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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to think that this is just rubbish? (MIL and babysitting one)

198 replies

lazymonkeyface · 17/01/2012 17:44

This is my first AIBU, so please be kind :-)

My son, Ethan, is 4 months old. I've got PND and he's going through a teething/not sleeping at night phase. My MIL and SFIL asked if i wanted to go visit an elderly relative of theirs today. My husband was off work so he was going to go too. Due a seriously awful night with Ethan, we asked if they would take Ethan for the day with them. They agreed and picked him up at 10:30.

I'm trying not to drip feed, but they are lovely people usually. I went to visit my family who live abroad over Christmas with my son. Husband couldn't come as he was working. The whole time we were away they kept telling DH that they really missed Ethan, "so much so it hurts". They must have really ticked DH off (usually he's really laid back) because he snapped that i wasn't just an incubator and he's sick of the comments saying how much Ethan was missed but not me. SFIL also made comments to everyone that Ethan in his elf outfit was child abuse. This is even though he knows i was a victim of Child Abuse.

Anyway. When they arrived i was getting a shower. DH told them that Ethan had two bottles, veg and fruit puree and that there was no rush to come back early "but come back when you're done visiting" He told them that Ethan HAS to eat his veg before any fruit when they are feeding him. They agreed.

Fast forward to 3:30. I get a text saying they were leaving the relatives house and were "just calling in at Morrisons" and would bring him back after that. Was that ok? As the relative lives 15 mins from Morrisons which is 5 mins from ours we agreed and put off going food shopping. (maybe TMI, but we would have gone earlier, but we napped and then had sex).

They arrived back in the house at 5pm!! When i said he looked shattered They told me he's only had a 45 min nap all day. I told them he needs a nap every 90 mins. They acted suprised. They know this because they think i'm hardcore making him nap either every 90 mins or when he yawns twice. They have constantly told me this is silly. They also said whenever they cried they gave him a bottle.

So i suck it up and get him ready for bed. He giggles at me for the first time! As i called out to DH to tell him, they then say "oh, he's been doing that all day" all smug!!! WHO DOES THAT?!

So i'm upset. DH goes shopping himself and i put Ethan to bed. Ethan is crying because he's so tired and wont be cuddled or have me around him. So i have to leave him (i've tried everything else so please don't judge) and keep gping back in 5 mins.

I unpack his nappy bag and he's had 3 bottles (well two made up and a carton) and no veg, but his fruit is completely empty.They've not even opened the veg jar.

So to round up, they haven't let him nap, were so much longer than we thought, and have disregarded my veg first rules. AIBU to think that this is rubbish and isn't right? I'm trying not to be all PFB, but i'm just ticked. He was supposed to be staying over there the day after my birthday but AIBU to cancel this because i don't know if they'll follow his routine?

and breathe

OP posts:
FlouncyMcFlouncer · 17/01/2012 17:47

Yup. Better never let them near him again. Only you can work your baby, obviously.

Or - tomorrow's another day, get over it, they gave you a lovely day to yourself?

You choose.

HamblesHandbag · 17/01/2012 17:50

YABU

and enormously PFB.

purplepansy · 17/01/2012 17:51

YABU. They are grandparents, they are going to have different views to you. They have successfully managed to raise one child at least (your DH) so chill out. My mother fed my 3yr old a pink sparkly cupcake and a pack of chocolate buttons for her lunch last time she volunteered to take her out had her dumped on her by me. And in fact I didn't care because she'd had a lovely time with grandma, and I had an afternoon off. Relax, breathe, your child is alive and well and you got to have a nap, AND have sex :o

Cinquefoil · 17/01/2012 17:51

I would be furious had this happened to me.

However, DS is now 10 months, and I get that these things happen.

I do know how you feel, and I do think that if there are certain things that are non-negotiable for you, then you need to make that very clear.

But in general, it's probably best for both you and your son to not worry too much about this kind of stuff. Try to prevent it, if it really bothers you - I just won't have my in-laws in sole charge of DS and that's that; nobody had seemed bothered by this so far.

Don't worry too much about the nap stuff-they chop and change their routine all the time, and it's not the end of the world.

How are you, though? Are you getting enough sleep and support?

ShatnersBassoon · 17/01/2012 17:52

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. They did you a huge favour, and the minor details shouldn't matter.

They were visiting people and were busy. It just isn't possible to let a baby nap every 90 minutes in such circumstances. He did have a nap, even if it wasn't as long as he would usually have when in his usual routine.

They didn't plan on having to care for a young baby when they arranged the visit, so you have to accept that they'll do some things at their convenience ie giving him something to eat that they know he'll have without fuss.

They got him back by 5pm, not late in most people's eyes.

c0rnsilllk · 17/01/2012 17:52

are babies weaned at 4 months now? I feel old....
Op just let it go - you will be glad of their help in the long run.

lazymonkeyface · 17/01/2012 17:52

crap. I was hoping i wasn't. Will have a glass of wine and get over myself

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 17/01/2012 17:52

Is this real, only using your DS's name and admitting to weaning him at four months is going to make people Hmm a bit

Kayano · 17/01/2012 17:53

Yab pfb

ABatInBunkFive · 17/01/2012 17:54
Grin
ENormasSnob · 17/01/2012 17:54

Jesus h Christ.

Get over yourself and chill out.

Seriously, you are way ott.

Imnotaslimjim · 17/01/2012 17:54

Don't want to be harsh as its the last thing you need but YABU. You will realise in a few months that you are bering PFB and it just doesn't matter!!

Look at it this way - you got a lovely quiet day, got to nap and have sex in the day Envy and DS was with people that obviously adore him

So what if he didn't get his veg? Its one meal, in one day. It WILL happen again!

As Flouncy said, either you never let them have him again, or you accept that they do things different to you

Dolcegusto · 17/01/2012 17:55

Honestly? I wouldn't worry. Fruit first once in a while won't have any ill effect on him.

I can see why you're annoyed about the not-napping but I think if you use GPs for free childcare, they are entitled to do things their way to a certain extent. And at 4 months, missing a nap really won't do any harm.

As for the being too long, just popping into Morrisions - maybe when they got there he was hungry or needed a nappy change, which take time. Or maybe they just lost track of time.

Don't cancel your birthday treat. You have a tiny baby and PND, you need a birthday treat! Your ils clearly adore your ds, they'll take good care of him and return him to you in one piece. Don't alienate them, they'll come in very handy for babysitting over the next few years!

lisaro · 17/01/2012 17:55
Biscuit
usualsuspect · 17/01/2012 17:55

YABU

You got a child free day , he came back in one piece

Get over it

AnyFucker · 17/01/2012 17:56

love, when somebody offers to take your baby off your hands for a few hours you snatch their hand off

and you overlook any minor differences in how they look after him, as long as he is safe

the end

ok ?

Grin
SpikeInTheBasement · 17/01/2012 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 17/01/2012 17:58

The glass of wine sounds good, you are being a little bit pfb about it all and shouldn't be worrying quite so much.
His routine was disrupted, he's not had the normal things to eat, but he has been fed, he's been kept safe and warm and if he's been giggling then he's been happy. He's had a nice day bonding with his gp's and you and dh have had a nice day off. Don't sweat the small stuff.

SpikeInTheBasement · 17/01/2012 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumpsnowjustplump · 17/01/2012 18:00

YABU you had a day off and ds wont be harmed. My 9 week old doesn't nap every 90 mins how on earth do you do that? Shock

Ilovedaintynuts · 17/01/2012 18:00

Oh YABU and need to get over yourself!
I was reading your post and waiting for the punch line where they did something bad.

In the whole scheme of things this is nothing and you should be grateful arhat you have family that will look after your baby.

So they were a few minutes late! So they didn't open his veg - for Christ's sake he's 4 months!

I think you will look back one day and feel a bit silly about over-reacting Grin

SiamoNellaMerda · 17/01/2012 18:01

So it's just me that thinks that whole OP story sounds batshit crazy? Ok then.

CailinDana · 17/01/2012 18:02

If someone takes my DS out for me, the criterion is that he comes back alive. Beyond that I'm not picky, because I trust the people who care for him and I know they would never do anything to hurt him. So what if he didn't have enough naps or if he had fruit? If you don't trust your ILs then best not to let them take your son out at all until you feel like you do trust them.

usualsuspect · 17/01/2012 18:03

I think we all think the OPs story sounds batshit crazy tbh

SpikeInTheBasement · 17/01/2012 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.