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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.....to be upset and pissed off with DH's reaction over sexy dress up

290 replies

homealone1 · 31/12/2011 21:18

So.....pre kids we were at it like rabbits, lots of role play, lots of dress up.

3 kids in 5 years later and it's all about poo and sleep habits.

I thought...we're staying in new year's eve so wht not make the most of it. I put all the kids to bed and came down for dinner in a school girl's outfit, fishnets and heels.....and he just laughed! I didn't feel sexy - just felt like an idiot.

We had a row over dinner about something else but no doubt triggered by how I felt about his reaction.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ToothbrushThief · 01/01/2012 15:15

homealone1 - I can only imagine this thread has made things worse.

I'm really sorry to read your last post and suspect that your reaction has a lot to do with that. Take time to try and understand your feelings over that. I hope you can talk it over with your husband

As for the schoolgirl outfit - it's not for me at all. It does not make me boring or jealous. It's just not for me. I personally dislike the schoolgirl fantasy because obviously some men do take it in the 'wrong' way. I'm sure for the vast majority it is about being a teenager again. Whatever you do, is between you two and you know what it is about, so don't let that separate argument deflect from the real issue here.

SuePurblybilt · 01/01/2012 15:16

I am a Saddlo, it's true. I should spend more time looking for Horny Sparks With Menz. I should do this with the power of acrylic and the force of Ann Summers.

Or maybe I should avoid relationships tips from Take a Break. Who can tell?

Rowood · 01/01/2012 15:35

Maybe he's better off wanking over it on porn when your out at knitting club- so dont bother ha Wink

SuePurblybilt · 01/01/2012 15:42

Perhaps that made sense in your head?

Birdsgottafly · 01/01/2012 15:44

Tapdancing- if you don't remember the uproar you must have been in outer Mongolis, it was covered eveverywhere about whether it encouraged underage sex or DV.

OP you should have set the scene a bit differently, it was probably too much of a shock. Lickable body paint etc, something less 'graphic' (completely ignores sexualising underage girls).

Birdsgottafly · 01/01/2012 15:45

'Mongolia' of course,

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/01/2012 15:46

Urghhh @ Rowood, every post on this thread really, bleurghh. Call people whatever you like if you feel it bolsters your position better. I'm very happy to be considered boring by your 'standards'.

Birdsgottafly · 01/01/2012 15:48

None of us now each other, so why the need for presumptions about sexual prowness? Very childish.

Zombi · 01/01/2012 15:50

YABU

Maybe the shock of you surprising him with dress-up after all this time made him laugh in the nervous way. He might feel a bit out of practice with role play and was nervous that he'd not be able to breeze back into it. That's the risk we take when we surprise people I guess!

Have a chat with him about how you feel about your sex life and get him to work with you to come up with things to do.

valiumredhead · 01/01/2012 15:59

No uproar about Brittney? Do you live on the moon? Grin

Rowood · 01/01/2012 16:00

I bet you hate porn and wear fluffy stained pjs. You go for it lol!

SuePurblybilt · 01/01/2012 16:06

You're right, I do hate porn. I'm not sure what that has to do with anything.

Go for what lol, exactly? You need to make sense be more specific.

PosieParker · 01/01/2012 16:09

Find a fantasy that you can both join in, FWIW your dh is a knob to laugh at you. Sexy school girl wouldn't be my bagm but obviously was yours before kids. If I came downstairs in sexy outfit at any time my DH would be delighted that I made the effort and receive the 'I want sex' message loud and clear.

Regarding your TOP get some counselling, regardless of it being your decision there is sometimes grieving and talking to be done.

HollyGhost · 01/01/2012 16:30

Of course he laughed, you must have looked ridiculous.

Aside from the vileness of dressing up as a child to titilate your partner - it also draws attention to how much older and saggier you actually look. I don't know anyone over 20 who could carry it off.

Let's face it, if he dressed up as a schoolboy or girl, you would probably have been laughing too.

You need to find another way to reconnect.

WheresMeJumper · 01/01/2012 16:32

Oh Rowood run along dear and have a lie down before you hurt yourself....

Warlock · 01/01/2012 16:36

HollyGhost

That is just cruel and nasty. She may have looked really really good and it doesn`t really matter anyway if it works for them.

WheresMeJumper · 01/01/2012 16:38

I dont agree with the dressing up in that outfit but HOLLYGHOST thats uncalled for.

HollyGhost · 01/01/2012 16:39

He is into schoolgirl porn

she will not look at what he has a habitual taste to getting off on

it is not cruel and nasty to point out the obvious

HollyGhost · 01/01/2012 16:40

that should have said: she will not look like the young girls he is used to

WheresMeJumper · 01/01/2012 16:41

No but its cruel and nasty to comment on someones appearance when clearly the OP is in a vulnerable state. Please read the thread.

Warlock · 01/01/2012 16:41

She chose the outfit and how do you know that he is into kiddie porn ??

HollyGhost · 01/01/2012 16:47

I never said "kiddie porn"

The OP wrote:

As for DH growing out of the schoolgirl fetish...I think not judging by his taste in porn

Original poster
homealone1 · 01/01/2012 16:51

Aside from the vileness of dressing up as a child to titilate your partner - it also draws attention to how much older and saggier you actually look. I don't know anyone over 20 who could carry it off.

I am exactly the same size as when I was 18 year old which is....a size 6-8.

I must confess I must be a bit MN naive as I didn't think this thread would turn into a debate about the rights and wrongs of dressing up as a schoolgirl. The theme is completely irrelevant to the principle as I know DH is into it ( as am I)

We did eventually kiss and make up and all the rest(sans outfit)but I haven't yet spoken about how he made me feel (I intend to though)

As for the termination, I have had counselling and very aware of the grief that is going on. ( as well as talking to DH at length about it and he is very supportive)

I guess one of the things I was trying to achieve was to "make the most" of the decision as I am no longer sick and exhausted. It's a similar feeling to wanting to go out and look into summer holidays in the knowledge I won't have newborn attached to me.

OP posts:
PosieParker · 01/01/2012 16:56

I can't believe anyoine thought it was a good idea to talk about the merits of dressing up in that outfit and would think just dealing with the OP's DH should have been the focus.

Unless the OP's DH objected upon the reduction of women to pubescent girls.

Birdsgottafly · 01/01/2012 17:09

Posie- posters on MN are not trained counsellors so they will go off track and try to tell the OP how she should conduct her life in other areas.

Either way the situation has been clarified for the OP and she has gained a bit of persepective.

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