Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Sorry, another 'children not invited' thread

199 replies

Memoo · 03/02/2012 17:44

tomorrow is my fil's 80th birthday.

Bil and sil are hosting a daytime party for him at their house. They have no children and live in a big, beautiful but not child friendly house. Think cream carpets and white cushions.

They have got people in to do the food and serve drinks and were quite determined that no children were allowed.

Fil, however, really really wants his granchildren to be there and keeps saying it's his party and we are to bring the children so the plan is to take them.

Bil and sil are not going to be impressed though.

What do I do???!

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 05/02/2012 11:24

I would do the PA approach

I'm glad you all had a great time, it was such a shame that we couldn't come but as you know it was impossible to find a babysitter. Were there many others who couldn't make it as well then? Maybe the snow put them off. See you soon, memoo x

zipzap · 05/02/2012 11:59

Another vote for something along the lines of 'ooh who couldn't make it? We would all have loved to have been there - if only we had been invited. Hope fil enjoyed his your party.'

If this was supposed to be a family party for you fil, were you all supposed to be contributing to it? If so, hope they are not going to demand a contribution from you now!

Hope you all enjoy your celebrations with your fil!

Inertia · 05/02/2012 11:59

I'd reply:

" Glad you had a lovely time, hope FILname had a wonderful birthday. Apologies once again for being unable to find a last minute babysitter; luckily the children coped well with the disappointment of having their invitations withdrawn, and we're all excited about our visit to FILname next week".

pictish · 05/02/2012 12:11

I'd reply

"Unfortunately, as our children were not invited, we were unable to attend due to lack of babysitter. Glad you all had a lovely day! Fil will no doubt tell us all about it when we see him on xx"

pictish · 05/02/2012 12:15

Or rather...

"Unfortunately, as we were only notified that our children were not invited with two days notice, we were unable to attend due to lack of babysitter. Glad you all had a lovely day! Fil will no doubt tell us all about it when we see him on xx"

Yama · 05/02/2012 12:15

No, no, no - don't comment on her status. Merely 'like' it.

It will confuse her and everybody else will think it isn't you she is getting at. Genius.

pictish · 05/02/2012 12:16

I hate fb bitchery btw - have never been involved in any - not once! I couldn't let that one slip past me though.
What a fucking witch!

iscream · 05/02/2012 12:27

Your sil sounds unbalanced. I would never invite her to my home or go to hers again. I think you did the right thing in staying home.

If you want to indulge in facebook wars, maybe post
"You uninvited our children, even though grandad really wanted his grandchildren there. Too bad YOU couldn't make the effort to tolerate them for an afternoon"

Chubfuddler · 05/02/2012 12:28

Oh that is genius Yama. You are clearly a master of passive aggressive fbing.

ragged · 05/02/2012 12:29

Are you absolutely sure the FB comment was aimed at you, OP? I believe it could be I just don't think I'd rise to it unless very sure it was really worth it to perpetuate the bad feeling.

It must be so hard not to very sharp comment in reply about 2 days notice to find a babysitter for 3 well-behaved but still unwelcome children.

Yama · 05/02/2012 12:32

Actually Chubfuddler, I've never even witnessed a nasty comment on fb let alone been involved in one. I was just thinking of a way for op not to come out looking bad to others.

I'm glad I don't know people like op's sil. She has my sympathy.

pictish · 05/02/2012 12:35

I've been thinking about this, and have decided that truly and honestly I would reply thus:

"Sadly, you didn't want our kids at the party, and notified us of that fact with two days notice. We didn't have time to organise a babysitter. I find your snide remark on here unfair, and it has upset me. It's nothing to do with not making the effort....YOU made it impossible for us to attend."

Groovee · 05/02/2012 12:38

I hosted a 1st birthday party for 37 people, 12 of whom were children. I had more problems with the adults causing the mess than the children. If the invite to the children were withdrawn on Thursday then SIL must have issues. Are they childfree by choice?

nkf · 05/02/2012 12:44

I think you all sound as bad as each other. As soon as I read that FB is involved, I reckon it's hopeless. This is not grown up behaviour. Even FIL sounds babyish. Are you sure it was a party for an 80 year old? Not an 8 year old?

SardineQueen · 05/02/2012 13:18

OP has simply seen a status on SIL page. I don't see that her behaviour is anywhere near as bad as SIL. OP has not actually done anything, simply reacted.

TartyMcFarty · 05/02/2012 14:46

Go without your kids, and show em how much mess a grown up can make. I'm thinking red wine on the carpet, blood on the sofa, vomit in a plant pot, splattering the walls, and skidmarks in the pan, just for good measure [evil]

Then arrange a nice, civilised lunch with FIL the day after.

nkf · 05/02/2012 14:50

Not going to the party and then checking the FB status is ridiculous. It's all so childish. Nobody comes out well in this story. Everyone had the chance to be bigger then their individual wishes and nobody was.

SardineQueen · 05/02/2012 15:33

How was she supposed to go to the party without childcare for her children?

I don't understand how anyone can look at what the SIL has done and say OP is just as bad

I guess it's all part of teh rich tapestry etc

hackmum · 05/02/2012 15:59

BiL and SiL both sound incredibly childish.

I don't know what I'd do about the FB thing. On the one hand, I think one should try and rise above these things and not give anyone the pleasure of replying. On the other, it means she's got her version out there and is probably telling everyone how terrible the OP is being for not turning up. I think I might be tempted to write something like "Good to hear you all had such a lovely time. We would have loved to have come, and so would the children, but they weren't invited and it was impossible to find childcare on a Saturday afternoon for five children. We're hoping they'll get the chance to say Happy Birthday to their granddad another time." That keeps it factual without being snidey - but also lets everyone know what the real story is.

wherearemysocks · 05/02/2012 16:16

Actually I would have gone with the kids, and just said something like 'couldn't find a babysitter but don't worry we won't stay long the kids just wanted to see their grandad and give him his present' then when people asked why we were leaving I would have told them all why.

I'm quite amazed at the number of people saying along the lines of 'their house, their rules', yes its their house but I would expect their rules to be along the lines of don't climb on the furniture and no playing in our bedroom. But to exclude chilldren from a family event is just weird. If my sister told me that my kids were not welcome in her house then I wouldn't have much more to do with her after that.

nkf · 05/02/2012 16:47

I think someone could have initiated a grown up conversation about the impossibility of childcare and the possibility of flexibility. If childcare really wasn't possible, then one adult could have gone. It all seems silly and a lot of bad feeling has been created and it was avoidable. I think the OP has played a not inconsiderable part in creating this situation.

YouOldSlag · 05/02/2012 17:30

nkf- I disagree. The OP was treated very unfairly in my opinion. The SIL and her DH are childless and gave the OP 2 days notice to find a sitter for a Saturday daytime for FIVE kids. The SIL then goes all passive aggressive on FB.

The poor guy who was 80 didn't get to see his grandchildren like he wanted and you never know how many birthdays you get after 80!

nkf · 05/02/2012 17:54

Agree, two days notice is not long enough.
Agree it was a bit rubbish not to allow the kids.
But - the OP or her husband could have been upfront and explained that it made things very very difficult for them. That might have changed things. Sometimes childless people really don't see childcare problems.
One adult could have gone. Did the husband really not go to this father's 80th birthday?
Presumably they called and said they couldn't make it. They didn't just not show up. Because that would be outrageously rude.

MigratingCoconuts · 05/02/2012 17:59

just read the whole thread. Wow! what fuckwits!

Don't get into a FB slanging match...that way leads to whole scale family fall out.

You sil sounds awful but you don't want a public fight

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8