To be sick of people saying 'well, it's alright for you...'

[itsbrandybutterandtinseltime]

DH and I are very fortunate to be in good jobs, and we are the first to admit this.

However, DH and I were over at a friends house when the topic of money came up. Basically, we were told that our opinion wasn't really valid (a chat about being frugal) because of the amount we earn. "oh, it's alright for you being on that wage".

If it's SO easy; you do it then. I work incredibly hard for my wage; so does DH. We don't broadcast our earnings, but we are fortunate enough to live a nice lifestyle. It feels like other people look at me and think I have it easy; like I do bugger all and somehow a pay cheque rocks up in my account every month .

We get this attitude fairly frequently from these people ('oh, it's not a lot of money for you I suppose', 'not with what you earn') and it embarrasses and frustrates me. AIBU, or should I think up a decent comeback?

I would take anyone's opinion and listen to tips. Some of the wealthiest people I know are really frugal and can teach me some money saving tips. How do they know your exact salary? They shouldn't really be commenting anyway as they surely can't have exact details of your incomings and outgoings...one person may have a large mortgage and fancy cars but be struggling to pay for it, where someone else may have a less expensive lifestyle and have more disposable income.

If you don't broadcast your wage - how the hell do people know what you earn? Are you buying lots of stuff all the time or acting fancy? :)

No reduce. We don't make it known. Her DH only knows how much we earn because he works in the same place as us. I don't go flashing mr bank statements, oddly enough.

my

"So because I'm doing ok, I'm not allowed an opinion? And people are allowed to make personal comments?"

Don't worry, rolling around in your millions of pounds will take the edge off the hurt feelings

By the way, NO and mean NONE , Envy here. I am not envious at all. I am not jealous or envious. I am happy with my husbands wage and mine, and our work-life balance.
so, please don't make out that it is jealously that makes some people find the Op difficult, because thats not always the case.

tethers I don't earn millions.

Why the comments then??? Why embarrass us?

Oh dear, thats horrible... he should stfu about that its really unprofessional. I'd be tempted to tell HR about that. No - I just wondered if you were always buying and talking about how much everything costs.

I'm frugal as anything and am confident I could teach most people something about money-saving no matter how rich or poor they were. So don't let them talk down to you in that sense.

Why embarrass you?

Some people are just c*. You know that :)

It is very vulgar of them to talk like that. Unpleasant topic of conversation- money, what people can afford, how you deal with it. It should be a private and uninteresting subject. I would probably change the subject immediately, after feeling a bit to myself.
As if you can't have an opinion on things because you're rich! It's stupid. Like anyone stuck at any socioeconomic level has no experience of any other and no wish to see it any other way. Just ignore them.

not jealous either, took a big pay cut to have a better work life balance here too.

OP it really depends on what you say and how you say it. Some people really have no clue what living on an enforced tight budget is like and say some ridiculous things about how it should be done just because they managed to only spend X on groceries for 6 weeks when saving up for a holiday or something

You do realise that the implication you give in your opening post is that your friends don't work hard, and that you deserve your earnings more than they do? That may not be your intention, but it might be that is what your friends hear too. Personally I don't think you need a come back, but you do need a way to steer conversations away from money, because if it is embarrassing and frustrating for you how much worse must your less fortunate friends feel?

In the past dh and I earned significantly more than dh's ILs. We don't talk about money because I think it would be very insensitive. It is hard if that's where your friends naturally go, but then it could be because money is on their minds because there isn't enough of it (one of the best thing about having enough money is not having to think about it all the time IMO - I have found it very very hard to adjust to having to count the pennies again).

I can empathise OP.

When DS was a wee one in the infants and DH was working 15 hour days 6 days a week and was never there for performances, parents evenings, pta stuff, etc., and used to go to footie on a Saturday, there were plenty of people who said "I wouldn't put up with that", "my dh wouldn't do that", "our marriage is equal". The same people made snidey comments when I got a part-time time job back on the bottom rung "they wouldn't do that", "what was the point, etc.," "didn't I find it a bit demeaning". When we pulled DH out of the school to go independent, exactly the same people "didn't believe in that sort of elitism" and the same ones got arsy over similar things with dd.

Know what, I started at the bottom took professional quals and now pull down a good middle management salary eight years on or so. At 50 I have a professional future ahead of me as my teenage children spread their wings to fly. I also work with people in their 20's, people of all races and cultures and have a much broader outlook than the gainsayers.

We still live in the same house, we still drive modest cars, we still spend relatively modestly. DH now pulls down money that hasn't even been breathed on this thread - you know what - it's because we did the hard yards.

I guess because people are human, they're tired of struggling, and however well-intentioned your comments, sometimes it's hard to assume the best if you're feeling pissed off. Not your fault, but something I think you just have to take on the chin. You are lucky - really bloody lucky - and this is one of the things that you should just accept, I think.

We are by NO means rich btw, not at all. It's a good wage, no where near 100k as has been suggested. And it is fairly recent. We have scraped by on bigger all before, not trying to compete with people on disability benefits etc.

OP, You asked for a good response to the people who think 'It's alright for you.'

I have one. I copied and pasted from somewhere else.

If it's SO easy; you do it then. I work incredibly hard for my wage; so does DH. We don't broadcast our earnings, but we are fortunate enough to live a nice lifestyle. It feels like other people look at me and think I have it easy; like I do bugger all and somehow a pay cheque rocks up in my account every month

I think that is a reasonable response to people who believe you are not deserving of an opinion on frugality because of your lifestyle.

The only bit I can take offence with is the hard work bit -as someone else said above, hard work does not always equal high earnings. So it's a bit rude to have the attitude of, if you want the money, just work as hard as us!
I work very hard, but my pay is just average.
And it's not really realistic to say well change jobs then to people who do not have time/money/qualifications to do so.

married, that last sentence is exactly what pisses people off. If someone has, say, three jobs, cleaner, dishwasher, bartender, they are Most Certainly doing the "hard yards" together with pretty much fuck all job satisfaction. But their salaries won't have been "breathed" on this thread either, because as yet we haven't talk about how much three pittances add up to.

I work hard , I pull down shit money though

littlemiss, that's an incredibly patronising response. people who also work hard for a really long time do get paid fuck all.

Both DP and I earn v good wages. None of our friends would ever say anything like 'it's alright for you'; this may be because we don't allude to our income because it's vulgar and extremely boring to do so.

usual I never suggested I was particularly skilled. I am not a uni graduate; just lucky. Right place, right time I guess.

esp now, Caz, when there are hardly any jobs to change to, and people are just hanging on to the ones they have,.

Habbibu - but the same people who criticised were the ones who expected their partners home at 5.45 to help with bath time, the same ones who thought my bottom rung job was beneath them. I never ever said in the playground or to anyone else that we worked harder than anyone else. I did, however, support my dh in a way that gets criticised very hard and very fast on here.