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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloody stag dos

195 replies

LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 22:19

3 x weddings (so far) to attend this summer. 2 x stag dos. One wedding is child-free - tricky with a baby and toddler but hey ho.

DH has just asked if he can go on a stag do. Undecided city in Europe for a weekend. Every year there is at least one stag do abroad and it drives me mad. UK ones I can cope with - he can do one night or even two but it doesn't cost the price of a small holiday and take up valuable family time.

We go to a lot of weddings. DD (2 1/2) has been to 14.

AIBU to ask DH not to go? He will go to the other UK one, and to all the bloody weddings.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 23:09

do you believe that shit, loopy ?

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 23:11

No, I bloody well don't. I guess you can't hear the anger in my voice as I type that!
It was his stag do, and nearly ruined the whole wedding. Not only did they organise pole dancers, but he had a party in a field in the middle of nowhere, so the poor women had to perform outside in the middle of the countryside to a handful of drunken idiots. I was fucking livid not amused at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 23:14

Whole marriage I should say, not wedding.

Fucking idiot. Artists.

OP posts:
pictish · 19/01/2012 23:16

It's hard because that's the very thing you most want him to want to do by his own free will isn't it?
I see your point.

AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 23:17
Shock

You married this guy ?

I am so sorry

I'd better leave your thread now. All the best, loopy x

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 23:17

No AF, don't go!

OP posts:
pictish · 19/01/2012 23:17

Spend time as a family that is.

AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 23:19

You don't want to hear what I have to say about your husband, really you don't

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 23:20

He's lovely, he really is.

The pole dancer thing was a surprise for him, he didn't know until he got there. I got very pissed off and he tried to support his friends' judgement (after I explicitly banned strippers) by claiming they were artists, not sex workers.

I have never known him to do anything else of the kind.

Please believe me that he's lovely AF, he really is. I don't want you thinking I married a twat. I didn't.

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 19/01/2012 23:20

'my DD 2 1/2 has been to 14 weddings'.
You both go too far many weddings, IMO.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 23:21

Agreed.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 23:23

You did marry a twat. i don't think he is lovely at all. Him and his skanky mates.

It started with his stag do, and he has been pressurising you to fall into line ever since

That you are still questioning whether it's unreasonable to not allow this type of immature and disrespectful behaviour from a man who is supposed to be an example to his children is frankly a huge mystery to me

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 19/01/2012 23:24

YANBU

These stag holidays are a bugbear of mine. Why should you be left alone looking after the DC for days on end whilst he spends the family's yearly holiday budget on a piss up?

DH used to go on these sorts of things but eventually saw sense after a 4 day trip to Ibiza cost around 1k and I had a complete meltdown at him afterwards about how that could have paid for a summer holiday for ALL of us and that we were having to go without a holiday so he could do as he pleased.

I just don't know what is wrong with the good old fashioned stag night!

DrCoconut · 19/01/2012 23:24

My DH didn't haver a stag do when we got married. He'd rather stick pins in his eyes than go to anything like that though. It is not unreasonable to expect a married man with resposibilities to have outgrown "boys" nights out, "lads" weekends away etc. Family should be the priority. And good mates would understand.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 19/01/2012 23:28

Nope AF, you are wrong. I can see how it might seem black and white to you, but he simply doesn't understand things the way that you and I do.

Some of his mates are skanky, I can't argue with that. But he is so very loyal to his friends that he can't think the bad in any situation. He wants to go to everything that they go to, and he doesn't want me to hate his friends. Honestly, there is nothing darker going on with him than that. You just have to take my word for it. He honestly, genuinely is not a twat. My judgment is usually quite good, and in this case it is spot on. Easily led, yes. Naive, yes, but not a twat.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 23:33

He simply doesn't understand things the way others do ? You mean the way that decent people do? What sort of headfuckery has he actually been feeding you ?

You mean he doesn't want to ?

Isn't it time he outgrew these "friends" he is "loyal" to ? I would say that they weren't friends of your marriage, but that would be letting your husband off the hook....and you seem to be doing that quite nicely all by yourself

There is a naive person in your relationship, and it isn't him

There, I told you that you wouldn't like what I had to say... Smile

AnyFucker · 19/01/2012 23:34

Men who buy sexual services are pretty "black and white" to me

MsPav · 19/01/2012 23:49

Mainly a lurker, but really OP, you're DH is not lovely. My XH was manipulative and controlling. Nights out were an entitlement. Only now, ten years later can I stand back and realise how much I tolerated.

But the strippers/dancers! Even he, for all his faults understood what that was about, to his credit, and at the one stag, where one was "ordered" left, along with some others.

My current DC, and we live apart would never go anywhere that if I wasn't happy with it, and neither would I.

inspireme · 20/01/2012 00:01

Just because a man wants to go on a stag do/ had a stripper doesn't make him a twat. My DH contemplated a stag do when I would have been 37 wks pregnant, he realises now he was totally unreasonable about it. op you have my word on it that my DH is far from a twat, and a brilliant husband/father.

Men really go look at things different to us and it take them a while to see the light iyswim.

lazylula · 20/01/2012 00:05

We have 2 weddings this year, one being dh's brother. His stag do is in this country but costs £180 before they have even left, there is then food, drink, travel costs ect for the weekend. Luckily dh has decided it is too much money and said they can have a smaller stag do locally that he will go to! A friend of mine is expected to attend 3 hen dos for the same bride, including a week abroad, a spa and a long weekend somewhere! I wasinvited to futue sil's hen do but it is clashing with my parent's wedding anniversary so I am busy!

foglike · 20/01/2012 00:08

OP make your own mind up and don't listen to some of this terrible advice.

Your other half isn't awful and you sound lovely just make a decision as a family.

Psst whisper ^^

MustControlFistOfDeath · 20/01/2012 00:25

lazy 3 hen dos! Fucking hell, have a word Shock

OldMacEIEIO · 20/01/2012 01:11

well said foglike.
AF sounds like a right laugh. probbly a horrible wife with no soh who keeps her poor pecked husband on a short lease.

loopy, if its a question of money, ask him not to go. If its a question of decency, ask him not to go, if its a question of him having all the fun while you struggle, heck , let him go. at least one of you will be happy

AnyFucker · 20/01/2012 07:23

Mac, make up your own quotes

very lazy, 1/10

OldMacEIEIO · 20/01/2012 08:32

ok.
If God had wanted me to sit here and listen to your gob, he would have given me a bigger @rse and a smaller head