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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloody stag dos

195 replies

LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 22:19

3 x weddings (so far) to attend this summer. 2 x stag dos. One wedding is child-free - tricky with a baby and toddler but hey ho.

DH has just asked if he can go on a stag do. Undecided city in Europe for a weekend. Every year there is at least one stag do abroad and it drives me mad. UK ones I can cope with - he can do one night or even two but it doesn't cost the price of a small holiday and take up valuable family time.

We go to a lot of weddings. DD (2 1/2) has been to 14.

AIBU to ask DH not to go? He will go to the other UK one, and to all the bloody weddings.

OP posts:
mumofthreekids · 19/01/2012 22:22

We're going to 3 weddings this year too. One in NY that my DH is going to on his own - we're all invited, but can't justify the cost of flying 5 of us to NY. 2 stag dos, and as DH is usher for both he can't really refuse to go.

Having said that, however much I moan beforehand, I do love a wedding!

AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 22:22

Well, I wouldn't "let" him but I have been accused of being a nasty wife, with no SOH who keeps her husband on a leash

but there ya go

ENormaSnob · 19/01/2012 22:27

Depends really.

Can you afford it and what leave needs to be taken etc.

Dh and I are invited to a hen/stag do abroad this year. We have declined.

We also have 4 weddings. It is a pita tbh.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 22:29

Afford it... not really. DH is SAHD and I am a teacher, so no leave required, but it means that 5/6 summer holiday weekends are used up, meaning probably no family holiday.

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ENormaSnob · 19/01/2012 22:32

Yanbu then.

We are not attending another wedding we were invited to as it will mean no holiday.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 22:33

All other 'stags' single or recently married - no other kids. Before kids I wasn't so bothered (well, the one he was on when I had the stillbirth pissed me off, as did the one he wanted to go on when I was 37 weeks pregnant after the stillbirth... Hmm ) but now the kids are here and I'm working full time I really need more time as a family doing normal things.

I know IABU but I think these foreign jollies that people feel obliged to attend are just selfish and narcissistic.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 22:37

you are not BU

Rhubarbgarden · 19/01/2012 22:37

I'm inclined to feel the same way about these things, OP. I wouldn't refuse to let my dh go, but I'd have a full-on sulk about it and demand a spa weekend as compensation.

solidgoldbrass · 19/01/2012 22:38

If your H feels that he is entitled to more leisure time than anyone else, then there is a problem. Do you not get invited on hen dos or do you not like them?

AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 22:38

oh fgs, sulking + demanding spa weekends ?

how passive aggressive Hmm

have the courage of your convictions, fgs

OP, the stag thing doesn't really stop even when all the friendship group is married off

my DH was invited to his friend's son's stag do in Majorca Shock

ENormaSnob · 19/01/2012 22:39

Yes the expectation to attend a hen or stag do costing ££££ is ridiculous.

It costs an arm and a leg nowadays when people announce a wedding.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 22:43

I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than a spa day, sorry.

I'll be invited to one, probably two of the hen dos. Both will probably be in the UK, which will mean I'll try to go, possibly take the kids (might have to if they fall the same time as SDs). Neither have been arranged yet. Neither of us really know the bride of the other wedding very well.

I'd say no to a foreign hen do though at this stage of life - have been on a couple and resented the money spent on both. My friends would understand that my family comes first. 'The Boys' see things differently. Apparently.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 22:47

if you would say no, then he should say no

"the boys" shouldn't get to call the shots

are they more deserving of the family money than you ?

and you have to take the kids along to your jollies ?

listen to yourself

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 22:50

I know.

The thing is, I don't ever see my kids! I don't want to go flying around places without them! I work all day, work all evening and have uni at the weekends, so the holidays are really precious to me. I'm no martyr to wifeliness or anything, I just don't really want to spend whole weekends in hotels and spas getting pissed on expensive cocktails when I have beautiful children I never see and a house full of vodka!

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 22:51

And I'd quite like to see my husband too.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 22:54

Oh, and the other thing that pisses me off about this hen/stag thing.

Most of my close friends are men. Most of DH's close friends are men. So he gets invited to my friends' stag dos, as well as his own. I get invited to the hen dos of people I don't know all that well. Why can't I go on stag dos?

A friend of mine had it right, they just had a mixed piss-up. Makes much more sense. My hen do involved a big group of women in a confined space for too many hours. Women who only know each other through a single connection don't always suit that level of closeness without outside influences!

And don't get me started on strippers...

OP posts:
PattiMayor · 19/01/2012 22:55

If I were your DH, I'd stay at home with you and the kids and the vodka tbh.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 22:57

:)

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 22:58

No, best not to get me started on strippers too

Loopy, why don't you put your foot down ?

I did, and have, and would again

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 23:00

I might, AF.

I think you gave me exactly the same advice last year! (when pregnant). I put my foot down then. I guess I feel I have less of an excuse now.

Sod it though, foreign dos are unreasonable, that is the line I am taking from now on.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 23:04

You mean he is still taking the piss ?

You don't need an excuse to insist that he doesn't use family money on strippers a jolly that benefits only him....

It is frankly ridiculous to me that so-called family men with the responsibilities of children etc persist in these overgrown boy's pissed-up wanks behind the (Eastern European country) bike sheds

pictish · 19/01/2012 23:04

Do you know Loopy....I went on a joint stag and hen do in the summer past. It was brilliant...18 of us went go-karting in the wee petrol carts on the racetrack. Neither of the couple was bothered about strippers, Prague, or collecting change in a potty with an L sign on. Such a brilliant unforgettable day (and night).

I agree with everything you say about stag dos (and hen dos) abroad. It's a big ask, and yes...very narcissistic. However if he wants to go I wouldn't stand in his way personally - I'd just make sure I got my own way on something I wanted, so I felt it was fair.
It doesn't have to be a weekend away in return....even getting him to redecorate or fulfill a big job in the house....or something else that appeals to you.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 23:07

Apparently pole dancers aren't strippers, they are artists Hmm therefore devoiding DH of any stripper guilt.

It seems so reasonable to him to go. And I hate disallowing, but it's not on, is it?

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inspireme · 19/01/2012 23:07

Yanbu he is getting on one stag in uk, you have to make sacrifices when you have small kids and I think he should be happy with one.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 23:09

The thing is pictish, all I want is to have some time as a family. I honestly truly don't get to do that in the rest of the year.

OP posts: