To be upset with dd1 teacher.

[lisad123]

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

Very unprofessional. I had 3 JW kids in my class last year, I didn't agree with what their religion forbade them from doing, but I followed the parents wishes.

Interestingly - they could take birthday sweets, but not learn about other religions...

I think the teacher was probably trying to be "fair" in dishing out the sweets. It seems a little cack-handed to you, perhaps, but I suspect he just didn't like the thought of everyone in the class having a treat except one.

I have to admit that in the same situation I would probably let my kids accept sweeties on another child's birthday. My friend is Muslim and brought cake into work to celebrate Eed, we all had a bit and wished her a happy Eed, even though we are not Muslim.

Isn't the point about JW because they are trying to save others? Am sure I read that on here or somewhere else. I'm sure it was a JW saying they didn't like bothering people as they knew how much it annoyed, but at the same time they HAD to, both to save themselves and to save others. If I've got that wrong I apologise.

But if that is the case it does rather put them in a bind, doesn't it? Tho' I appreciate this argument can be used to "justify" religious conversion by any faith, and by any means, and don't actually agree with it. I don't mind religion so long as people neither use it to justify wrong-doing nor ram it down my throat.

It doesn't matter if you agree with the ops beliefs, tge teacher was so wrong to tell her you would never know so go ahead

Couldn't she have kept the sweets until Friday? A sweet is a sweet, it's exactly the same as the ones you eat on Fridays. It isn't somehow tainted because it was handed out on someone's birthday. Every day is someone's birthday.

And it's not really like feeding a Muslim student pork. They never eat pork, but the OPs dd is allowed sweets.

when I was growing up (Catholic, as mentioned) we used to give up cake/sweets/treats for Lent. anyone handing round sweets in that time was answered with a 'no thankyou, i have given it up for Lent. thank you for offering'

not quite the same thing, admittedly, but it was my religion, and that was part of how we celebrated it.

I would, as a 9 year old, have been very embarrassed if an adult (and especially a teacher) had tried to persuade me to ignore my faith, and partake, and not tell my mum - at theleast it woudl have been disrespectful of my beliefs, and more than that, I would then have been in the middle of having to decide which adult to disappoint least.

Sorry, I haven't said - OP, yanbu wrt the teacher. Whatever his thoughts regarding your wishes, you are the mother. I hope you manage to have a sensible discussion with him and get the respect from him which you deserve.

What respect ?

OP (or anyone else who knows) i wonder if you can explain something for me - I have taught a few JW children- they were allowed to learn about "other world religions" but not Christianity , why is that? Eg they had to sit out of lessons on Lent but could join in lessons on the five pillars of Islam. It was a pita to be honest. But i didn't really understand their reasoning?

I'm slightly confused about the celebrations. So no birthdays (including Christmas), I sort of understand. But what's wrong with Easter? And Valentines' Day? If you can't make a card for Valentines' Day (which has no religious connections) why is it ok to make ones to celebrate Spring and Winter?

I am surprised to hear you say that Muslims don't celebrate birthdays- I don't know ( to my shame) whether they celebrate their own, but I have never seen any problem with Muslim children at our school sharing birthday sweets or cake or any fun that's going!

The teacher shouldn't have said about you not knowing, but I can see myself putting the sweets in her tray and telling her they were just sweets, not birthday sweets.

Valentine's day is named after St Valentine, so must have some religious connection!

This has been a really informative read. I admit I didn't know that about JWs so I'll be more aware in future. Sorry to hear that the teacher tried to give your child the sweets when she had said "no" but I think it was done with the best motives in mind as others have said. You spoke to him about it and he won't do it again.

I do think, however, that it is getting very difficult for teachers to run a class and fulfil the brief of educating kids whilst also catering to the individual requirements and needs of each child. It's not a criticism it's just getting difficult to keep everyone happy within the constraints of a class.

Easter and others have huge pagan histories. Eg the reason for eggs and chicks at Easter is that it's linked with rebirth and god of fertility in pagan religion. Xmas tree is again pagan based, as is Yule logs.
I'm sorry if I miss anyone's questions, I'm on my phone and have no Internet ATM.

I think it's nice he wanted to be inclusive but I also understand that you want your wishes respected. I don't celebrate Valentines Day myself but I do it at nursery as it's a time to talk about love and how we love Mum's and Dads and Carers and family.

It's very hard having family who are JW too. We're often made to feel like we shouldn't be celebrating. We've never been JW and they do try to convert us and dh hasn't forgiven them for his 21st birthday present. A JW bible!!!

Sorry I am not going to read the thread because having seen a JW child in years at no Xmas and no birthdays I have no patience.
My Jewish friend won't stop her son enjoying Christmas in school or celebrating his birthday like every other child in the country. Yes she'll hope he eat kosher food, but she won't go ballistic if he doesn't.
I'm a devote atheist I hope my children don't grow up to believe in a"god" I hope they are to rational for that, but if they do that is their choice.

And as for forcing my dd to be different, I'm sorry but what's wrong with being different? I would rather she be different and have the strength to stand up for what she believes in than be a sheep and bow to peer pressure.

Oh Jw don't believe peoe go to hell, can remember who mentioned it.

In tears not years!

hocuspontas Valentines Day is (or was!) the feast day of St. Valentine who used to conduct marriage ceremonies in secret for people when their religion was banned from being practised so it is (or was) religious. Now it's a feast of overpriced roses and M&S dine in deals! :)