To wonder why quality of men is SO dire?

[janelikesjam]

I am genuinely puzzled. Am in my late 40s and would like a new relationship but what I see on offer (admittedly on dating sites) is so dire I am wondering whether I should give up.

The men seem largely unnattractive with few interests except the most conventional, and often boastful, weird and/or slimy to boot! (I would like to get out more to meet people in a more natural way, but am very restricted by my circumstances, so this not really an option, sadly.)

Anyway, any thoughts on this? Is it just my limited circumstances that is cutting me off from meeting interesting, attractive, available men that really do exist in the real world?

Or is it them? Did something happen to all these men along the way? Are they "ground down" in some way? Do men over the age of 25 not feel the need to bother with their appearance? Do men get more boring as they get older, and women the opposite way round?? Are the good ones simply taken, and those that remain are the ones with major problems?

Generally speaking, I don't remember men being so unappealing when I was younger, perhaps I was blinded by hormones (quite likely).

Is it me? It can't be, lol.

Any insights appreciated.

J.

goes for both genders though molly

yeah cause it does majorquimby and would think that of 95% of people who would use dating sites that I have ever encountered.

I think decent single blokes don't use dating sites. As others have said, going to where people of similar interest/activity are is probably best.

I do recall reading that younger men and older women have the tougher time date-wise as they are competing with more members of the same sex.

The thing is the menz think they want younger, and the older they get, the larger they want the age gap to be.

a 25 year old man will date a 25 year old woman
A 32 year old man wants a 28 year old woman
A 40 year old man wants a 30 year old woman

And so on.

It's true, I have worked out this equasion with total precision

However What men think they want, and who they actually fall in love with are often 2 different things, so all is not lost really.

God only knows where you meet them though.
I am in my thirties and there are sometimes men around who are divorced etc, so there is a chance of getting them second time around.
When I do internet dating it astounds me how fast the potentially good ones go, so there must be more quality women out there.

I have no trouble at all pulling 25 year olds, but that is not really what I want long term!

.

I am decidedly NOT a hottie, and still got pictures of genitals. Ewww. Nasty things, put them away.

Most of the men I've chatted to want a casual, the have their own single lives and just need someone to fill the gaps, to be honest, I just want a weekend man, I work during the week, come home by 6 been out since 7.10am, have to walk the dog, eat, I have no time during the week, but get lonely at weekends.

Decent blokes do use dating sites because they too have found that frequenting pubs is not the way to meet someone, nowadays it is not a good idea to meet someone at work.

I may get shot down for this but I think 100% british middle class blokes are the pits. They are selfish, have low aspiration and are massivly entitled, particuarly in relationships.

I think I always suspected this but meeting DP who's mother is a proper working class Belgian ( i know if doesn't sound much but it is) has proved this to myself. She took none of the misbehaviour and general twattishness that many british parents took from their middle-class sons when they were growing up. DP and his brother are a charming breath or fresh air compared to men of my generation who were just massively spoilt.

My other sucesful relationships were with men who's main carer was not british.

I think I rarely meet a really attractive man these days ( Agree they seemed more attractive when I was younger ... )

When I look at my lovely friends and see the standard of man they are paired up with ...

Maybe I just fancy women more !

Just joking I think !

YABU to generalise.

tardisjumper ... his brother ... ? More info please

Well, at the risk of sounding like a complete twat, I'd say I'm far from dire. I'm good looking, slim, own hair and teeth, decent interesting job that pays well, varied interests, tall, artistic, musical, gentle and compassionate etc.

But I work 10 - 12 hours a day, go home to sleep, most of my free time is spent with my dd ( NRP ) and the rest is usually spent with close male friends catching up on each others lives rather than chasing women.

At 43 I'd be embarrassed to go clubbing again, most pubs are too noisy to talk to anyone properly and I don't chat strangers up.

I have a friend who is a master of chatting women up, he's out there almost constantly. He's solvent, French farm house, two properties in the UK, very fit, very charming.... but a complete c*nt when it comes to treating women properly. He just can't resist the next woman he fancies.

Trouble is, the nice single blokes will likely be keeping their heads down, diligently getting on with life, working hard, going for walks, reading books. The toss pots are all on dating sites being toss pots.

No-one has ever sent me a picture of his genitals, for which I am profoundly grateful.

Sardinequeen: 'A decent man will make judgements based on things other than something as potentially inconsequential age.'

You are in cloud cuckoo land if you really believe that! Men (ALL) are completely shallow.

I think quite a lot of nice men won't use internet dating because they think it's naff or desperate.
As to the age thing - are you looking for a relationship or just a bit of fun? Older women looking for fun are going to get plenty of it with younger men - because a lot of younger men want an older woman who has either had her DC or never wanted any: what they don't want is broody women or those who are desperate to settle down.

I've given up. Totally agree with OP - dating sites guys are usually not worth dating.

Akshwally, I know a few nice, normal (ish!) guys who use dating sites.

I always thought that they only attracted creeps, but I was persuaded onto GSM by a much younger gay male friend who said that it's totally normal to do online dating now, and actually I didn't meet that many freaks.

You have to think of it as just an extra thing, rather than your potential saviour though.

I have read the whole thread now, and agree that you get some quality men doing things like mountain biking and bouldering.
However, that would me I would have to do those things too in order to meet said men, and I am not prepared to do that!

Maybe it would be a good idea to find out where all these outdoorsy clubs go for a pint after their exertions, when they are all muddy and sweaty...

Sardinequeen: 'A decent man will make judgements based on things other than something as potentially inconsequential age.'

Which of course is why there is no booming cosmetics industry to make women look younger....

Mr Gin-you are in exactly the right place to meet fabulous women!
Laydees, I have seen a photo of Mr Gin and he's rather attractive

Just put the cheque in the post Mr.

Very depressing view of men on here.

IMO and IME men are just as interested in meeting people that they share interests with and get on with (and are attracted to obviously) than something as stark as "she must be 10 years younger". I honestly would not touch any man who made that stipulation with a barge pole.

My DH is 5 years younger than me, incidentally, and he seems quite happy. That goes for the other younger men I have been out with.

Younger is definitely the way forward for the OP. Not dodgy older blokes who look a bit gippy yet still think they can bag someone much younger.

Well they seemed happy enough when I was seeing them

Single parents should use a special-interst chat forum to get to know like minded people...

See what I did there?

MrG you sound GREAT (but then you knew that.) If I was the OP I'd be right up in your inbox.

Hmm, it's exactly all the considerations on here that make me worried about internet dating - but I'm still seriously considering it, because I've been celibate for nearly 7 years now (Oh my gawd, only just do tne the sums, that is so depressing), and as a single mum with sole responsibility I can't do "meeting people" type things (I do go to an orchestra - v female dominated, most of the men are married; used to go climbing - not as many spare men as you might hope). Lovely single colleagues - but they are colleagues (and ten years younger). So, is it worth even trying, oh wise oracles of the internet dating scene?

YANBU. You would not believe the men my age who, as someone put it, 'You would move away from him if he sat next to you on a bus' who think they are entitled to a 25 or 30 year old.

Younger men are fine. They take better care of themselves, don't assume anything, are interested in what is going on in the world, respect me as an equal and are fun. I would just love to meet a man my age who I can have that with.

Fabby someone called you rough?!?