...to think that this is just rubbish? (MIL and babysitting one)

[lazymonkeyface]

This is my first AIBU, so please be kind :-)

My son, Ethan, is 4 months old. I've got PND and he's going through a teething/not sleeping at night phase. My MIL and SFIL asked if i wanted to go visit an elderly relative of theirs today. My husband was off work so he was going to go too. Due a seriously awful night with Ethan, we asked if they would take Ethan for the day with them. They agreed and picked him up at 10:30.

I'm trying not to drip feed, but they are lovely people usually. I went to visit my family who live abroad over Christmas with my son. Husband couldn't come as he was working. The whole time we were away they kept telling DH that they really missed Ethan, "so much so it hurts". They must have really ticked DH off (usually he's really laid back) because he snapped that i wasn't just an incubator and he's sick of the comments saying how much Ethan was missed but not me. SFIL also made comments to everyone that Ethan in his elf outfit was child abuse. This is even though he knows i was a victim of Child Abuse.

Anyway. When they arrived i was getting a shower. DH told them that Ethan had two bottles, veg and fruit puree and that there was no rush to come back early "but come back when you're done visiting" He told them that Ethan HAS to eat his veg before any fruit when they are feeding him. They agreed.

Fast forward to 3:30. I get a text saying they were leaving the relatives house and were "just calling in at Morrisons" and would bring him back after that. Was that ok? As the relative lives 15 mins from Morrisons which is 5 mins from ours we agreed and put off going food shopping. (maybe TMI, but we would have gone earlier, but we napped and then had sex).

They arrived back in the house at 5pm!! When i said he looked shattered They told me he's only had a 45 min nap all day. I told them he needs a nap every 90 mins. They acted suprised. They know this because they think i'm hardcore making him nap either every 90 mins or when he yawns twice. They have constantly told me this is silly. They also said whenever they cried they gave him a bottle.

So i suck it up and get him ready for bed. He giggles at me for the first time! As i called out to DH to tell him, they then say "oh, he's been doing that all day" all smug!!! WHO DOES THAT?!

So i'm upset. DH goes shopping himself and i put Ethan to bed. Ethan is crying because he's so tired and wont be cuddled or have me around him. So i have to leave him (i've tried everything else so please don't judge) and keep gping back in 5 mins.

I unpack his nappy bag and he's had 3 bottles (well two made up and a carton) and no veg, but his fruit is completely empty.They've not even opened the veg jar.

So to round up, they haven't let him nap, were so much longer than we thought, and have disregarded my veg first rules. AIBU to think that this is rubbish and isn't right? I'm trying not to be all PFB, but i'm just ticked. He was supposed to be staying over there the day after my birthday but AIBU to cancel this because i don't know if they'll follow his routine?

and breathe

I wouldn't worry-it is hard when it is your first. You will relax as time goes on. The important thing to remember is that you can't control things when you are not there.

I suppose so lady it's mad the way they change things all the time I wasn't having a dig at op i was just confused about the age of her ds

Some babies do sleep a lot. My second slept 4,5,6 hours between feeds. I would feed her and put her down and she slept for another 4,5,6 hours, usually till I got fed up and woke her up. My first one never slept so I deserved the second.

I understand that spike but obviously that cannot apply to every single child they all have different needs

Spike, fyi they changed the recommended weaning age back to four to six months last year. Nearer four months best if you EBF, so they say.

For my DS and DD1, it was 16 weeks. When DD2 was born, that had changed to 6 months. Weaning at 4 months did her no harm, and it was on the advice of my HV. She'd have the boobs eaten off me if I hadn't

This thread is the best and worst of MN - people gently pointing out that the OP is being a bit PFB alongside others implying that feeding your baby from jars at 4 months is such terrible behaviour the OP must be a troll. Or that a bit of PFBness makes her unhinged. Would people stick the boot in like this in real life?

To clarify, it's the British Medical Journal report that says that - it's not currently NHS recommendation...

Spike. As i have already explained, my HCP told me to do it. The baby eats his food, doesn't just push it out. I am, however, more than happy to give you the telephone number of the pediatrician if you would like? Of course, he wouldn't be able to actually tell you anything about my son, but maybe it would stop you worrying about other people weaning their children before 6 months? Just trying to help?

x-post

Why the insistence on veg before fruit anyway? Why could it possibly matter?

Anyway in answer to your question op maybe you were a bit unreasonable but I can understand when I had my dd (now 18 months) I had everything in a routine and hated feeling like I wasn't being listened too! But hey it's not the worst thing that could happen do take a deep breath (and a glass of wine) and forget about it

Er, can I borrow your MIL & SFIL please? And maybe swap children? I would LOVE a day to myself. I would LOVE DS to eat some food (in any order) and I would LOVE him to take a bottle. Having said that, YANBU; if you told them 'the rules' then they should have followed them, however bonkers other members of MN think they are

Man this thread has brought out the disgenenuous in their droves...

• Maybe veg before fruit as fruit is more palatable (being sweet), so baby is more likely to fill up on that to the detriment of the more nutritious veg.

• I'm as pro-6-month weaning as the next, but with all due respect, perhaps the OP should go by the guidance of her HCP who knows her baby (and his reflux) over random-poster-X-off-t'internet

• some babies need - and benefit from - more sleep than others. Just because you had one who barely needed any, doesn't mean the OP is forcing her child to sleep when it doesn't need it.

What else?

• 'full detachment' parenting, for heaven's sake!! Loving how people are jumping to iron-cast conclusions about the OP's parenting style, based on a couple of decisions made based on nothing more than the circumstances at hand during one incidence.

• 'my baby was giggling at 2 days old, why on earth isn't yours as well??!!' too nonsensical to deserve a response.

On the other hand, OP, your PnD is only likely to be exacerbated if you try to do and control every little thing yourself and never allow yourself a few hours off. Your baby is with people who love him and will be safe and sound. He might not be following your exact routine, but... sex during the daytime and a chance to MN freely bigger picture, bigger picture, bigger picture. Just keep reminding yourself. :)

Yabvu!!!!

I am very glad I had mine before terms like "full detachment parenting" were invented. I think I may have practiced it without fully realising the terrible damage I was inflicting.

I am also glad mine are at an age where what age they were weaned is a distant memory

I haven't read all the thread but when my DS was 4 months old he napped for 40 minutes every 2 hours, regular as clockwork and bloody annoying. Nothing I could do to prod him towards longer, more spaced-out naps would work ... but there it was, it didn't last forever!

Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed the PFB stories on the other thread, OP, you are definitely not alone! :)

Tbh if the inlaws did something you had told them not to do big or small I would not be leaving my child with them again anytime soon unsupervised as they clearly can not respect the parents wishes. All this free childcare crap if the G'parents dont want to look after the child they will say so and they proberly enjoyed looking after the child more than mum enjoyed the child being gone.

If you never stand up to people who show you no respect then they will constantly ignor you and disrespect you..

Mum of 2year old whos MIL continuesly ignors mine and my DH's wishes and underminds us infront of our own child.

What slinkingoutsideinsocks said.

Have a large OP - tomorrow is another day :)