To leave a message for DH's plastic vagina?

[Schnullerbacke]

So we're moving soon and I just found the above mentioned in a bag in our shed. I want to leave a message with her, along the lines that at least she cannot talk back (he doesnt like my outspokenness and uncompliance) or 'easier than working on our marriage'. I know that it doesnt substitute for a proper talk between us but I really want to leave a message behind. So, any ideas welcome.
I am so going to close this account down when done

Is he still having a 'relationship' with it then? If he's not, he may not find the message.

"Are you sure this wont be a bit of a loose fit for you?"

'I faked all my orgasms'

"Dear John, I'm leaving you for someone with a bigger penis", or "You've turned me into a lesbian".

She's new around the block, never seen her before. Shame I dont have any lube at home, could have prepared a little package for him.

You could be helpful by lubing it with something else; maybe Immac or something?

PMSL, oh, this is HILARIOUS, obviously not for you OP, but thank you for cheering me up!
Yes, yes, leave a message, i like all of the above!

How about a little CV, along the lines of:

Hello, my name is Selina. Only pathetic men love me because I don't answer back and do as I'm told, and neither am I fat. Shame I'm not real you plastic pussy wanker!

Glue lots of hair on it, leave to dry, put back where you found it, say nothing

Is it one of those things that is basically a vibrator for men? Good idea, and all men should leave messages like that on their wives' vibes.

PMSL at Toddlerone. Do it now!

Blimey I think I have led a sheltered life

Vajazzle it

I knwo its lighthearted, but if my DH left a message for my old rabbit a) I wouldn't find it as I can't be bothered with it b) I'd feel he was a bit pathetic to write strongly worded acidic notes and c) I'd just buy a new one and leave a message for him.

Sorry sorry.

Leave a NAICE note, its funnier and will still embarass him if that's your aim. Keep it lighthearted.

Sorry Schnuller, your CV makes you sound jealous of a piece of plastic.

No, she's just a slob of 'meat', with a few curly hairs on and two openings. Non-vibrating.

Me too noddyholder, i had to google to see what it was, so it basically a man vibrator?

Please do vajazzle it

Is this real OP? Not to be sceptical, but I have never in my entire life (and I've been around a bit, oh yes, ahem) encountered any man actually owning a plastic vagina!
Are you sure it wasn't a gift from a stag night or something??

I agree.....keep it lighthearted, that way he can't accuse you of being jealous, or unreasonable....he'll be so embarrassed he'll be desperate for anything he can throw back at you, so an amusing little snippet will do the trick nicely.

What about: I may just be a cunt, but at least I'm not pretending.

If it is true, I also vote for vajazzle!

I'm not jealous of her, just a bit miffed that he'd rather go down that avenue instead of sorting our marital problems. Agree, it needs to be something funny.

Do what toddlerone suggested :o

You sound bitter and juvenile and sexist. He'll be better off without you.

No-one could leave a message with my Rabbit. Bad Bob doesn't take messages.

Vajazzling would be genius. Get creative with the sequins.