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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not see the point in getting married...

240 replies

TongueTwister · 29/12/2011 20:27

Can you convince me? Been with oh 5 years, fully intend to stick with him. We have a gorgeous 2 year old and hoping for another this year. Anyone got any good reasons to get married?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 29/12/2011 20:28

Other than ensuring you get half his pension no.

To me it's just a peice of paper.

rubyrubyruby · 29/12/2011 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeriyakiWoo · 29/12/2011 20:30

Why do you need to be convinced? If you're happy the way you are then why get married or are you being pressured by family/friends?

tooearlymustdache · 29/12/2011 20:31

you get a party and a new dress?

everydayisabluesday · 29/12/2011 20:31

Assuming you are not religious then as far as I can see, it only makes a difference if you are rich, and have inheritance tax issues.

So unless this is the case, as long as you both have made wills, then it is a pointless exercise.

And why anyone would want to spend half a years income on one day is beyond me.

BastedTurkey · 29/12/2011 20:31

There's another thread in AIBU where I have been preaching about the importance of being married - not from a religious or old fashioned pov but from a feminist protecting yourself and your DCs pov, I shall go find it for you.

JustHecate · 29/12/2011 20:31

because you want to
because it offers certain protections in the event of death that you don't get otherwise (or at least not without making other legal arrangements)

so if you don't want to, and you make the necessary legal arrangements in another way and you accept that there are certain things you wouldn't get - eg as fabby says, pension. and I think there's a widows payment is there?, then there really is no reason.

I would say that if you need convincing, then it isn't the right thing for you. If it was the right thing for you, then you simply wouldn't be able to think of one reason why not. iyswim.

Original poster
TongueTwister · 29/12/2011 20:32

To me it is just a piece of paper and legal benefits too. I think maybe one day I'll be excited at the prospect. Just hate the idea of a wedding... Like to keep out of the limelight.

OP posts:
JustHecate · 29/12/2011 20:32

half a year's income?

I got married on less than £500. that was clothes, meal, and registry office fee.

Original poster
TongueTwister · 29/12/2011 20:32

Plus I like my surname!

OP posts:
SantasCave · 29/12/2011 20:33

There is no such thing as "common in law" husband/wife, so if you're not married you will need to take legal steps to ensure that your partner is protected in the event of your death.

You can easily get married for a few hundred quid, it doesn't have to cost a fortune.

JustHecate · 29/12/2011 20:33

If you want to be married but don't want a wedding, then go down to the registry office with two mates. job done.

But it has to be something you want to do, not something you need to be convinced to do.

squeakytoy · 29/12/2011 20:34

Call me old fashioned, but I still believe in getting married and then having kids... Grin

JustHecate · 29/12/2011 20:34

x-post Grin and there's no law that says you have to change your surname.

rubyrubyruby · 29/12/2011 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TongueTwister · 29/12/2011 20:34

Maybe I need to look into the legal side more. How does it work if I have more assets than oh ? If he left me, could he take it?

OP posts:
JustHecate · 29/12/2011 20:35

I was just replying to everyday, who asked why someone would spend half a year's income on one day. I was pointing out that you don't have to Grin

BastedTurkey · 29/12/2011 20:35

here

So so much more than just a piece of paper, you can get some of the legal benefits by spending a small sum at a solicitors, but there are some benefits that you cannot confer without being married

PercyFilth · 29/12/2011 20:35

No one has to have a "wedding" - you can just do the formalities at the register office, no need to tell anyone even.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 29/12/2011 20:35

I think it's something which is a very personal choice. i don't feel there is a right or wrong choice.

My brother has no intention of getting married.
My cousin has no intention of getting married.

I got married at 18 and we're still together. (I'm 30)

I think it makes your commitment to each other more solid somehow. My vows were important to me, and I meant every word I said. I love him more now than I did when we married.

And I think if you're married you're much more likely to work out problems and work at your relationship - because separating from your married partner isn't as easy as splitting from just a partner. Which in turn makes you stronger as a person and as a couple.

Personally I think it sets a good role model for children too. But that doesn't mean I think I'm better than un-married couples - I don't.

Are you both happy unmarried?

scarletforya · 29/12/2011 20:36

What protections does it really give you though?

joanofarchitrave · 29/12/2011 20:36

Because every LTR has numerous moments where you want to walk away (IME) and not wanting to divorce is one more reason to keep you there until you feel differently again.

That's my honest reason for marrying. I'd understand if others didn't find it too appealing...

rubyrubyruby · 29/12/2011 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 29/12/2011 20:37

Un married men have literally no rights over their children if the family splits too.

Original poster
TongueTwister · 29/12/2011 20:38

We are happily unmarried, although he mentions it sometimes. I like my independence.

OP posts:
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