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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of people saying 'well, it's alright for you...'

283 replies

itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:43

DH and I are very fortunate to be in good jobs, and we are the first to admit this.

However, DH and I were over at a friends house when the topic of money came up. Basically, we were told that our opinion wasn't really valid (a chat about being frugal) because of the amount we earn. "oh, it's alright for you being on that wage".

If it's SO easy; you do it then. I work incredibly hard for my wage; so does DH. We don't broadcast our earnings, but we are fortunate enough to live a nice lifestyle. It feels like other people look at me and think I have it easy; like I do bugger all and somehow a pay cheque rocks up in my account every month Hmm.

We get this attitude fairly frequently from these people ('oh, it's not a lot of money for you I suppose', 'not with what you earn') and it embarrasses and frustrates me. AIBU, or should I think up a decent comeback?

OP posts:
Pantofino · 31/12/2011 19:31

The comment the op's friend made was about fully using up food. Noone - no matter how rich they are - should be wasting food. Food is fecking expensive these days. We earn more than many I know...I would be making curry from left over turkey too. We spent Xmas with my dsis whose family income is probably double mine - and we had several meals made from left overs. And it was lovely.

Pantofino · 31/12/2011 19:42

Oh god - sorry that sounded a bit ......But that was how we were brought up. You are grateful for what you have and it is sacrilege to throw good food in the bin......

NotaDisneyMum · 31/12/2011 20:18

Hang on a minute - are freecycling, charity shops, short date bargains and other frugal measures only available to people who pass some sort of means-test? Are higher-than-average earners screened out of eBay freelisting weekends? Wink

When I was married, my exH and I brought home, between us, a very reasonable household income. Despite that, I still shopped for bargains, made best use of what we had and ensured utilities/food/fuel etc was used economically.
Is it possible that I could have had something useful to contribute to a conversation about frugality or should I have been excluded purely because in the opinion of lower earning friends, I didn't need to be frugal?

As it happened, our household debt was out of control and there was less than no disposable income available every month. I think it is very bad manners to assume someone whose household income is higher has made good choices and therefore don't understand the fears of lower income homes Sad

Kellogg · 31/12/2011 20:30

Of course you have something to add to the debate, however you tactfully choose who you share that information with. I am trying hard to budget better this year do that my dd can afford more riding lessons and we can have private fertility treatment if we can't conceive this year. However I am not going to share my budgeting tips with someone who is just trying to pay he bills.

It is comparable to someone sharing gleefully with me that they were expecting as I was recovering from yet another miscarriage. I smiled and congratulated her, but inside I was dying

cumbria81 · 31/12/2011 20:32

I earn 18k a year and am always being told "it's alright for you" by my friend who is on benefits. It pisses me off because I go out to work for 40 hours a week and he just sits on his arse claiming the dole. So YANBU.

OneLieIn · 31/12/2011 20:35

Op, I am with you. Big house, well paid job but fck do I worry about spending money and about keeping my job. I eBay everything, I go to charity shops, I throw nothing away (not quite the standard of that bloke on channel 4 the other day), leftovers and soups are my speciality. So I think IMHO that you can be frugal as well as being seen as being "well off".

newmum953 · 31/12/2011 21:05

I have friends who are wealthier than me in the monetary sense but I would never dream of having conversations with them about how they never have to worry (I know that they have other stuff in their lives and it's not all perfect). It's impolite. How would they know what your salary and your husbands salary is anyway?

Moominsarescary · 31/12/2011 21:08

kellogg that's awful, I lost my son in September at 20 weeks and have been pretty gobsmacked at the comments I've had ( no gleeful sharing of pregnancy yet though)

I hope you manage to conceive this year, good luck to you and sorry for your losses x

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