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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of people saying 'well, it's alright for you...'

283 replies

itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:43

DH and I are very fortunate to be in good jobs, and we are the first to admit this.

However, DH and I were over at a friends house when the topic of money came up. Basically, we were told that our opinion wasn't really valid (a chat about being frugal) because of the amount we earn. "oh, it's alright for you being on that wage".

If it's SO easy; you do it then. I work incredibly hard for my wage; so does DH. We don't broadcast our earnings, but we are fortunate enough to live a nice lifestyle. It feels like other people look at me and think I have it easy; like I do bugger all and somehow a pay cheque rocks up in my account every month Hmm.

We get this attitude fairly frequently from these people ('oh, it's not a lot of money for you I suppose', 'not with what you earn') and it embarrasses and frustrates me. AIBU, or should I think up a decent comeback?

OP posts:
ReindeerBollocks · 30/12/2011 20:56

We have very wealthy friends and very poor friends. We treat them equally and they us.

Personally I wouldn't be friends with a person who could make the comment like in the OP - however I don't rub our wage in our lower earning friends faces - and our wealthier friends aren't overly flash in front of us. We are equally appreciative of how the other lives. For example, at the moment I am a carer for my son - my very wealthy friend said she couldn't do what I do as it is extremely hard work. Point is we all don't base it on wealth = work put in.

If your friends are struggling financially and are having a conversation on the merits of being frugal - keep quiet or sympathise. Don't compare to a time when you were on a lower wage - that's insulting.

I'm not saying you are like this OP but friendship is normally a two way thing. You said in your OP that you have received a few of these comments which would lead me to believe that you are not as secretive about your wealth as you think you are.

cerealqueen · 30/12/2011 20:57

I've not much sympathy if this is what is bugging you right now, in the grand scheme of things, it's way down there.

Anything else on your mind OP?

tethersend · 30/12/2011 20:57

"If it's SO easy; you do it then. I work incredibly hard for my wage; so does DH."

Sorry, but that does imply that others simply don't work as hard.

habbibu · 30/12/2011 20:58

How on earth can you read "bitter" into that? I bloody love my life - it's ace, and I would genuinely not swap with anyone in the world. Is it so bizarre to accept that not everyone feels like that?

ReindeerBollocks · 30/12/2011 20:58

Oh and like Oblomov - I am genuinely happy when my wealthier friends get bonuses or like one - win the lottery. Just because they earn more than me doesn't mean I can't be happy when something goes well for them - they are my friends after all.

MyCatHasStaff · 30/12/2011 20:59

The thing that bugs me is the casual way these comments are made. Your turkey and hers probably cost the same per pound, but are you supposed to throw your leftovers away because you could afford to? You're right, turkeys were ridiculously priced this year, whatever your financial status, so she was BU to make it about income. If you had said, mmm nice curry, I'm throwing my organic leftovers away because I've got loads of money then ywbu.

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 20:59

oi yes I know. My mum used to work in a Toshiba factory on nights and earned minimum wage even though she worked her fingers to the bone. I don't sit on my arse all day and drink tea though either. I ( try to ) help other people and my pay reflects what I do. It is by no means a princely sum; but because my DH is also on a similar wage; it adds up so we are doing alright.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 30/12/2011 20:59

I had a teeny tiny chicken for xmas dinner , I was ever so grateful

tethersend · 30/12/2011 21:00

"tethersend - "It's a bit much to have more than other people and get pissed off that they're not pleased for you. Christ"

yes, I'm sorry but you sound completely bitter aswell."

I'll live with people thinking I'm bitter- because I'm doing ok financially. I really don't expect anyone to be 'pleased' for me- in fact, it seems a little odd to expect it. Isn't being financially ok enough? Or do people really need the best wishes of those less fortunate as well? Seems a little greedy to me Wink

habbibu · 30/12/2011 21:00

yy, I am genuinely happy for other people, but that is pretty easy when you have a nice life and no other stresses. I have to say that when I lost a baby I found it bloody difficult to be pleased when I got birth/pregnancy announcements. I was definitely bitter then.

tethersend · 30/12/2011 21:00

I had two chickens, usual; you BETTER be happy for me.

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 21:01

cerealqueen no one asked you to comment on the thread.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 30/12/2011 21:02

I'm really happy for you tethers , you could have sent me your left overs

RealiTreeCoveredInTinsel · 30/12/2011 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

habbibu · 30/12/2011 21:04

Hmm. I was just about to say that cerealqueen's comment was the kind of thing that annoys me, but maybe it's not so different. But still, not worth getting too upset over. I guess the point is that yes, it's annoying, but not worth getting worked up over.

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 21:04

Grin reality

OP posts:
habbibu · 30/12/2011 21:05

What kind of fire have you got, Reality? a bloody smelter? Is that the latest "in thing"?

tethersend · 30/12/2011 21:05

Now, now, usual, don't be bitter...

I've still got some knocking around at the back of the fridge, i'll send you a sandwich. As long as you're grateful. And insured.

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 21:05

Sure, but if you look at this thread and think 'whatever, I couldn't give two shits' you really don't have to waste your time commenting.

OP posts:
goldbow · 30/12/2011 21:06

TBH I don't suppose you are just incredibly lucky but work bloody hard and have done to get where you are. Smile Are your friends sayong it in a matter of fact way or a sour grapes smell shit way?

usualsuspect · 30/12/2011 21:06

I'd rather have some of Realitys goose tbh

habbibu · 30/12/2011 21:07

Well, yes. I'm with you there. Same reason i hate the damn biscuit.

Goodness, I am bitter,aren't I? It's all coming out now.

Original poster
itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 21:08

gold no, obviously I didn't get offered a promotion for doing sod all and turning up drunk, but I think with anything there's a fair dollop of 'right place, right time' no matter how hard you work.

OP posts:
ReindeerBollocks · 30/12/2011 21:09

I had dinner at someone else house - saved me a small fortune!

Tip for all - frugal or not Wink

Oblomov · 30/12/2011 21:09

Habbibu, thats not fair. my woes are petty compared to some. I was on the 2011 thread and saw some people who had lost husbands, daughters to lukaemia. That puts my shit diabetes, loss of driving licence and autistic son into perpsective, right. so what you are saying is not fair.