...to think that this is just rubbish? (MIL and babysitting one)

[lazymonkeyface]

This is my first AIBU, so please be kind :-)

My son, Ethan, is 4 months old. I've got PND and he's going through a teething/not sleeping at night phase. My MIL and SFIL asked if i wanted to go visit an elderly relative of theirs today. My husband was off work so he was going to go too. Due a seriously awful night with Ethan, we asked if they would take Ethan for the day with them. They agreed and picked him up at 10:30.

I'm trying not to drip feed, but they are lovely people usually. I went to visit my family who live abroad over Christmas with my son. Husband couldn't come as he was working. The whole time we were away they kept telling DH that they really missed Ethan, "so much so it hurts". They must have really ticked DH off (usually he's really laid back) because he snapped that i wasn't just an incubator and he's sick of the comments saying how much Ethan was missed but not me. SFIL also made comments to everyone that Ethan in his elf outfit was child abuse. This is even though he knows i was a victim of Child Abuse.

Anyway. When they arrived i was getting a shower. DH told them that Ethan had two bottles, veg and fruit puree and that there was no rush to come back early "but come back when you're done visiting" He told them that Ethan HAS to eat his veg before any fruit when they are feeding him. They agreed.

Fast forward to 3:30. I get a text saying they were leaving the relatives house and were "just calling in at Morrisons" and would bring him back after that. Was that ok? As the relative lives 15 mins from Morrisons which is 5 mins from ours we agreed and put off going food shopping. (maybe TMI, but we would have gone earlier, but we napped and then had sex).

They arrived back in the house at 5pm!! When i said he looked shattered They told me he's only had a 45 min nap all day. I told them he needs a nap every 90 mins. They acted suprised. They know this because they think i'm hardcore making him nap either every 90 mins or when he yawns twice. They have constantly told me this is silly. They also said whenever they cried they gave him a bottle.

So i suck it up and get him ready for bed. He giggles at me for the first time! As i called out to DH to tell him, they then say "oh, he's been doing that all day" all smug!!! WHO DOES THAT?!

So i'm upset. DH goes shopping himself and i put Ethan to bed. Ethan is crying because he's so tired and wont be cuddled or have me around him. So i have to leave him (i've tried everything else so please don't judge) and keep gping back in 5 mins.

I unpack his nappy bag and he's had 3 bottles (well two made up and a carton) and no veg, but his fruit is completely empty.They've not even opened the veg jar.

So to round up, they haven't let him nap, were so much longer than we thought, and have disregarded my veg first rules. AIBU to think that this is rubbish and isn't right? I'm trying not to be all PFB, but i'm just ticked. He was supposed to be staying over there the day after my birthday but AIBU to cancel this because i don't know if they'll follow his routine?

and breathe

Haha what does that even mean spike?

It means she thinks it's a troll. In which case, ignore or report.

But if it's not, then we'll just take the chance and upset her, shall we?

Ah thanks Jamie I'm new to mums net I don't even know what 'troll' means lol

Livergirl - near the top of the page there's a note on "troll hunting"

Ah right I'm on an I phone can't see any message I am sure I will get the gist of mums net soon

livergirl
Mumsnet troll policy

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Yabu for complaining about a day to yourself, weaning your child early, putting your child to sleep on a strict schedule/based on 2 yawns, weaning at 4 months and using CC. HTH

bumble
Thanks for your input. I'm guessing you haven't read the whole thread where I - repeatedly - have said my baby's hcp told us to wean early. If you have read that, then i can only say you are being unreasonable telling me not to follow his instructions.
As for the other comments, i appreciate your input

You sound very hormonal and pfb. (and completely nuts if I'm honest, no offence)

You're very set on your routines, I don't see what the problem was with giving the child an extra bottle, surely he would have refused it if he wasn't hungry? To hell with routine, a hungry baby is a hungry baby. Milk is better for him than veg at four months anyway, so he wasn't endangered in any way.

I'd want for my one to be all smiles if we sent her off for the day, I don't see how them telling you how happy the baby was makes them so evil. Surely you would be relieved? And happy that they can be trusted to keep your lo happy?

You're also pissed that they were missing their grandchild over xmas rather than you. Hate to break it to you but everybody is interested in and loves the baby because its a baby (and brand new), nobody cares about you, your an adult and adults are boring so get over it.

Only my friends visit me, family and in laws only care about the most magnificent creature that has ever come into existence, I'm delighted they agree with me and very grateful to have people who care.

Appreciate your good fortune that these people are kind enough to help you out of love for their grandchild. Stop pissing on their interest and generosity, send them a thank you note and small gift for taking him out and giving you a break.

Then get over yourself. For your own sake, it's no wonder you're depressed when your a control freak who flips out over a slight deviation from the rules. Learn to be kind to yourself and others.

Thanks monkey face

YABU - I'd give my eye teeth for GPs to take my DD for even a few hours, a full day sounds like bliss to me. Chill out, enjoy it and be grateful that you have help.

As the mum, they should really follow your instuctions. You know what he needs best and it's disrespectful to ignore your babies needs/your wishes. I can completely get the yawning/needing sleep business. I was more routine based with my first but with my third it's impossible due to school runs etc.

About the PND- can you get some CBT therapy. It will really help.

hi monkey
as you can see posting on aibu as i found out earlier in the week by starting a thread in this topic mostly brings out the bad in everyone !!!
and lots of negativity comes out!!

it must be so hard having pnd!! i have never had it so cant say from experience
it doesnt sound very nice. i have had depression before and suffer from anxiety!!
hope you have enough support for your pnd
not sure where all this weaning talk has come from!! you weren't asking "have i started weaning too early"
like you say you were told to start weaning early it is none of peoples when you start weaning - reflux must be hard work!! sounds horrid
regarding mil taking ds you did specifi that you wanted him to have veg first and they didnt listen!! i think that not having the veg first once or twice wont harm
i luv routine and have 2 dds a 3 yr old and 6 yrs old
when they were little i was very strict following gf especially with naps
you arent doing anything wrong
it must be great to have time on your own but hard also to let go of how u do everything

spike helpful as ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if your baby's routine is that important then maybe you shouldn't have let them take him out for the day. your baby was fed, changed, entertained and well looked. If you are that desperate for a whole day without your baby then you have to accept they look after him well and you are very lucky.

nobody will ever look after your baby/toddler/child the way you do because they are not you. i'm sure you also have days out with your baby where plans change, you get home late, he's overtired/hungry. if you haven't then you will!

Some odd posters on MN just lately

CC is not the same as CIO.

Seriously, usual is it a lolling invasion? I think we should be told.

Jesus, fruit/veg at FOUR months?! My baby is that age....

Sue , Mn has a very odd feel about it just lately

Its getting on my wick tbh

OP- you are being a little unreasonable, It's so easy to get hung up on routines etc with your 1st, and PND is a bitch for making you want things 'just so', I take a more laid back 'one day off routine won't kill' this time around. Even if MIL blatantly ignores my polite requests on how to look after MY child sometime. smile through it!
And OBVIOUSLY you are seriously unhinged for taking a medical professionals opinion over a high and mighty MNer who has done her research on the internet and has no clue about you or your child. sheesh. And don't you DARE try to muddle through motherhood and implement a routine that works for you and your baby, wing it, stuff it if he yawns, make him overtired, tough luck, he should stay awake longer. apparently.