To leave a message for DH's plastic vagina?

[Schnullerbacke]

So we're moving soon and I just found the above mentioned in a bag in our shed. I want to leave a message with her, along the lines that at least she cannot talk back (he doesnt like my outspokenness and uncompliance) or 'easier than working on our marriage'. I know that it doesnt substitute for a proper talk between us but I really want to leave a message behind. So, any ideas welcome.
I am so going to close this account down when done

I would leave him to it. I find it odd, however, what is the difference between that and a vibrator apart from one being way less socially acceptable? At least he hasn't got a real woman hidden in the shed

I vote for Hully's suggestion. That's hilarious.

Are you splitting up?
How about "you are and always were, a wanker ".

How about a nice photo of it on his facebook?

Oh hully I do love your way with words, Toblerone's idea is genius but Olderyetwilder has a point too.

Would you rather he had an affair? I'd put it back where you found it and let him get on with it. Perhaps you should try and work on your marital issues too.

What does it have to do with no sorting marital problems. Nearly every woman owns a vibe, does that mean they're avoiding marital problems?

It's called a fleshlight I think.

I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH TODDLERONE!!!

That is the best idea I have ever heard in the history of ever!

munkeychops, the way I see it is that men get most things they want, no holds barred.
We used get to use sex toys with impunity, and cheaper car insurance.
Now we are just left with the sex toys.

To the doubters, I am moving in two weeks, I really dont have the time to make this up.

Vajazzling sounds good but not enough hair on her to give a shiny hairglitter make-over. Maybe put a g-string on for starters. Use Cayenner pepper as rouge?

used to I mean

Put a set of Dracula false teeth in it's vagina cavity

I've known a man to own one. It was a vile thing and he didn't even clean it between uses

Have known someone to have one of the wank sleeves as well without the pretendy vagina bit on the end, apparently makes it feel nicer.

There's no difference between a vibrator and a tupperware twat. It's just that one's an 'inny' and one's an 'outy'.

@ Tiddy - and you get all that from one post? Wow!

Well if you're having marital problems maybe that does put a different spin on things depending on whether you want to have more or not!

Leave a message, then leave the bastard??

Arf at NortherWreck.

Would it fit some big passion killing granny pants?

Crying with laughter at 'tupperware twat'

Arf at dracula teeth.

It's not the fact of a man owning a sex toy, it's the fact of it being hidden in the shed and the fact that his wife didn't know he owned it that's the problem.
A lot of women have sex toys, yes, but their partner's normally know about them and they live in the bedside drawer / lockbox under the bed, not in the frigging shed! It's pretty pathetic.

Or wipe a cut chilli around the inside?

Ach, no forget the vajazzle-it's got to be the teeth!

Pop a merkin on it to keep it warm. Its probably a bit chilly in the shed.

TiggyD It isn't different from a vibrator but it is odd that it is secret. If my DH found a secret vibrator (ie not the ones he bought for me TMI -pass the mind soap) then I think he would also have an issue. As I would have with a secret erm whatever it is...

Tomato ketchup and a tampon

Aargh I have to go to school and so want to stay where it's warm and I can discuss fake fannies!