To leave a message for DH's plastic vagina?

[Schnullerbacke]

So we're moving soon and I just found the above mentioned in a bag in our shed. I want to leave a message with her, along the lines that at least she cannot talk back (he doesnt like my outspokenness and uncompliance) or 'easier than working on our marriage'. I know that it doesnt substitute for a proper talk between us but I really want to leave a message behind. So, any ideas welcome.
I am so going to close this account down when done

If it's in the shed, it's fair game - like a gnome.

A fleshlight looks like a torch with a vagina attached 'flesh' -'light'

I'd take it out of it's hiding place and have it as a nice centrepice on the table, a candle holder perhaps? Or fashion a uterus and fallopian tubes out of a partially inflated balloon, pipe cleaners and a couple of boiled eggs to complete the set of female sexual organs.

Or perhaps, Summer, he is hideous and the plastic fanny is the only thing that can't say no.

I like that idea Mal.

Or get a doll and have it's head coming out all ketchupy

Oh god have just remembered the 'Shed Thread'

I am absolutely guffawing at the Baby Bjorn suggestion. Does it have a perineum you could tear on it..?

I like glitter plan!He could start a fashion. What about sand, that is a nightmare to get rid of.

Could you get any wittier, Summer?

Shed Thread is very very very funny.

Do you have a hedgehog camera op?

Are you the DH Summer?

Personally I'd check it's been, ahem, cleaned after use before I did anything with it. Surely the shed has no running water?

It would be okay of he used a condom Dooin

He probably didn't want to get it pregnant or catch anything nasty if he shares it around with his mates.

Put it in the dishwasher perhaps to make sure it's clean.

Mal - how you know he hasn't shared it round with this mates?

I though sheds were somewhere blokes liked to potter....have I misinterpreted the meaning of the word "potter"....

Must stop pottering round the shops.....

Ooh I remember the Shed Thread!

What will this be known as - the Minge Whinge? The Cunt Affront?

Sorry, I didn't know I had to declare my sex toys to my partner!? Its none of her business tbh, it's his wank!

I don't think I've ever told my DP where I keep mine and he doesn't ask as it's none of his business.

So would you prefer he looked at porn? Get a grip op and try not to get jealous of a piece of plastic, it's sad.

Let's see, we have wank socks, wank mittens and now wank sheds, whatever next?

Our shed is looking a bit wonky, I assumed it was the wind but now I'll have to go and check that DH really was oiling the lawn mower.

As a male of the species I really can't understand why anyone would have one of those plastic vaginas. The lonely vagina... in a shed.

Perhaps leave a pregnancy test next to it.

Could be worse though here . ( safe at work ) Takes a few seconds to realize what's going on though.

"Or get a doll and have it's head coming out all ketchupy"
I'm literally lolling here!

YAB a bit U.....it's a plastic wank toy just like a vibrator, or could be left over from a stag night. He may like the al fresco feel of the shed

The Cunt Affront - v gd.

He may like the al fresco feel of the shed

That is quite possibly the most fantastic excuse for a plastic shed fanny I have ever seen