Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry, another 'children not invited' thread

199 replies

Memoo · 03/02/2012 17:44

tomorrow is my fil's 80th birthday.

Bil and sil are hosting a daytime party for him at their house. They have no children and live in a big, beautiful but not child friendly house. Think cream carpets and white cushions.

They have got people in to do the food and serve drinks and were quite determined that no children were allowed.

Fil, however, really really wants his granchildren to be there and keeps saying it's his party and we are to bring the children so the plan is to take them.

Bil and sil are not going to be impressed though.

What do I do???!

OP posts:
RabidEchidna · 04/02/2012 19:46

you need to facebook back such a shame children were not welcome at such an important event

LydiaWickham · 04/02/2012 19:52

Comment on her status - "so glad you and FIL had a good time, really sorry we couldn't make it but we need more than 2 days notice to get a daytime babysitter for 5 children. We must arrange something again soon, we're happy to have you both over here, I know you don't like children in your house, or we could meet half way, let me know! xx"

Chubfuddler · 04/02/2012 19:53

Rise above it. Fb spats are deeply unseemly and make everyone involved look like a tosser.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 04/02/2012 20:01

I dont normally go in for Facebook status digs but on this occasion I most certainly would. Something along the lines of "so glad you had a lovely time, sorry we couldnt make it but we couldnt get a babysitter at such short notice"

Nanny0gg · 04/02/2012 20:04

Why doesn't DH tell his brother what he thinks of him and his wife?

Vicky2011 · 04/02/2012 20:29

You definitely have to fb shame her

nancy75 · 04/02/2012 20:36

Sorry threads like these amaze me, the people having the party - one of them is your dh's brother or sister? In my family if my brother said you can't bring dd to my house I would say don't be so bloody stupid and that would be the end of it (he also has a big white house & no kids). When did we all get to a point when everything is said by snide comments on facebook and nobody just talks to each other and sorts stuff out?

ilovesooty · 04/02/2012 20:40

I wouldn't lower yourself to respond on FB. Surely you/your husband will be speaking to them about it though?

fedupofnamechanging · 04/02/2012 20:44

TBh, I think it's good that you didn't go. Would you really want to take your dc to a place where they were clearly unwelcome? You would have all been nervous wrecks, in case one of them made a mess (and with 5 kids, one of them was bound to drop something).

I'd have to reply to the fb comment. I do think that some people without kids, are utterly oblivious to the fact that you have to arrange baby sitters and that dc don't conveniently vanish into thin air when the parents are invited to a child free party.

Your bil and sil sound like twats. Who wants to admire someone else's house? I can't think of anything more boring, so think you dodged a bullet there.

exoticfruits · 04/02/2012 20:52

I agree Nancy-if it is family just be blunt-long before the event.

redwineformethanks · 04/02/2012 20:55

We didn't go because we couldn't get a babysitter but have arranged to go for a meal with pil next week.

Your OP suggested that you knew in advance that children were not welcome, so I think you had time to arrange a babysitter if you wanted to. I think you intended to take the children and force the issue, then got cold feet.

JulesJules · 04/02/2012 21:18

Blimey redwine read the thread. She only found out on Thursday that the children were not invited.

YouOldSlag · 04/02/2012 22:29

Definitely respond on FB. I wouldn't normally encourage those cryptic "some people do such and such" type status updates, but in thsi case she is being a cow and you need to shame her.

"Do you mean us? We could not get a babysitter for five kids at that sort of notice, most of our family were at yours"

It really annoys me when people with no kids think people with kids have a list of free babysitters on speed dial.

redwineformethanks · 04/02/2012 22:57

JulesJules - I think the OP implied that they did know in advance that children weren't invited. I'm not convinced they only found out on Thur that children weren't invited. Earlier in this thread, I queried this and OP didn't deny it

If they really only found out on Thur, then I agree it was short notice

Spuddybean · 04/02/2012 23:13

i cannot believe your SIL. I mean it's one thing excluding children but then you have to take it on the chin when people can't come. But to make a snide comment like that on facebook is outrageous.

I'm sure you aren't like me, but i would have to post something back like 'if you are talking about us, then yes it's true, try as we might we just can't muster any effort to see cunts people like you'.

2rebecca · 04/02/2012 23:44

I would never not take 4 children to a family daytime party. Maybe it's because I work, but time with my kids is more important than time with my inlaws. I'd have let my husband go if he'd wished but I wouldn't have gone and would have given notice if I wasn't intending to go.
I agree facebook spats are for teenagers but I would no longer have her stuff showing on facebook, defriending sounds too petty, and would make it clear to all relatives that our family would have gone if our family was invited.

totallypearshaped · 04/02/2012 23:51

Well this isn't the only day your fil can celebrate his birthday is it really?

Bring your fil to yours for a knees up with his grandchildren.

Your sil and bil whilst seem up themselves about this, have the right to invite whomever they like to their home.

Think of their party as a bonus party to the real event with the grandkids, but let them have their shindig, and you have your kneesup.

Simples. and your fil wins cos he's got at least two parties.

totallypearshaped · 04/02/2012 23:53

Oh just read about the fb comment - er.. that lady has a few probs non?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 05/02/2012 00:05

In our house it's more likely to be me who would ruin something In the. Ream and white house! I'm a clumsy cow. I'd have said right from the get go, that if the kids can't attend, we wouldn't be attending either! End of!

generousoffer · 05/02/2012 00:10

I would have to reply to FB too. Just a simple 'glad everybody had a good time. Sorry we and the children couldn't be with you.'

JulesJules · 05/02/2012 07:25

Apols, redwine . Think it would be difficult to get a babysitter for 5, even if you had more notice.

The fb dig is pathetic.

LydiaWickham · 05/02/2012 07:40

Getting a babysitter for 5 DCs for a saturday daytime is hard, it's a hell of a lot easier to line someone up for an evening when you've already put them to bed - and also a hell of a lot cheaper (Round here, a day time sitter for 5 DCs would be at least £150 for the day, in the evening, you'd be looking at £8 an hour, assuming 3 hours for dinner that's rather reasonable).

Chubfuddler · 05/02/2012 08:02

Tbh I would post on her fb "as you know we couldn't come because you didn't invite our children".

generousoffer · 05/02/2012 08:20

Actually changed my mind. I would go with 'glad everyone enjoyed it, the we are really looking forward to being able to celebrate with him and the children next week'

sayithowitis · 05/02/2012 10:22

Chubfuddler, I like your style, though I would change it slightly to: "as you know, we couldn't come because you uninvited our children at the last minute, making it impossible for us to find any childcare with just 48 hours notice."

Swipe left for the next trending thread