Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

To not see the point in getting married...

240 replies

TongueTwister · 29/12/2011 20:27

Can you convince me? Been with oh 5 years, fully intend to stick with him. We have a gorgeous 2 year old and hoping for another this year. Anyone got any good reasons to get married?

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 29/12/2011 21:51

I think that you are perfectly OK not being married as long as all goes smoothly, but life has a way of throwing the unexpected at you-sometimes in tragic ways and that is when it really matters. If you don't want to get married you should at least see a solicitor and get everything covered-especially if you have DCs. Bear in mind that DP could be lying on a life support machine and unable to have any say.

Zombi · 29/12/2011 21:53

There are an awful lot of ''pieces of paper'' you have to sign if you want the same rights as those who are married and only need THAT piece of paper. Either way, you need the paper!

Therefore I can inly conclude that those who sort the legalities out in every way (making wills etc) at a much higher cost than simply getting married are only doing so because they have problems with the idea of being married to their man. Or maybe their man just won't marry them and the piece of paper thing makes them feel better.

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 29/12/2011 21:56

BoysBoysBoys "Un married men have literally no rights over their children if the family splits too."
What a load of old baloney.

Original poster

TongueTwister · 29/12/2011 22:02

I'll organise to see a solicitor, thanks everyone.

OP posts:

kickassangel · 29/12/2011 22:08

I'm not up to date with all the legalities, but there's quite a lot of legal things that need sorting out if you don't. It matters even more if you go abroad.

Things like next of kin, inheritance, tax, rights & finances if you split up etc etc

Even having a will doesn't cover all of that. It probably is cheaper to just go to a registry office than to pay a solicitor. You can always just nip in one lunch time, no need to have a big wedding.

We moved to the US 3 years ago & have had to make sure we have wills (even though married) & other paperwork to protect ourselves/each other.

Currently, if your dp died, ANY member of his family could claim all his property, which could then mean a lengthy legal battle, followed by paying 40% inheritance tax on anything that you did get. If you were married you would automatically get his 'estate' and not have to pay tax. That's quite a significant difference, at a time when you'd be dealing with grief & being a single parent. Do you want to be in that situation, or put him in that situation?

If one of you has far more assets than the other, then you can draw up a will which indicates how things should be split upon death. Pre-nups aren't legally binding, but are often used as a 'guideline' should the couple split.

YuleingFanjo · 29/12/2011 22:09

just do it in a register office and keep your surname? bingo! or don't do it at all.

AlbertoFrog · 29/12/2011 22:14

I wanted to be married and not be just another 'bidey-in'. Now that DS is here I thank God that we are married as I'm pretty sure one of us would have walked by now after a year of hardly any sleep. Marriage makes us work harder at staying together. Or maybe we just can't be arsed with the hassle of divorce.

everydayisabluesday · 29/12/2011 22:17

Not being married has its advantages as well:)

Being able to walk away was much easier than most of my friends' messy divorces and endless bickering.

If you have DC and you are not married, the children will inherit any assets if there is no will, usually any home can be lived in and used for the children's benefit.

SantasCave · 29/12/2011 22:25

I don't believe that the children WILL automatically inherit everything. There is no such thing in law as "next of kin" so Parents and siblings are entitled to make a claim against an estate and as others have said, if you have a strained relationship with your partner's family (as many people do) you could find yourself in a very tricky situation.

Zombi · 29/12/2011 22:27

everydayisabluesday And the kids can legally kick their Dad out when they hit 16 if they have a fight with him. Or ask him to leave so they can sell it?!

exoticfruits · 29/12/2011 22:27

I wouldn't be too sure everydayisbluesday-have you really sat down with a solicitor and checked it all. My solicitor said that she is responsible for 7 couples deciding to get married. You don't need much money, pop into a registry office and get 2 witnesses off the street.
It may not be a case of walking away, everydayisblesday-it might be your DP being on a life support machine in a foreign country with his family closing ranks against you.
My guess is that you are making that statement without having studied it.

exoticfruits · 29/12/2011 22:28

If you are not married make sure his family love you! Also don't take inheritance for granted.

exoticfruits · 29/12/2011 22:30

I really think that people make these glib assumptions and they haven't a clue of what might happen if things go wrong.

Sunshine401 · 29/12/2011 22:37

Do u live in the Uk?

If so after 5 years and with kids you are classed as a Co-Habitin family
Therefore if either you or your DP dies . :( The other person will be legally entitled to everything Money wise in that family :) Of course unless there is a will saying otherwise :)

Sunshine401 · 29/12/2011 22:39

Only reason i know that by the way, Had the same probs when DD1 was born :)
so got some legal advice :) Uk
So any other country Dunno

SantasCave · 29/12/2011 22:42

Sunshine, that is not true. Co-habiting couples do not have any legal rights over their partners assets unless specifically set out in a legal agreement.

You are only entitled to those things already in your name, so if your house is only in your partners name and he/she dies you have no rights whatsoever over the house.

SantasCave · 29/12/2011 22:46

This website gives a better overview of the facts.

BastedTurkey · 29/12/2011 22:46

Sunshine I think that you are wrong - the link that Olgaga posted further up states that there is no such thing as common-law spouse - it is something that a lot of people believe in but has no basis in law

Sunshine401 · 29/12/2011 22:46

O dunno :)

Just what i got told but hey yet again all mine and Dp's things are in a joint name. House , bank accounts ect ...
Saying that though both our life policy's read next of kin but again got told that was our Children or if under 18 carer of children.

BastedTurkey · 29/12/2011 22:47

xpost with santa

eurochick · 29/12/2011 22:47

Sunshine, as others have said, that is not correct. You received poor advice.

There is a good summary of the differences between being married and cohabiting here:
www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/your_family/family_index_ew/living_together_and_marriage_legal_differences.htm

BastedTurkey · 29/12/2011 22:50

Someone that I worked with didn't want to get married to her partner as they had both being married before and it hadn't worked out etc.

Her partners XW made getting a divorce difficult for him so they had to go to great lengths to ensure that should anything happen to him, she would inherit rather than his first wife.

If there are DCs from a previous relationship I believe that this can cause issues too - they would have a strong claim on inheritance

SantasCave · 29/12/2011 22:51

This quote from the website I linked to (as did Eurochick) sums the inheritance issue up:

"If you're not married to your partner (or have not formed a civil partnership) and you die before you make a will, your partner won't automatically inherit anything from you. It doesn?t matter how long you were together. It doesn?t matter how committed you were. Instead, the law dictates that everything will go to your nearest blood relative, regardless of your wishes. In fact, if you don't leave a will, the Crown is more likely to automatically inherit from you than your partner!"

olgaga · 29/12/2011 23:01

Sunshine401, you couldn't be more wrong. For a start there is no such thing as a "Co-habitin family". There are only cohabiting couples/partners. The living arrangements of cohabiting couples give them no legal status under UK law.

Most importantly:

If one unmarried partner dies, the other cohabiting partner will not automatically inherit their partner's assets. Anything inherited through a will (if there is one) is subject to inheritance tax - spousal exemptions do not apply as they would if you are married.
Cohabiting partners are not automatically entitled to a share of their unmarried partners's finances after a split and have no legal rights to their partner?s pension after they die.
If a cohabiting couple split up, men do not have an automatic right to see their children, and women are not be entitled to any kind of financial support.
Cohabitors don?t count as legal ?next of kin?.
A cohabitor does not receive state bereavement benefit or a state pension based on a percentage of their National Insurance contributions as a husband or wife would.

jasper · 29/12/2011 23:02

It's a legal thing. You might do it as a romantic thing but when push comes to shove ( death or divorce ) its a legal thing and it might or might not affect you, either positively or negatively , depending on whether you are or are not married

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10