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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to think that this is just rubbish? (MIL and babysitting one)

198 replies

lazymonkeyface · 17/01/2012 17:44

This is my first AIBU, so please be kind :-)

My son, Ethan, is 4 months old. I've got PND and he's going through a teething/not sleeping at night phase. My MIL and SFIL asked if i wanted to go visit an elderly relative of theirs today. My husband was off work so he was going to go too. Due a seriously awful night with Ethan, we asked if they would take Ethan for the day with them. They agreed and picked him up at 10:30.

I'm trying not to drip feed, but they are lovely people usually. I went to visit my family who live abroad over Christmas with my son. Husband couldn't come as he was working. The whole time we were away they kept telling DH that they really missed Ethan, "so much so it hurts". They must have really ticked DH off (usually he's really laid back) because he snapped that i wasn't just an incubator and he's sick of the comments saying how much Ethan was missed but not me. SFIL also made comments to everyone that Ethan in his elf outfit was child abuse. This is even though he knows i was a victim of Child Abuse.

Anyway. When they arrived i was getting a shower. DH told them that Ethan had two bottles, veg and fruit puree and that there was no rush to come back early "but come back when you're done visiting" He told them that Ethan HAS to eat his veg before any fruit when they are feeding him. They agreed.

Fast forward to 3:30. I get a text saying they were leaving the relatives house and were "just calling in at Morrisons" and would bring him back after that. Was that ok? As the relative lives 15 mins from Morrisons which is 5 mins from ours we agreed and put off going food shopping. (maybe TMI, but we would have gone earlier, but we napped and then had sex).

They arrived back in the house at 5pm!! When i said he looked shattered They told me he's only had a 45 min nap all day. I told them he needs a nap every 90 mins. They acted suprised. They know this because they think i'm hardcore making him nap either every 90 mins or when he yawns twice. They have constantly told me this is silly. They also said whenever they cried they gave him a bottle.

So i suck it up and get him ready for bed. He giggles at me for the first time! As i called out to DH to tell him, they then say "oh, he's been doing that all day" all smug!!! WHO DOES THAT?!

So i'm upset. DH goes shopping himself and i put Ethan to bed. Ethan is crying because he's so tired and wont be cuddled or have me around him. So i have to leave him (i've tried everything else so please don't judge) and keep gping back in 5 mins.

I unpack his nappy bag and he's had 3 bottles (well two made up and a carton) and no veg, but his fruit is completely empty.They've not even opened the veg jar.

So to round up, they haven't let him nap, were so much longer than we thought, and have disregarded my veg first rules. AIBU to think that this is rubbish and isn't right? I'm trying not to be all PFB, but i'm just ticked. He was supposed to be staying over there the day after my birthday but AIBU to cancel this because i don't know if they'll follow his routine?

and breathe

OP posts:
lazymonkeyface · 17/01/2012 18:04

Thanks everyone. I was quite prepared to be told i was being a bit pfb about it.

I'm a bit confused with the bun/biscuit thing? Can someone please explain?

I can confirm it's a real story, but judging by a few comments maybe i shouldn't be admitting that? :) I guess i just used his name because it was easier for me.

I didn't realise that i should be hiding the fact i'm weaning at 4 months. We have been advised to wean early by HCPs as he has really bad reflux so that's what we are doing. He wont eat baby rice and doesn't have the full jar. Just, normally, 3 spoons of them both along with his bottle.

OP posts:
Kayzr · 17/01/2012 18:05

YABU you had a day to yourself. So he missed a nap and ate his fruit. At 4 months its a bit young to be saying if you don't eat your greens there's no pudding

SpikeInTheBasement · 17/01/2012 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lazymonkeyface · 17/01/2012 18:07

spike maybe nap is the wrong word. He gets tired after about 90 mins of being awake. You can tell this because he yawns a lot in a few minutes, starts rubbing his eyes and getting fussy. As his mom, i've had a lot of trial and error to work this out.

Normally, when not massively over-tired, i put him down for a nap. Leave him to generally whine (never screaming or hysterical) for 5-10 mins. Go in, give him his dummy again and he goes to sleep. It's worked well for the last 4 months, so i have little fear i'm ruining him

OP posts:
lazymonkeyface · 17/01/2012 18:08

I meant make

OP posts:
littlemisssarcastic · 17/01/2012 18:08

OP, Do you really make your DS nap if he yawns twice or every 90 minutes?? Really??

How on earth do you manage to do that? And why can't you use the same technique to make him sleep at night?

littlemisssarcastic · 17/01/2012 18:10

Sorry X posted OP.

Does your DS nap for long?

SpikeInTheBasement · 17/01/2012 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumpsnowjustplump · 17/01/2012 18:14

My son had really bad reflux and were were adviced to put off weaning until later and alergy wean him. HCP do vary on their advice dont they! Anyhoo ds is a strapping almost 3 year old now so this nugget of info is totally irrelivent..

As you were lol

SiamoNellaMerda · 17/01/2012 18:14

I'm rubbing my eyes in disbelief at what I'm reading here for fuck's sake! So the poor little thing dares to rub his eyes and that's it? You're all over him like a rash making him go to sleep? The more I think about it the more unhinged you sound!

bumpsnowjustplump · 17/01/2012 18:15

how many spelling mistakes in my last post grrrr fat fingers.

OTTMummA · 17/01/2012 18:15

If you eat fruit after anything else it will ferment in the stomach and cause gas.
So really, having fruit first is best.
But i suggest that you have a mix of HM puree, with both veg and fruit mixed together, ie, apple and carrot.

I think YAB a little bit U.
But i can understand that when you have PND routines and the way you like things done make your days run a little bit better.. so i would just let them have him for a couple hours at a time until he is a bit bigger and less affected by a change of routine.

tyaca · 17/01/2012 18:15

at 4months, my dd would often nap every couple of hours. and i too would take her yawns as a cue. and she did indeed just go to sleep when i put her down for a nap.

OP - i have sinking feeling that people are going to get horrible here. hide thread and have a glass of wine. you sounds like a lovely person - albeit slightly PFB bonkers at the moment. sorry to hear about your PND, hope things get better soon x

lazymonkeyface · 17/01/2012 18:16

littlemisssarcastic Yeah I do. That's what it's been like since he was 6 weeks old. I know how long he can be awake before he gets too tired. During the day he naps for around 30-60 mins. He wakes up happy and ready to play.

At night time, we still put him to bed and follow the 5-10 min thing. He goes off to sleep easily, but has been waking every hour or so for the last week. He's in pain because of teething and just wanting cuddles etc. Before this, he was sleeping 12 hours a night and only waking once during that time for literally a couple of ozs of milk and a cuddle. He'd be asleep again within 10 mins.

OP posts:
tyaca · 17/01/2012 18:17

siamo - really, why be so catty? Hmm

yousankmybattleship · 17/01/2012 18:18

I totally and completely understand why you're upset because I too was a crazy precious first born Mum! YABU though. You are increadibly lucky to have grandparents dedicated enough to take a four month old for a whole day. I can't see anything wrong in how your parents in law looked after him and I think you should be more grateful. It is hard when people do things differently with your baby but it does help to get a bit of perspective and realise that different doesn't necessarily mean wrong. Have a glass of wine and chill out!!

fatcaaah · 17/01/2012 18:18

Also dp was cross because they said they missed your ds and didn't say they missed you? Confused

SuePurblybilt · 17/01/2012 18:18

Goodness, on the same day as a SWMNBN thread, this one is an unfortunate coincidence.

OP I'd be more hacked off at their thoughtlessness over the giggling thing but that's hardly something you can change.

SaraBellumHertz · 17/01/2012 18:19

siamo definitely not just you

Early weaning check

Controlled crying check

Bottles check

Dummy check

Jars check

GF style routine check

And a stealth boast re afternoon sex Grin

SiamoNellaMerda · 17/01/2012 18:20

Exactly sara - all the bells are ringing and the caller is ready to shout "HOUSE" Grin

Floggingmolly · 17/01/2012 18:20

Your baby naps every 90 minutes? Seriously? Hmm

lazymonkeyface · 17/01/2012 18:21

Thanks for your nice comments. tyaca i can also see this happening. I didn't realise when i posted asking if i was being unreasonable, instead of people just saying "yes" i'd have to justify to strangers the way I parent, or indeed that I was a real person.

I've seen enough i think to get the idea I am being too PFB and i need to let things go. I guess having pnd and the routine being changed has affected me too

OP posts:
SpikeInTheBasement · 17/01/2012 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumpsnowjustplump · 17/01/2012 18:24

Lazy I think every first time mum is PFBish to a degree but at the time they dont see it. I used to make everyone use antibacterial gel before they touched dd1 Blush. Dont take offence, we are just envious you have a 4 month old and are having sex Wink!!

tyaca · 17/01/2012 18:26

OP - have a read here