to be pissed at DSis reason for not attending our wedding?

[dontcallmedeliah]

(I know it is a wedding one ? so prepared to be called out on this but?.)

Me and DP are getting married after I have given birth to DC1. So getting married in March.
DP is an Icelander and so we are getting married in Iceland.

My family (Parents, siblings and their families are flying out to come to the wedding)

Flights all booked and paid for by my parents as a wedding present to us (for all of my family) - should point out that my dad works for the airline and got discount/deals with our flights

DSis2 phoned me up yesterday and asked what weather is probably going to be like when we are there.
Told her that the average temperature was around 2C in the day. She asked about the length of daylight. Told it would be about 11hrs a day.

Anyway she said she would phone me back.

When she did, she said her husband had been on the Internet and had discovered that it can be very very windy at that time, with lots of snow etc.

Well yes it is March and very far north.

She says that she and BIL think that it would be too cold for their DS who is 5. Has he isn?t use to such temperatures or snow (they live in the channel islands)

Well I was shocked ? told her to bring very warm things and they keep homes and hotels and other warm. And are more than use to the weather and how to deal with it.

Told her (in the way you could probably only say to a sibling) that Icelanders have dealt with the cold for thousands of years and they are fine and that we are bringing our newborn with us and DP has 3 DN who are all under 6 who are perfectly fine in weather.

She basically ignored all that and said that she and BIL have reached their decision and are not going to change their mind ? the 3 of them are not going.
I asked about the flight ? she said that she would just talk to Dad about them.

AIBU to think that is a stupid reason for not coming to your sisters wedding and to be mighty pissed at her?

I'll go!!!! Would love to go to Iceland. The more snow the better!

Your DSis is mad!

she probably cant afford it op, did you not think of that?

I've only read your OP, but can I offer my services as a step-in-sister? I've never been to Iceland and would LOVE to go! I also can provide not one but TWO adorable step-in-nephews, should you wish to take me up on my generous offer.

"Up from the depths, 30 stories high, breathing fire, his head in the clouds. Bridezilla, bridezilla"

I wonder how much back story we are missing.

Probably something to do with "I told her"

I don't think you can expect her to go to a wedding abroad.

I'm not surprised she doesn;t want to stay with family, as that can be very stressful, staying in someone else' house with a child.

There are probably a variety of reasons she doesn't want to go:
cost of hotel
the flight
the cold.

It probably just doesn't appeal to her to go there for a holiday, and she may not want to waste precious days off work for her dh, and you getting married just isn't reason enough for her. Everyone is different and some people are just not adventurous when it comes to holidays. Maybe she would prefer Ibiza?

She should have decided this before the flight were booked, but maybe it was just assumed she would go?

Afford what SSD? The free flights and free accomodation that has been offered?

yes there is cost of a hotel because she understandably does not want to stay with a family that she does not know.

Why "understandably"?

They will be there with the rest of the OPs family, it isnt as if they will be only ones there!

she sounds like a spoilt PITA to me and I wouldnt be too concerned that she wasnt coming!

It's perfectly understandable not to want to stay in someone;s house that you don't know, especially when you have a young child.

She is not demanding that her hotel is paid for, so how is she spoilt?

I am just wondering if there was pressure put on her to go and tickets booked and paid for before she had time to really think about it.

What part of Iceland being cold was a surprise to her ffs!

Its too cold, it'll be windy, I dont want to stay where everyone else is staying, my PFB wont like the snow......blah blah.

scapegoat vs golden child

"Told her (in the way you could probably only say to a sibling)"

"told her to bring very warm things... "

"paid for by my parents as a wedding present to us (for all of my family)"

there is an awful lot of "told" and "my" in there considering that the "problem" is her sister.

"And it isn't 'abroad' for the groom or for his family."

Well no, but it is still abroad for the sister who isn't going and the rest of the OP's family.

I just wondered OP, is she worried about the volcano?

agree with that BoneyBackJefferson. She is perfectly within her rights not to go. The only issue is the money paid for the flights, but that isn't even the OP's business; it is between the sister and her father.

Well I would "tell" my sister, in the way you can with sisters!

"Well, just bring lots of jumpers!" in a nice way not a do as you are told way.

And its her wedding ffs, of course its "I" and "me"!

good point about the volcano actually - many people were stuck in Iceland last year because of the ash.

I've been stuck in Guatemala due to a volcanic eruption.

Boney are you the sister

flatbread

not that i know of :)

Ye gods, I'm glad I'm not related to some of you.

When I was a PhD student (= poor) my DSis3 married her American husband in rural Vermont. So that is a flight from Manchester/ Leeds/ similar to NY and then a domestic flight from NY to superruralairport in VT. Takes at least a day and the cheapest flight I could get was about £500. Plus, it meant spending my birthday in VT as her wedding was only a day or so after.

But she is my sister, I love her, this is only going to happen once (presumably), and it is a really important day for the whole family. I will never get married myself and can't really be arsed about weddings, but this is a sibling fgs. Of course I went. Was it 'convenient'? No. But it's family.

Of course OP's sister has a right not to go. But then... OP also has a right never to speak to her sister again - not to leave DN anything in her will - not to offer babysitting when BIL is extremely ill and needs to be hospitalised - not to call Sis on her birthday - and all the thousand and one other little things that normal family members do for one another.

I cannot believe some of the attitudes on here. It's not a 'holiday' ffs, it's a really special occasion and yeah, you make sacrifices to go to something like that, especially when there is a really good reason for its being held where it is.

Bogeyface

its about "her" sister and "their" family as well as the wedding.

It is irrelevant what the sisters excuses is, where the wedding is and why it is being held abroad.

No one is obliged to go to any wedding for whatever reason they want, be it at home or abroad - but that is irrelevant now.

Anyone getting married must accept that some people will not come to their wedding for whatever reason they chose, regardless of their relationship to you. Yes, it may hurt or upset, but that is life. But again, this isn't relevant now.

The point here is that the sister should have made this decision BEFORE any tickets were booked.

I hope the sister will still pay her father for the unused tickets.

RevoltingPeasant

you are assuming that their relationship is the same as yours.