To be upset with dd1 teacher.

[lisad123]

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

I don't know if they were the bday sweets or just a packet of sweets.

I would like to think I'm a reasonable person, and if it was a mistake I wouldn't give a hoot, but I think the teacher overstepped the mark.

Why are you asking the opinions of a bunch of worldly people on an Internet site anyway?

No one has said she can't have sweets that someone wants to share with her.

I
The reasoning is the sharing in the celebration. I have stated to every teacher that I have no issue with her learning about other faiths, but as soon as it comes to celebrating then it's a no.

what do you want to hear OP? some think yabu, some not. Its IABU innit!
I think YABU

Rhonda clearly you have a history with Jw, and I understand that, but you don't know me at all. I am within my rights to use a parenting site and to gain opinions from other parents.
Have also been here long enough to know religion causes heated threads.

My dh was brought up a JW (he now has absolutely nothing to do with it) and it was explained to me that they don't celebrate birthdays because the only birthday mentioned in the bible is Pontius Pilate's. I don't get this reasoning as no where in the bible does it say, "and then [insert name] had a crap" but we're all allowed to use the loo.

If I am wrong in this then I am happy to be corrected.

It's hardly recommended is it?

I do find it hard to understand, myself. Sad to not partake in the act of community. Schools try to unite children in common moral values of caring for and about each other. This seems counter to that.

One of the reasons I'm an atheist, but still the teacher was wrong

Lisad I think you should (if you haven't already) give the school information on your beliefs, to avoid further issues like the valentine's card. There will be a lot of cards made in primary school! Is there any form of celebration allowed in your religion, if there is then why not suggest that to teacher as something dd could do instead of other cards.
I think RJ is suggesting that you practise a stricter form of your faith than all JW's?

Birds I see your point. I suppose I'd say the difference here is in refusing something someone is giving you.

Your sort of right, the bday mentioned in the bible was celebrated by killing John the baptist and sticking his head on a plate (he was quite an important person to Christian religions). There is also a lot of pagan input in most celebrations today.

Thinking though, it could perhaps be argued that a child passing sweets around because it is their birthday isn´t really celebrating it, though.

Birdsofshoreandsea I think there has been a Muslim kid at almost every birthday party I've been at! I had never heard before that birthday celebrations are forbidden in Islam.

Iggi im suggesting that views within the faith as to eating sweeties related to a birthday will vary as to whether it constitutes celebrating the birthday and it has never been clearly stated either way in their literature, however seeking support and advice on religious matters from worldly people is actually stated as being something tht is unacceptable.

I'm sorry if I'm not being very clear in type, I do know what I mean though.

You do know that instilling such strict (and frankly ridiculous rules) will guarantee your children will rebel when they get older and will rejoice in celebrating every damn thing they can.

Accepting a sweet is all about good manners, I cannot imagine that such a sin would result in eternal damnation. What about at Christmas when your children are given cards by their classmates, do you tell them to refuse the card or accept it graciously?

A bit of balance and perspective is needed here really.

Whilst I can't understand why on earth your DD couldn't have the sweet that a friend was kind enough to give her, that is my issue. And as a teacher I would respect your wishes and those of your DD, and would never force them on her nor would I ever encourage a child to lie. That is simply not on.

I would probably feel a little sad though. For example, it is my birthday this weekend. As a treat for my class I took in a small chocolate cookie for each child to take home with them. It would feel dreadfully wrong to me to exclude one child from this. But if I had to I would, and would not make a child take the gift or lie.

Likewise at Christmas I gave every child a card and small gift, even those that do not celebrate Christmas due to their religion. However, again I would not make a child who wasn't allowed to take a gift, but it would feel bad for me to exclude the child. As it stands in my class every child is allowed to, even if their own relgiion doesn't celebrate Christmas.

I know a few muslims that don't celebrate bday and Xmas, and a few that do.
There was a thread here before Xmas from a Muslim mum who was giving up xmas but was struggling with explaining to the kids.

Interesting on the "it's your right as a parent to choose" theme, since it's something petty like sweets. I am so curious to find out what the reactions on here would be if the teacher had let the daughter receive an emergency blood transfusion, contrary to JW beliefs. Genuinely curious.

birdsofshoreandsea - ime all the children I have worked with have not had to deal with this form of exclusion, including those who are muslim or other religions, where Christmas isn't celebrated. They have all been allowed to accept a gift.

RJ I'm not seeking support about religious matters, I'm seeking advice about teachers. I know what you are trying to say.

All the Muslims I know celebrate birthdays.

I didn't see a single Muslim child in my son's school being forbidden by their parents from taking part in the Nativity or the sending of cards and presents.

Some people choose to adapt/relax certain things in the interests of their children or they send them to faith schools...rather than see them left out of celebrations/fun.

But when all said and done, the teacher was being totally unreasonable to encourage any child to lie to its parent.

YANBU, I think he was really out of line to encourage her to lie.