To leave a message for DH's plastic vagina?

[Schnullerbacke]

So we're moving soon and I just found the above mentioned in a bag in our shed. I want to leave a message with her, along the lines that at least she cannot talk back (he doesnt like my outspokenness and uncompliance) or 'easier than working on our marriage'. I know that it doesnt substitute for a proper talk between us but I really want to leave a message behind. So, any ideas welcome.
I am so going to close this account down when done

Tiggy I'd imagine that most women don't hide their vibrator in a plastic bag in the shed to use as a subsititute for intimacy with their partner.

Methinks there is a backstory somewhere.

art that is genius!!! My vote goes to a tampon with ketchup!

They already do one with fangs Art. It's called a fangbanger, pmsl.

Vibrators/massagers generally do not look like life-like peninses do they
Tupperware vagina is quite gross

Ok, am off for a bit. See what I can find to make her up. Wonder where I put the plastic spiders...

As to the marital problems, I would love to work things out but its a bit difficult when someone is unable to have a proper conversation about existing problems....

Would you rather DH had sex with STD carriers? You appear to dislike you DH so why are you jealous of a piece of plastic? Sad.

Have you noticed him spending a lot of time in the shed schnuller ?

mooncup

I want to see a photo! I have obviously lived a sheltered life!

Probably because one is seen as acceptable whilst the other seen as pathetic?

I like the cilli idea though....

Nobody got my "frigging shed" joke.

"glue lots of hair on it, let it dry and put it back, say nothing"

This literally made me spit tea on my laptop. Please, Please OP = do this suggestion and take a photo

baby born crowning complete with gore

A dose of crabs?

Fill it with itching powder..... Or glitter?

Maybe it's a large petrol driven one and HAS to be kept in the shed?

"Hello, my name is Selina. Only pathetic men love me because I don't answer back and do as I'm told, and neither am I fat. Shame I'm not real you plastic pussy wanker!" - That isn't mocking where he keeps it but that he has one at all.

Moustache and glasses methinks.

And a pipe.

Tiggy - Tupperware Twat! :)

OP- c'mon it is hilarious! The image of him nipping down to the shed on some flimsy pretext and then whipping out the 'Sailor's Friend' surrounded by tins of creosote and the mower has given me the giggles. Is it any worse than a woman having a rampant rabbit?

I suspect having a crafty wank, albeit with his gentleman's aid, isn't the cause of your marital strife.

My rabbit is 'hidden' but not from DH though I've never felt the need to say "Just so you know the rabbit is in the xxxxx" but its hidden from the kids. There's nothing wrong with hiding things, but the shed is a stupid place.

Just seen Ticket to Ride's post! Brilliant!

Vibes and sex toys are pathetic? Just another man hating thread on MN.

Example thread

My DH must have written and left an insulting note next to my vibrater.
What do i do?

Answers

Leave him.
He is pathetic.
The bastard.
Call womens Aid you are a DV victim.

Sigh.

Malificence have googled but cannot find. It just keeps telling me that a fangbanger is a human that likes to have sex with vampires :)

No, the chilli idea is really, REALLY bad. Don't do that - truly.

(er, I remember reading something once about a total bastard doing something similar to his gf's vibrator and it was TERRIBLE. Awful and terrible.)

Know anyone in travel or aviation? Have them take it round the world, photographed in various exotic locations with props, send back postcards - call it "the vagina travelogues"

If it's in the shed, it's fair game - like a gnome.

Does he visit the shed a lot op? Are you sure it wasn't a ridiculous stag thing that he doesn't even bother with?