she had made a valentines card (we don't do that either) but her teacher said she was sorry, she hadn't thought at the time. It wasn't a problem because she little, doesn't understand and the teacher forgot. Smile

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 10/02/2012 17:23

What religion doesn't celebrate birthdays?

diddl · 10/02/2012 17:24

Yes, I suppose they would still be bday sweets so that wouldn´t really have helped.

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2012 17:24

Don't apologise to me honestly

Things like this are between you and your children

I am glad though that you're going to leave the choice up to her when she's older.

CailinDana · 10/02/2012 17:24

Jehova's Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays.

beckyboo232 · 10/02/2012 17:26

I would be furious with the teacher. Sounds like your dd handled it very well though

rhondajean · 10/02/2012 17:28

Lisa I suspect you may practice the religion I was raised in and I feel fully justified in saying if so you are being ridiculous. I'll keep my views about the religion in general out of this, but no one ever said that you couldn't eat a swet if someone was kind enough to share, check your magazines.

porcamiseria · 10/02/2012 17:28

hmm, I think you need to relax a bit TBH. like it or not birthdays, sweets, xmas and other stuff are part of normal school life. Is it THAT big a deal if she participates in some stuff, really? so long as in her heart and in your family its held sacrsanct, I just cant see the major issue if she has 1 sweet for someones birthday. I fully respect your faith, but some aspects will be hard too 100% comply with outside the home.

loopsylou · 10/02/2012 17:30

Sorry, just for reference, are you Jehovahs witness's ? " Obviously there isn't anything wrong with raising your kids how you feel they should be raised, and perhaps the teacher should have accepted that, but I think it is an over reaction to be upset that your child was given a small quantity of sweets for another childs birthday, it's not like its a gift for your dd's birthday is it, (in which case it would be perfectly acceptable to be annoyed) In my opinion you are being slightly U, i would just let it slide, and present it more as a, we don't let dd have sweets if its not friday, thing, instead of a religious thing...

rhondajean · 10/02/2012 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Original poster
lisad123 · 10/02/2012 17:30

Worral I left religion when I was 16years old, went and did some living and then realised something was missing for me, so went back. It's hard growing up, especially in a religious house, so what they choose is their choice.

Yes JW

OP posts:
rhondajean · 10/02/2012 17:31

Come back to me then Lisa with one article from you literature that justifies your position and I'll agree with you.

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2012 17:32

I was raised a Catholic until I was old enough to choose.

To be honest I would have had more respect for my parents if they'd left it until I was old enough to choose their religion...rather than the other way around.

Being Catholic was their choice because they were adults...we certainly didn't choose it as children.

jandymaccomesback · 10/02/2012 17:33

Don't be too hard on him. I remember when I was a young teacher and had a Jehovah's Witness in my class I kept getting it wrong because I just didn't understand.He is coming at it from a very understandable point of view-he wants to be inclusive. I think you probably just have to be patient with him.
The parents of the child in my class were actually very gracious, and by the time I taught their 3rd child Ithink I had it sussed Blush.

Swipe left for the next trending thread