Sorry, another 'children not invited' thread

[Memoo]

tomorrow is my fil's 80th birthday.

Bil and sil are hosting a daytime party for him at their house. They have no children and live in a big, beautiful but not child friendly house. Think cream carpets and white cushions.

They have got people in to do the food and serve drinks and were quite determined that no children were allowed.

Fil, however, really really wants his granchildren to be there and keeps saying it's his party and we are to bring the children so the plan is to take them.

Bil and sil are not going to be impressed though.

What do I do???!

"I disagree about taking the children and hoping they leave sticky marks everywhere. "

I said I'd be tempted, I didn't say I'd do it :)

Memoo, why dont you host your own family dinner with the birthday "boy" the weekend after, for the immediate family? That way he gets two dinner parties, one more formal one at one sons house, and one informal family one at yours?

We are not actually entitled to have our children present at family events!

cumber, what she really needs is impecably behaved children who make no mess whatsoever and some adults who spill drinks drop food and trample it into the carpet or topple over threatening their lovely ornaments.

I think the FIL is entitled to invite whoever her wants, actually.

The fil is entitled to have whoever he wants in his own house. Or he is entitled to pay for a venue and invite whoever many children he wants.

He is not entitled to invite who he wants to a house that isn't his.

With the OPs attitude, I'm not surprised the sil and bil don't want her children in their house.

Meh..

OP, I wouldn't go, and then I'd have another thing with FIL.

families are crap.. why can't people just be more flexible. ffs

He is 80.

It's his birthday.

Unless he's been really nasty to his family over the years, he gets what ever the hell he wants on his birthday. He could have a stripper and a few lines if he was my Grandad (now passed). Grandkids are an obvious, hell yes.

Some people have no fucking perspective.

Well if you only became aware yesterday that the children are not welcome then I wouldn't hesitate to decline the invitation. Practically, what are you meant to do with them all at this short notice anyway while you are out all day travelling/at the party? I think even if FIL phones to say that he would like them to be present and BIL/SIL agree, there will be an "atmosphere" and you will be completely unable to relax for fear that one of them might breathe incorrectly on a mirror or cupboard door! Say sorry but the non-attendance of your ravaging horde makes it impossible for you to attend and then have a lovely separate family party with FIL on another day soon.

Your BIL and wife do sound rather crass , its sounds as though they want everyone to come to the party and congratulate them on how marvellous they are .
quint what a truly bizzare statement , children are part of the family ,so one would assume they would be invited to family events . Although in this instance the party isnt a family event is it ? its a look at me , look what i have ,look what i have done event and children would steal their thunder .

He doesn't get to have whatever the hell he wants in someone elses house!

Sounds like they just want to show the house off though, rather than actually do something FIL wants.

But then my family wouldn't dream of excluding children just because it's inconvenient.

(weddings excluded)

The moral of the story is that when someone has a big birthday coming up you all get together and talk about what you actually want-taking into account the wishes of the birthday person. It is all a bit late to discover things the day before.

If I was 80yrs the people I would want most at my party would be my DCs and grandchildren-friends would come after that.

Yes he does in those circumstances.

There is also the salient point that their grandfathers 80th may be a lovely memory for the kids to treasure when they're adults.

Some things are more important than respecting the right of someone to protect their decor.

It's between grandad and the brother in law though isn't it? I wouldn't throw a party like that but I can't see that the OP can do anything. If it's too hard for the Grandad to say anything then I guess she has to accept it.

If this was a thread entitled "AIBU to refuse to allow my nephews and nieces to attend FIL 80's birthday party" then the OP would be accused of being precious, entitled, ridiculous and fucking rude.

If Grandad cared that much about having the dgc there, then he has every right to ask that the party be at another venue.

But he cannot agree to his party being in someone else's home and then insist that children be there if the person whose home it is doesn't want children there.

They could have all come to an agreement about where they have the party so that the whole family could be there, but they didn't.

So they agreed to host the party for him at their house. How kind. Presumably they didn't then say "but only we can decide who is invited to your party Grandad". Cos that would of course be ridiculous.

It may be their house but as far AFAIC they just offered it to be used for the party. They don't then get to decide who isn't invited.

OP I think the decision may have been made for you - have you seen the weather forecast for tomorrow?

Of course he can. It's his 80th birthday FFS

I would ring and say thanks but no thanks will have a special dinner over the next week with FIL that HIS grandchildren will be there with him to share this special occasion!!!

You know, if I was this elderly chap I'd arrange to take the grandkids to an ice cream parlour and sod the rest of you.

ThisIsNotMyLife - totally agree.