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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with dd1 teacher.

558 replies

lisad123 · 10/02/2012 17:03

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! Shock dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her Hmm
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

OP posts:
my2centsis · 12/02/2012 08:57

My post at 8.49 was to seeker btw

Original poster
lisad123 · 12/02/2012 09:00

Not offended at all. Smile
I don't mind answering questions and thank you for you kind support.

OP posts:
seeker · 12/02/2012 09:00

Mycentsis, what were you saying then?

Lisas123, could you answer my question about whether you would let your child die rather than it it have a blood transfusion?

Original poster
lisad123 · 12/02/2012 09:11

Seeker I can't answer your question because it's not as black and white as you put it. I have never been in that position so can't say how I would react. There is alot of research into other methods which are safer than using blood and most hospitals now have a cell salvage machine which takes your own blood, cleans it and puts it back into your body. This is acceptable to some Jw.
Jw had raised money to buy a machine for most hospitals and it is open for anyone to use.
I'm sorry I can't answer your question as I know the answer you are looking for Hmm

OP posts:
Kayzr · 12/02/2012 09:13

Huntycat I went through the same sort of thing as a teenager. One of my closest friends was in a really bad car crash. The driver of the car died and my friend was seriously injured. His mum was refusing a blood transfusion that he desperately needed. She was going to stand and watch him die until his Dad arrived and gave his permission. It was the end of their marriage and my friend and his 2 siblings went to live with their Dad.

They were completely disowned by their Mum. My friend hasn't seen his Mum in 7 years because of this.

He didn't even know when his own birthday was. He didn't know how old he was, he would guess he was 12 or 13 etc from the age of the other people in his year at school.

It's fine to have your beliefs but it shouldn't be at the cost of your childs life.

troisgarcons · 12/02/2012 09:13

There used to be a 'my2cents' in another forum who was called Lisa. Are you swapping IDs?

my2centsis · 12/02/2012 09:19

Kayzr I agree with your last sentence 100%

Um no iv only been using this website on and off for about 8months and 95% of the time I'm on AIBU

GossipMonger · 12/02/2012 09:25

He didn't even know when his own birthday was. He didn't know how old he was, he would guess he was 12 or 13 etc from the age of the other people in his year at school.

More drivel!!!!!!!!!

JW's have birthdays ........................they just choose not to celebrate them!!!

Kayzr · 12/02/2012 09:28

Its not drivel, his parents didn't want them to know when they were in case people got them cards etc.

GossipMonger · 12/02/2012 09:30

I just do not believe it!

In all my life and experience with JW's I have never heard of anyone EVER doing that!

Of course JW's have birthdays.........the day they were born.........but they do not celebrate them.

Then again, some people are odd!! Grin

seeker · 12/02/2012 09:31

I don't want a particular answer- I just want clarity. I would be very interested to be told the biblical reference that forbids transfusions, too. Oh, and how witnesses explain why the world hasn't ended on the (I think) two occasions when they thought it would since the religion was created in 1940 (ish)

Kayzr · 12/02/2012 09:34

The little girl in DS1's year knows when her birthday is. They don't celebrate it though.

I understand that they were odd but until his parents split up he had no idea what day he was born. I don't know if this is a regular JW thing or just them.

GossipMonger · 12/02/2012 09:37

Trust me Kayzr - it was just them!!

Original poster
lisad123 · 12/02/2012 12:23

its just them Grin
like every religion some take things to far, but then same can be said of most beliefs.

OP posts:
Feminine · 12/02/2012 12:43

seeker its been around a lot longer than the 40's.

Google: Charles T Russell ...it will answer many of your questions.:)

igggi · 12/02/2012 13:22

About 50 years longer? Not much in religious terms, really!

seeker · 12/02/2012 13:52

Oops- my mistake- 1931.

hocuspontas · 12/02/2012 13:58

C'mon seeker, you were 9 years out! It's not good enough you know.

Feminine · 12/02/2012 14:01

The origins were formed in the 1880's.

The Witnesses today are a 'spin-off' group.

They have had a few name changes over the years...

The Witnesses of today, are the same as the 50/60's bunch... that predicted doom and gloom and the world ending.

A lot of backtracking has taken place.

Still love my Witness friends though! Wink

lorcana · 12/02/2012 17:44

have been looking at JW website - and difficult to see how OP can get from not celebrating Christmas and birthdays to kicking up such a fuss about sweets/crafts in school ....... how can accepting the3 sweets and doing craft activities be construed as celebrating ? i think OP excluding her DD and making experience these awful situations is totally unnecessary from what i've read. just stich maybe with not celebrating her own birthday and Christmas at home and lay off tormenting her in school.

Feminine · 12/02/2012 18:37

Exactly.

I am still wondering why lisa posted here.

As she has been in the 'truth' all her life, it should have been a non-issue!

Oh well...

giveitago · 12/02/2012 19:11

OP - I'm not surprised that you are annoyed in terms it's one religion among a whole load that are acknowledged by schools but what I would say that not celebrating other people's birthdays could marginalise her. I don't know. Does that mean she doesn't go to bd parties of her friends etc?

It's your religion that you've brought her up in.

I know plenty of non christians who celebrate christmas, hindus that eat beef and it doesn't make them any less their own faiths.

Not judging because I can't because I'm very flaky when it comes to faith. Just interested.

lorcana · 12/02/2012 20:13

OP has gone imo because she knows she cannot defend her ridiculous and frankly abusive position. By all means choose JW lifestyle but child joining in with activities at school is NOT celebrating - just isn't.
I showed only JW I know of this thread and she said she would never do this - her DD goes to other peoples birthdays and does all stuff at xmas , they just don't do it at home. Although they have big celebration at passover time and also her DD has a summer hols party and her little friends come armed with gifts - its not her birthday but that doesn't really matter. Why can't OP do similar ??

lorcana · 12/02/2012 20:15

Also told me that if it was a life/death situation she would let her DD have blood transfusion - and also would have one herself if no alternative available.Sensible imo.

Feminine · 12/02/2012 20:23

lorcana so what your friend told you, kind of backs up what I have said all along.

Most Witnesses enjoy the cozy atmosphere that the JW's community brings,very few go all the way in regard to the rules

No wonder there is so much flip -flopping at Watchtower headquarters! Grin

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