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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of people saying 'well, it's alright for you...'

283 replies

itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:43

DH and I are very fortunate to be in good jobs, and we are the first to admit this.

However, DH and I were over at a friends house when the topic of money came up. Basically, we were told that our opinion wasn't really valid (a chat about being frugal) because of the amount we earn. "oh, it's alright for you being on that wage".

If it's SO easy; you do it then. I work incredibly hard for my wage; so does DH. We don't broadcast our earnings, but we are fortunate enough to live a nice lifestyle. It feels like other people look at me and think I have it easy; like I do bugger all and somehow a pay cheque rocks up in my account every month Hmm.

We get this attitude fairly frequently from these people ('oh, it's not a lot of money for you I suppose', 'not with what you earn') and it embarrasses and frustrates me. AIBU, or should I think up a decent comeback?

OP posts:
Kellogg · 30/12/2011 19:47

You probably do have it easy compared to other people tbh.

As you say you are fortunate to have a good wage, others are not

thisisyesterday · 30/12/2011 19:47

i suspect that rather than thinking that you do bugger all or "have it easy" they feel that actually you don't really have any idea what it's like trying to live on very little money and having to budget for every single thing you do

tethersend · 30/12/2011 19:47

Well, it's alright for you...

LuluJ · 30/12/2011 19:48

Why bother being friends with them? Who needs friends like that?

Oblomov · 30/12/2011 19:49

Maybe you don't appreciate your salary, or how comparative it is. I have a friend like this. she is on roughly 150k and her husband is on 200k. That is alot to us. Most of the people we know husbands are on 25-75k and wives work part-time, so 5-30k.
No one is disputing how hard you have worked to get to your position. But you can't comapre 350k with 55k. thats offensive.

Scoundrel · 30/12/2011 19:49

Do you own one of those houses on the mumsnet houseswap?

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:49

We have only just started earning this wage after years of struggling. But our struggling isn't good enough.

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 30/12/2011 19:50

Um... but it IS alright for you. As you say yourself... so....

Yeah.

BarfAndHeave · 30/12/2011 19:50

There's a lot of people out there who work very, very hard for not much. If you don't have to worry too much about money, be grateful that you can join in frugal living conversations without having to put them into practice just to scrape by.

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:50

I do not earn anything like 150k btw and we don't try to compare situations!

OP posts:
Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:50

scoundrel what's that?

OP posts:
Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:51

And it's alright for us as in we earn a decent wage; we don't live hand to mouth.

OP posts:
EuphemiaAtHogmanay · 30/12/2011 19:52

People's lack of imagination always makes them think other people "have it easy" because they earn a lot/work in an office/are a teacher/blah blah blah.

If they bug you enough, dump them.

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:52

What irritates me is that we don't bring it up; the comments are made to us as if we can't have an opinion on anything money related.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 30/12/2011 19:52

It does sound alright for you though...

Tee2072 · 30/12/2011 19:53

But it is alright for you. Just like it's alright for others.

nailak · 30/12/2011 19:54

Your implication is that those earning less haven't stuggler to get their jobs or careers and don't work as hard as you.

herbietea · 30/12/2011 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:54

So because I'm doing ok, I'm not allowed an opinion? And people are allowed to make personal comments?

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 30/12/2011 19:54

Great for you that your hard work is paying off, just at the mo I think with all the financial hardships around anyone who is earning can be a target for jealousy/resentment.

You can earn loads but still appreciate the struggles of others however & if you yourself have struggled you are entitled to an opinion, surely, in a financial discussion.

YANBU but maybe avoid financial topics with these "friends" , they're only jealous!

ReduceRecycleRegift · 30/12/2011 19:54

"..and we are the first to admit this"

"What irritates me is that we don't bring it up"

you obviously DO make it known then, and then get into conversations about frugal living.

thepeoplesprincess · 30/12/2011 19:54

I think it's pretty offensive to equate money out=work in.

I'm sure the poor sods wiping your grandparents' backsides for min. wage work at least as hard as you do.

Marshy · 30/12/2011 19:55

Many people may work as hard as you but not earn as much, so in that respect you are fortunate and you ABU. Better to cultivate a way of dealing with these conversations gracefully - you have nothing to be ashamed of, but must accept that others may be a little envoius of your perceived advantages

rootietootie · 30/12/2011 19:55

I would have took "well its alright for you" to mean that as your earn more you don't have to worry about being frugal, nothing to do with how hard you work for your money. What do you expect them to say tbh?

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:55

I never suggested I wasn't fortunate. I never said that.

OP posts: