To think that an apology by text/in a card isn't good enough

[DizzyCow63]

And if you have done something that really upsets people, you should at least pick up the phone or try to apologise in person?

Would like others opinions though, can't work out if I'm expecting too much.

Depends what they have done tbh

Depends what they did, but there are two sides to ever story and if you want to rebuild the relationship, then you should accept any apology graciously.

Well it depends what they have done, and also if they think they are in the wrong, why would they apologies if they think they are in the right??

Does the person know they have upset you?

Agree that it depends what has happened.

If you have done something shitty, then you should make a proper apology. If someone is upset because, oh, I dunno, they are a nosy old cowbag and you finally told them to wind their neck in, then you shouldn't apologise at all.

etc etc

Yes, definitely depends on what has happened, who has done it, and if there is history.

Sometimes a written apology actually carries more weight. With people who have the gift of the gab, it's often much harder for them to come up with decent written word, so I would personally feel that a card meant more if they had wronged me, IYGWIM.

I think a card is quite thoughtful, actually. How heinous was the crime?

Come on ,you have to tell us the crime so we can judge offer advice

If it's from you dh and because you found him in bed with your bridesmaid on yourvwedding night then, no, not acceptible.

If someone knocked your favourite begonia off the patio, then yes, that would be a nice gesture.

You have to give a little context op, this isn't a dental extraction.

I have anxiety issues, which most people wouldn't know about, which means I have great difficulty speaking to people intimately (fine with strangers as I can put on an act and its all bravado). You would get something much more detailed, heartfelt and sincere in writing.

I would agree a text prob isn't enough but a card shows more consideration and effort.

I think texting is a bit naff, but then again, it's a start, I suppose.

A card likewise is someone making the first move, and is more thoughful.

An immediate phone call or visit could degenerate into an argument, depending on the circumstances, so a text or a card as a first move is probably ok.

It really depends on the actual circs, though.

Well I kind of think an apology is an apology. A card or text sent directly to you I would say is acceptable, if sent by word of mouth through a third party then that's not what I would consider a decent apology.

I have received apologies by text or card in the past and both seemed genuine to me and that was the end of it.

Do you feel they haven't suffered enough yet? Sometimes a text or letter is a safe way to apologise and takes the heat out of a face to face discussion.

generally speaking, an apology is an apology.

Wanting it in a particular medium is pretty high-maintenance imo. Accept graciously or don't, but don't go stomping around insisting that they apologise for their apology now...

I think a card is nice but a text is unacceptable.

Depends if it seems genuine enough.

depends on the "crime" a text apology for being late is fine, for cheating not fine at all for example. Impossibl to say without more info

Depends on the context and the person you are apologising to. With some people if you tried to apologise in person, they may simply have a massive go at you and try and pick a fight.

Maybe the person sending the card was genuinely sorry and embarrassed about it and therefore wanting to diffuse an awkward situation before it arose? Would you feel the same if someone sent you a thank you card instead of just saying thanks? Surely it has a bit more meaning, its so easy to say sorry but to go out and buy a card actually takes some thought. Does depend on the crime though. x

It also depends on what the crime was, what was written and how it was written.

(recently found myself in this position so I may be a bit biased at the moment)

I wouldn't apologise on the phone/in person if I had any doubt that the apologee might not accept my apology, iyswim.

Because it might get heated, and words might be had, and things might be a lot worse.

So a text (or especially a card) is a good start, I would think.

Especially since the kind of person to get upset and not accept an apology by text is also often the type of person to be very easily offended and difficult to appease .

Did they sleep with your sister or forget to buy milk?

Yes, you are being etc

Last person I apologised to I did by Email. I tried to ring twice no answer and her answer phone made unpromising noises.
I decide that a timely apology was needed not one in 3 weeks time.

i'm more of a fan of "present apologies".

sorry i know that's really unhelpful

I agree that phone apologies can go wrong, so card is more thoughtful.

I suppose a text is a start, but I would think that lacked a bit of effort.

Depends if it was extremely serious or just a minor misdemeanor, as there are some crimes for which an apology just isn't enough