to be pissed at DSis reason for not attending our wedding?

[dontcallmedeliah]

(I know it is a wedding one ? so prepared to be called out on this but?.)

Me and DP are getting married after I have given birth to DC1. So getting married in March.
DP is an Icelander and so we are getting married in Iceland.

My family (Parents, siblings and their families are flying out to come to the wedding)

Flights all booked and paid for by my parents as a wedding present to us (for all of my family) - should point out that my dad works for the airline and got discount/deals with our flights

DSis2 phoned me up yesterday and asked what weather is probably going to be like when we are there.
Told her that the average temperature was around 2C in the day. She asked about the length of daylight. Told it would be about 11hrs a day.

Anyway she said she would phone me back.

When she did, she said her husband had been on the Internet and had discovered that it can be very very windy at that time, with lots of snow etc.

Well yes it is March and very far north.

She says that she and BIL think that it would be too cold for their DS who is 5. Has he isn?t use to such temperatures or snow (they live in the channel islands)

Well I was shocked ? told her to bring very warm things and they keep homes and hotels and other warm. And are more than use to the weather and how to deal with it.

Told her (in the way you could probably only say to a sibling) that Icelanders have dealt with the cold for thousands of years and they are fine and that we are bringing our newborn with us and DP has 3 DN who are all under 6 who are perfectly fine in weather.

She basically ignored all that and said that she and BIL have reached their decision and are not going to change their mind ? the 3 of them are not going.
I asked about the flight ? she said that she would just talk to Dad about them.

AIBU to think that is a stupid reason for not coming to your sisters wedding and to be mighty pissed at her?

It is not up to you to decide if it's a stupid reason. She doesn't want to go, for whatever reason, so you should respect that.

YANBU she is a wally and a half.

Yes it's a bonkers reason - would you be happy with "We don't want to go?" though.

Are you serious?

Really?

What's the real reason she doesn't want to come - this is so ridiculous as an excuse there's got to be something else going on.

Oh, YADNBU.

It is a stupid reason, which makes me think it was all they could come to cover the fact that they just don't want to go.

I wouldn't be bothered if my sister didn't want to come to my wedding, but I would rather she had been honest and hadn't let my mum book flights etc before plucking up the courage to decline the invitation.

That's ridiculous. I would be pissed off too. YANBU

YANBU to pissed at your dsis. The best thing to do is accept it and enjoy your day, she will be the one to regret missing out in the future.

Sorry- but your sister is an arse. Too cold? What is she going to do- get the tickets swapped for a flight to the Med? Sounds like she is just looking for an excuse not to go. Sounds like you are better off without them if they would all be moaning about the cold.

YANBU. I would be hurt by this.

I would be furious she didn't say anything till after your parents had forked out for plane tickets- selfish cow

I would be fed up with her. A very strange and unlikely excuse.
However- back off now and let the rest of the family deal with her. The real reason is bound to come out and filter to you. Try and keep your cool!!

It sounds like she doesn't want to go and is using a crap excuse. What's your relationship like normally? Yanbu I would be upset too :(

That is a pretty bad excuse. What is the real reason?

Why are you actually getting married in March, why not June or July?

If I were flying family to Iceland (speaking as a Norwegian who is from somewhere MUCH further North within the arctic circle) I would probably chose the summer so they could enjoy the long hours of daylight, or February due to the fab light. Is there something special about March?

I would be seriously pissed off too. Unless she is going through some major personal issues she doesn't want to air at the moment.

Congratulations on your wedding!

I agree she is probably using the cold as an excuse. But it's still her choice whether she wants to go or not. I think you have a right to be pissed off with her for not telling the truth,if that's what she's doing, but you don't have a right to be pissed off with her for not wanting to go.

Maybe they would rather save their holiday from work to go somewhere they do want to go, maybe they know it will still cost them money and they have other things they would rather spend it on, maybe they don't want to take their child out of school?

Is their accommodation going to be free too?

I think it's an excuse too.

Is she anxious or scared of travelling?

Sounds like a pisspoor excuse for avoiding your wedding and I suspect they had no intention of attending and this is the only reason they can come up with. So YANBU.

In my experience, very cold places are much better at managing the temperatures indoors. You don't get the fearful draughts and chill that are commonplace over here because we rarely get properly severe winters.

So your dsis and the precious dn are likely to be cosier at an Icelandic wedding than they would at an English one at this time of year. Even the outside bits are easily managed by dressing cosily in warm layers and a healthy 5 year old will cope just fine.

Sorry, there's too much "cosy" in that last paragraph...

It's a very odd reason, but I would leave her to it OP.

Better that than force the issue and have something spoil your wedding and time in Iceland, either by having a family argument causing an atmosphere or by having your sister and her DH attend with sour faces and dressed in polar exploration gear.

It may be her genuine (bonkers) reason or she may be covering up some other reason (jealous? scared of flying? not enough money?)

But you will do yourself and the rest of the family a favour if you graciously say "well we are very sorry that you won't be there to celebrate with us, but you must do what you feel is best" and leave her be.

That way you don't fall out, the rest of the family don't feel caught in the middle or forced to take sides, and she looks like the bonkers, unreasonable sister who passed up a free flight to Iceland while you look like the kind, mature sister who is dealing with her bonkersness in a non-bridezilla way.

I think it shouldn't matter where and when you get married, parents and siblings should attend. It could be the Congo in mid summer or Antarctica in winter, this is not a holiday but a family obligation.

YANBU!

my sis did the same - DH and I got married in the Czech Rep (as he is Czech) and my parents payed for flights for family. Sis had a different excuse every time we spoke ('my DP doesn't like flying' (so come without the tosser then) 'I can't afford it' 'I don't have a passport' 'I can't go to foreign countries in my conditions' (she's diabetic)). Her final excuse was that we had given her too little notice so she couldn't get time off work. We told her in January, wedding was late August. In the end, on our wedding day, she phoned dad in the middle of the speeches and told me she was enjoying her weekend off work. I said 'that's nice' and hung up so I wasn't too outrageously rude to her!

Last time it was brought up in conversation (by family, not me) she said 'I couldn't have come, I was pregnant!' Her due date was end of May - so she wasn't pg at the end of August the previous year.

I am so so about it, as mum said the wedding was ruined for her by all the siblings not being there, and although DH and I were quite happy not to have her there, it did cast a shadow on the event. That said, we had a fab wedding, and I am so so so happy to have married my lovely husband - the actual wedding is irrelevant now!

Anyway, your sister is being a colossal pillock, and I hope you can enjoy your wedding without her. Iceland is such an amazing place, I suppose so long as nobody gets out the rotted shark, you should have a fantastic time!

Obligation??

If you are upsett by it then talk it through with her and find out what's really going on? Maybe she could come alone? I'm not saying it is down to finances in this case but my sister missed my wedding due to lack of finances (she lived abroad in SE Asia at the time and i was trying to plan my wedding around her not knowing if she would be able to come) and we both regret it now but in the moment money worries can be very stressful and make us make decisions we may not normally.

I live in the Channel Islands and i wouldnt wat to take my 5 year old to a wedding somewhere freezing. It will cost thm to buy new warmer clothes for their DC as well as flights as we have no direct flights there so have to pay out for flights to the mainland (upwards of £200) then flights on +accomadation+outfits etc

and she may not have said anything before as she felt under pressure to agree to go. If you want to get married away from home you have to accept some people won't be able to come (speaking as someone from the mainlad who married someone from Jersey in Jersey)