To be upset with dd1 teacher.

[lisad123]

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

I think the teacher overstepped the mark by asking your child to lie - huge no no. That would upset me more than the sweets.

Can I ask a question about your religion though. Why do you by celebrate Christmas and birthdays? Are there any occasions that you do celebrate? I'm genuinely interested, not trying to start a fight or saying anything against your religion, just always wondered!

Thanks RJ, that's what I thought.
Are there any occasions celebrated in the JW faith?
If not, I think that's what's hard for most people to accept, as I cannot think of any other religion that does not have festival and celebration as a big part of it.
Having said that, as a teacher I would never go against the religious beliefs of the child, that is not on at all and is very unprofessional.

List, with respect for your faith, which I realise does fill a need for many people, I would suggest th best place to seek that advice is within your congregation. Not many people on here will understand.

Personally, I'd say, YANBU about the sweets, regardless however of what and why your rule about anything is there, YANBU about a teacher trying to subvert your position as a parent.

I hope that answers and we part on good terms? We probably understand each other more than anyone else on here.

How old is your child by the way OP?

Memorial of Jesus death iggy.

Wedding anniversaries are also acceptable, weddings, engagements. Which are nice. It's not a horrible religion.

Oh sorry, just realised she's 9.

I think it's a bit much to call the OP cruel.

RJ of course we can part on good terms, we all have different opinions and beliefs, each to their own. I know why you may be upset, both my sisters and brother left and never came back, and certainly growing up was difficult and my parents were fairly laid back compared to most.

We celebrate wedding anniversaries, lords evening meal (some know as pass over) and personally we have two present days a year for the girls.

I think the teacher was wrong on 2 counts:

1 - in not respecting a belief that has no impact on anyone other than lisa's dd

and

2 - in encouraging lisa's dd to join in the celebration (as lisa, and indeed her dd, saw it) and not tell her mother. this is, imo, the more serious 'crime'

whether lisa is right to belive as she does is a matter for her to reconcile with her faith, and her family. I do not know enough about it to be able to comment.

I do know, though, that my mother would have been annoyed if I was encouraged to eat meat on a Friday (very Catholic upbringing) and not tell her. more the not telling her bit, to be fair - undermining a parent in this way is not fair on the child.

What Hulababy said.

I think you are being unreasonable.

You have some religious practices that sets you apart from the world. That is fine. But you still live in the world, and you have to accept worldly practices and be content and confident in your own holiness. If some people don't agree with you, that is the cross you bear. You should simply be polite when you have to deal with it and pray for them.

You can't expect other people to agree with a non-orthodox stance, tbh. It really just makes you look foolish to try to make people understand. You have your reasons, keep them to yourself.

Well done on your DD for standing up for herself. Perhaps teach her just to nod sweetly and say thank you, then do nothing with the sweet. It was given in good heart, and that is how she should receive it.

I'm interested - can JW kids go to other children's' birthday parties? Or do you have to decline any invitations they might get?

I think the teacher was out of order for trying to get your dd to lie but I just really can't get my head around not wanting to celebrate the day your child was born. To me, that has nothing to do with religion. It's a day that should have been one of the most amazing of your life and should be celebrated imo. I think I'm biased though after seeing how my dh makes our dc's birthdays special so they don't miss out like he did.

Right so would it help to tell the school that list, so dd could make cards to celebrate weddings etc, rather than valentine's day, mothers day etc?
Just that it might avoid future problems. Trying to secretly give your child a sweet is like giving sweets to a kid fasting for Ramadan - just not on.

Don't think so pooka = child who lived next door to me when growing up wasn't allowed to anyway.

I don't really agree with JW (long story about an good friend at school) but YANBU.

The teacher was very wrong to try and push the sweets on her. It is highly unfair on your DD, especially the part about if she ate them and didn't tell you it would be ok. I would complain about that.

She does sound like a great girl though who stood up for your beliefs.

"It's not a horrible religion."

Ask someone who's been disfellowshipped (or check out their stories on Youtube.) As someone with JW relatives - yes, it is a horrible religion. The intentions are good, that does not make the religion itself good.

I assume most of you are parents. If you could never imagine refusing a blood transfusion for your child and instead letting them bleed out, or cutting all contact with them if they leave your religion or even do something small like reading something disagreeing with JW, then the "Witnesses" are not a religion you should be liking.

Some JW people might say they would not cut contact, but they are going against the rules of their organisation.

YANBU, the teacher undermined your choices which is wrong and I would not be happy. The issue is to some degree irrelevant, the teacher overstepped the Mark and encouraged your dd to be complicit in lying.

I'd rather not get into the whole JW debate because I profess to be quite ignorant about it!

I hope you don't get a pasting though Lisa, we all make choices on behalf of our children.

birdsofshoreandsea - as I said before, although several of the children I have worked with do not celebrate Christmas they are all allowed to accept a gift when I have sent them home. Equally they are all allowed to accept a sweet/cake on another child's birthday.

I have never actually had a child in my class who has been excluded in this way.

However, as said in my first post, if this was the case I would not force a gift on the child or ask them to lie. But it would feel wrong to me to exclude a child. even when it wasn't from my own doing.

Whatever others on this thread, I or indeed the teacher may think of the rules of your religion, I don't think anyone can argue that the teacher was out of order. How dare he try to get your DD to lie to you! I'd be having very serious words with him.