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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry, another 'children not invited' thread

199 replies

Memoo · 03/02/2012 17:44

tomorrow is my fil's 80th birthday.

Bil and sil are hosting a daytime party for him at their house. They have no children and live in a big, beautiful but not child friendly house. Think cream carpets and white cushions.

They have got people in to do the food and serve drinks and were quite determined that no children were allowed.

Fil, however, really really wants his granchildren to be there and keeps saying it's his party and we are to bring the children so the plan is to take them.

Bil and sil are not going to be impressed though.

What do I do???!

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 03/02/2012 17:47

FIL may be the honouree, but he is not the host.

You need to talk to BIL/SIL about his strength of feeling about this, or FIL needs to do I himself. But until the actual hosts (BIL/SIL) move their position in this; then no, the DCs remain uninvited.

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/02/2012 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Memoo · 03/02/2012 17:49

Bil won't budge.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/02/2012 17:50

No it's their house so they make the rules.

Are they aware of how upset your FIL is?

Original poster
Memoo · 03/02/2012 17:50

Who throws a day time party for an 80 year old but refuses to let his grandkids attend. Bil is a dick.

OP posts:
YouOldSlag · 03/02/2012 17:50

Hmm. I have no problem with a bride and groom saying no kids since I am at liberty to refuse if I can't go and it's their day etc etc. However, this is HIS day and he should have what HE wants.

At age 80, you don't get loads more birthdays, so it won't hurt people to give this patriarch his own way for one day a year.

If they don't want their house dirtied or damaged, they should have booked a room in a pub/restaurant. If this is his only party, it's not fair on him. If this is the "grown up" party and there is another free for all on a different day, then that's not so bad.

Family values are what count when you're old (or young) and to exclude the kids seems to be missing the point.

EdithWeston · 03/02/2012 17:50

If BIL won't budge then th children aren't invited.

You will need to find another way for them to celebrate with FIL.

rubyslippers · 03/02/2012 17:50

Are yours the only children in the family?

It seems odd to have a milestone celebration without some family members there ... Especially in the day and when your FIL is keen for them to attend

I guess a compromise is to meet FIL for breakfast or soemthing else on the day

JoantheFennel · 03/02/2012 17:50

I think your bil is being beyond shit.

Original poster
Memoo · 03/02/2012 17:51

Yes Worral they are but they're more concerned about finger prints on their Walls.

OP posts:
Aribura · 03/02/2012 17:51

It's their house. Sorry but YABVU if you take them. Hmm Just take the kiddies to see him earlier in the day etc.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 03/02/2012 17:51

Personally I would be tempted not to go and to arrange my own celebration with FIL, maybe take him out for lunch or something as a family.

Byeckerslike · 03/02/2012 17:51

I agree, its their house im afraid, their rules, but like worra said, do they know how upset he is?

squeakytoy · 03/02/2012 17:51

How old are your children?

Original poster
Memoo · 03/02/2012 17:51

Yes our dc are the only grandchildren.

OP posts:
giveyourselfashiny · 03/02/2012 17:52

Bil is a Wanker. Does fil know they are being so strict on this?

mrspepperpotty · 03/02/2012 17:52

Bil is a dick

This may well be true but you can't turn up with your kids when you know they are not welcome. How awkward would that be?!

missmehalia · 03/02/2012 17:52

Have a great meal/tea and cake outing with just him and you and the kids. You can't force the hosts, and they'll be a bit narked that he'll be talking non stop about how lovely it was to see the kids instead of rabbiting on about their party.

Alternatively, suggest that he talks to them about what it means to have your kids there, and agree to just bring them along for an hour..

pictish · 03/02/2012 17:52

Well, as much as I am of the opinion that your bil is a massive fanny with his cream carpets and white cushions and unfriendly take on children, it's his house, so that's that.

Arrange another celebration with fil and the kids.

ENormaSnob · 03/02/2012 17:52

Was the no kids rule known when the party was arranged or is it a new thing?

rubyslippers · 03/02/2012 17:52

Hmmm

I think it is really out of order

What do they think the children will do?

Chubfuddler · 03/02/2012 17:52

I wouldn't go. And I would tell them that fil is not happy about it. For whose benefit is this party - its fil's birthday not theirs.

EdithWeston · 03/02/2012 17:52

(BTW: I agree with YouOldSlag about how mean-spirited they are being. But that still doesn't mean you can bring along people who have not been invited - or in this case actually excluded. Hope you find an even better thing they can do with FIL to celebrate soon).

Byeckerslike · 03/02/2012 17:53

Loads of xposts Grin

rubyslippers · 03/02/2012 17:53

It is strange to have a family party without family members there IMO

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