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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry, another 'children not invited' thread

199 replies

Memoo · 03/02/2012 17:44

tomorrow is my fil's 80th birthday.

Bil and sil are hosting a daytime party for him at their house. They have no children and live in a big, beautiful but not child friendly house. Think cream carpets and white cushions.

They have got people in to do the food and serve drinks and were quite determined that no children were allowed.

Fil, however, really really wants his granchildren to be there and keeps saying it's his party and we are to bring the children so the plan is to take them.

Bil and sil are not going to be impressed though.

What do I do???!

OP posts:
YouOldSlag · 03/02/2012 17:53

they are but they're more concerned about finger prints on their Walls.

They don't really GET what's important about landmark birthdays do they? What will Gramps think of on his deathbed? His grandchildren and loved ones or nice clean walls?

Sounds like your grandfather has his priorities right and BIL does not.

canyou · 03/02/2012 17:53

Confused an afternoon family party minus the DGC is a bit strange but yes I am afraid invitations need to be from the hosts not your FIL.
If your BIL will not budge can you all meet earlier as Stewie has said and have fun with Granddad?
Do you have childcare, will your DH have to go alone? Have you said anything to your SIL?

MrsChemist · 03/02/2012 17:53

It is their house, but it's pretty poor of them to throw a party for FIL that he would be unhappy with.

I think you may have to organise a little party for FIL and the grandchildren. Does he have other Grandchildren that would be excluded?

Original poster
Memoo · 03/02/2012 17:53

They are 13,11,10,8 and 2

They're really good kids too. They know how to behave.

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 03/02/2012 17:54

I think your BIL is being silly but not much you can do.

Pretty tricky to get a daytime sitter too and guess if family are all going there not an option so you'll have no choice but not to go.

OlympicEater · 03/02/2012 17:55

Agree, the hosts mean bastards that they are get to choose who comes.

Breakfast or tea with FIL and the DCs.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 03/02/2012 17:56

Blimey the only of those that could even be a tiny bit random is the 2 year old. Your BIL is a clueless dick.

canyou · 03/02/2012 17:57

Memoo honestly at those ages I would welcome them with open arms esp the older 3 as unpaid workers 2 yro could look pretty in pics

rubyslippers · 03/02/2012 17:58

I think it's a huge shame for your kids and FIL especially

Not sure what you can do - would be tempted not to go but that wouldn't achieve much and upset your FIL

MrsChemist · 03/02/2012 17:58

I concur, BIL is being a right nobber.

squeakytoy · 03/02/2012 17:59

So apart from the 2yo, none of them are any more likely to wander around putting pawprints on the wall or spilling food than any of the adults..

I find it very rude and quite bizarre that someone would arrange a family party, and bar half the family... very odd indeed.

I would probably not go, and would take FIL out for a family friendly meal, that he will probably enjoy more.

Matches · 03/02/2012 18:00

I think your FIL is being a BU here.

If he really wants the kids there then he needs to tell his son who's hosting that if they don't come, then neither will he

It's not his place to go against there wishes and insist you bring the kids, thus putting you in a situation with BIL

If he wants something to happen, HE should deal with the awkward communication himself

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 03/02/2012 18:00

My Dad was 80 in August, we had a light buffet early evening gathering. My 4 DC's helped serve the guests, mingle and entertain some smaller DC's that were there, my niece read out a really touching tribute to her grandad. It was a lovely family gathering.

Kladdkaka · 03/02/2012 18:00

I think your brother in law is being a git too. My dad wouldn't attend his 80th birthday party if his grankids weren't allowed. He likes them more than his own kids. :o

bumpybecky · 03/02/2012 18:00

suggest the dc wear gloves?! Grin

pictish · 03/02/2012 18:00

He might be throwing a pretentious wank do, to show off his cream carpets and white cushions, and envisages everyone standing around sipping on champers, nibbling on canapes, and talking about intelligent things while complimenting their host on his wonderful taste.
A rabble of kids won't fit into that picture now will it?

Poor fil. The party sounds rubbish. Invite him to yours for a proper one another day.

Original poster
Memoo · 03/02/2012 18:01

I think I'm just going to stay at home.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/02/2012 18:01

I honestly don't think my Dad or my FIL would agree to have his party at a house that banned his Grandchildren from celebrating with him.

I agree with everyone else, your BIL and SIL are dicks.

YouOldSlag · 03/02/2012 18:01

You can't really take them if told not to, even though your hosts are completely wrong to exclude them. Obviously the two year old would be supervised and the other kids are old enough to behave, so I don't personally see BIL's problem. However, his house, his rules, even if they are stupid rules!

However, I like the idea proposed by other posters where you invite him to yours to party with the kids and have cake and photos taken etc. Then go to BIL's posh party without the kids and try and remove the poker from his arse.

If I was being really mean, I would show party guests pics of Grandad with GCs at your place and bang on about how great it was.

Matches · 03/02/2012 18:02

I do completely agree that the kids should have been invited, but frankly if your FIL has agreed to them hosting the party and haven't told them to shove it with their restricitive guest policy, then he's contributing to this crap situation too

ElusiveCamel · 03/02/2012 18:03

They don't really GET what's important about landmark birthdays do they? What will Gramps think of on his deathbed? His grandchildren and loved ones or nice clean walls?
Yes, this. It's really very sad that on his 80th birthday he gets a party but not to have his grandchildren there :(

BIL is horrible. I think FIL needs to have a word, or your DH needs to, OP.

ENormaSnob · 03/02/2012 18:04

Sounds like piss poor preparation IMO.

Bet its really boring.

Chubfuddler · 03/02/2012 18:05

Agree fil should tell bil he is not happy. I would not go to a family party in my honour from which members of the family were excluded. Simple as that.

canyou · 03/02/2012 18:08

Could you do a brunch with the DC, fruit kebabs, muffins, scones, pancakes full fry if that is what he would like but all things the DC and FIL would ike to eat and DC can help make, party hats, balloons, crap filled party bags and a home made cake --my grandparents/parents would much prefer this. As some one else said let the DC write poems, draw pics etc for Granddad and take loads of pic which you immediately print off and pop into his party bag as he puts on his tie and heads to the other party where he can show off his DGC tributes to him along with all the pics as you wallow in a bubble bath with a glass of wine

Busyoldfool · 03/02/2012 18:09

I would do as others have said and arrange a special celebration at your house or lunch/tea out. (That way FIL gets two special days and the kids will get all his attention)

Nice for your FIL to have several celebrations. When we did my mother's we did a special dinner at her house cooked by us. No partners, no kids, no fuss, - just her and her grown up kids and she loved it. Kids can take up time and are unpredictable. We each celebrated with the kids and DM in other ways. Hope it goes well whatever you decide to do.

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