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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I a spiteful cow or would this piss you off too?

227 replies

Flamemenow · 24/01/2012 20:39

I know this seems unkind but I really need a rant about my friend.

My friend was in a 'friends with benefits' relationship with a single man and as a result she had an unplanned pregnancy. He did not want her to have the child and said if she did he would not want to have anything to do with it. She wanted to have the baby so they agreed that he would not have to see the child or support it financially.

When the child was born, my friend claimed the benefits she was entitled to as a single mother. She put on the forms that she did not know who the father was.

Two years later she had another child with the same man, under the same circumstances. They have never lived together or even dated. She now lives off benefits whilst she raises two children. She has had part time jobs over the years to supplement her income but usually gives them up after a few months.

When I think about this it really pisses me off that I am paying to feed and clothe this man's children. I don't see why I should just because they 'came to a private agreeement over finances'.

He still lives in the same town and although they don't see each other anymore, she hears all about what he's up to and he seems to have plenty of spare cash - (lovely house, expensive car, holiday 3 times a year, etc.)

Sometimes I get the urge to anonymously grass on her but that would be a really nasty thing to do. Or would it?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 24/01/2012 20:41

I would'nt but it would piss me off too.

MorrisZapp · 24/01/2012 20:43

Whole new meaning to 'friends with benefits'

NinkyNonker · 24/01/2012 20:43

But, she is a single parent? So what would you be 'grassing' on her for? She is allowed to get maintenance, private or otherwise and still get benefits I think?

Sidalee7 · 24/01/2012 20:44

what would you "grass" her for? Even if he was paying maintenance she would get the same benefits?

roughtyping · 24/01/2012 20:44

Grass on HER? Don't you mean him??

And YABU.

Sidalee7 · 24/01/2012 20:45

x-post with ninky!

PattiMayor · 24/01/2012 20:45

Maintenance payments do not affect benefits so even if her children's 'dad' was contributing, the fact that he isn't living with them remains the same - she is a single parent.

Dawndonna · 24/01/2012 20:46

You are paying? How very generous of you.

pictish · 24/01/2012 20:47

God - what the hell has any of it to do with you??!
She is a single parent and gets what she is entitled to.
What's your problem??

AmberLeaf · 24/01/2012 20:47

Shes not doing anything illegal, whats to grass on?

AmberLeaf · 24/01/2012 20:48

Or did you mean grass on her to the morality police?

McHappyPants2012 · 24/01/2012 20:48

report her for what...she isn't doing anything wrong.

EatingLemonCheesecake · 24/01/2012 20:50

you sound bitter, not much of a friend...

squeakytoy · 24/01/2012 20:50

Shes not doing anything illegal

saying she doesnt know who the father is, when she does...

deliberately getting pregnant with the full intent of claiming from the social...

niiiiiiiice... Hmm

BupcakesandCunting · 24/01/2012 20:50

She's only claiming what she is allowed, isn't she? She can claim maintenance and benefits too. No court in the land would care.

I agree it's not the "ideal" way to bring children in to the world but I am assuming that she loves her children and looks after them appropriately? Just let her get on with it.

slartybartfast · 24/01/2012 20:50

i would feel sorry for the children, what must they think of their father and family life.
but it takes all sorts/.

SpikeInTheBasement · 24/01/2012 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieScarlett2833 · 24/01/2012 20:52

you do not have to name the father any more to get benefits

just sayin

also, maint does not get taken into consideration any more

3cutedarlings · 24/01/2012 20:52

You sound a bit pathetic tbh, what would you grass her up for?, i think your just jealous because you work and she doesn't.

AmberLeaf · 24/01/2012 20:52

Squeakytoy, she doesnt have to name the father if she chooses not to, she isnt breaking the law in not naming him.

Flamemenow · 24/01/2012 20:52

Spike Grin I did not realise that, sorry. But it seems so wrong that he does not have to pay for his offspring.

OP posts:
TheParanoidAndroid · 24/01/2012 20:53

No, it wouldn't piss me off. And you aren't paying for her anything, in actual fact.

pictish · 24/01/2012 20:54

Him and thousands of other feckless idiot fathers OP.

What makes this case so damning to you in particular?

Is she prettier than you?

squeakytoy · 24/01/2012 20:54

Squeakytoy, she doesnt have to name the father if she chooses not to, she isnt breaking the law in not naming him

Morally corrupt though.. in my opinion, and should be illegal too.

NatashaBee · 24/01/2012 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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