To not see the point in getting married...

[TongueTwister]

Can you convince me? Been with oh 5 years, fully intend to stick with him. We have a gorgeous 2 year old and hoping for another this year. Anyone got any good reasons to get married?

Cerealqueen, I agree that those are issues you need to think about if you get married. But they're also issues to think about if you don't, too. Wills, life insurance and next of kin aren't things that only affect married people, after all. I think the default setting for most of us is to not give all this stuff much thought, though. I admit I don't, and I have no excuse as I'm a qualified solicitor!

Whatmeworry, the problem is that a non-marriage 'package' doesn't cover everything, and can't. There is no piece of paper or combination of pieces of paper that legally provides everything a marriage does. It would be unethical imho for a solicitor to imply otherwise. I do understand why, for example, higher earners are worried about the potential impact on their assets. But I think anyone in that position has to ask themselves whether they'd rather it went to an ex or the taxman. And there are always prenuptial agreements too. These can now be enforced in British law.

I would never tell anyone to get married who didn't want to, but passionately believe that people need to be aware of exactly what they're saying no to.

The commitment is a huge part of it. Even if viewed in purely practical terms, do you want to be tied to this person forever or just for now? Marriage is a 'cover all' commitment. In sickness and in health and all that.

The difficulty with making non-standard commitments is that they might suit the circumstance you are in now (eg protecting your own assets) but what happens if your own situation changes? You may be in a position to be the financially stronger person now but if that changes you wont be in a position to dictate terms.

Marriage is both an emotional and a business commitment. Some people have mentioned the 'giving away' aspect but looking at other aspects of a traditional ceremony and you see that both bride and groom were being protected:

• the taking and breaking of hands to allow an unwilling bride or groom to escape
• the doors to the church being kept open again allowing escape
• the best man there to ensure any dowry is paid
• the bridesmaids there to ensure that marriage takes place
• the putting back of the veil to ensure that the bride can both see and be seen
• the fixed form of words, both parties know what the agreement is

Marry, dont marry but make a conscious decision thinking about not just now but also the future.

I don't think marriage has anything to do with the future.Dp and I have been together 22 years.I don't have any married friends who have been together that long

It depends who you know I know people married 10/20/30/40 right up to 65 years. Most got together as teens and it ranges through all age ranges. I hardly know anyone personally who has got divorced and none of them are religious.

I think those relying on marraige to protect overlooks the fact that it only protects you IF your spouse decides that they want to.

After marriage, either partner can make a will etc which overrides the automatic rights of marraige. They do not have to inform their spouse.

So it is equally possible for a married person to end up on the same state as a co-habitee!!

everyday I don't know where you're getting your information from, but be assured that is complete and utter rubbish.

Anyone can make a will, you just need to do it after marriage and it overrides any automatic entitlement. Many people do this whilst waiting for a divorce, but it can be done at any time.

If you own property together you can change from joint tenants to tenants in common whilst you are still married, some people are doing this to avoid inheritence tax and long term care costs here ask this shows you can then legally leave your half of the property to anyone....

everyday I dont know if the law has changed recently but it used to be impossible for one spouse to totally disinherit the other.

Gnome, you are right, and the law has not changed recently. It is not possible for one spouse to disinherit another, unless they divorce.

Plus, everyday, tenants in common does not protect you from inheritance tax. The rules do not apply to unmarried cohabiting couples or relatives living together.

Read more: www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/news/article-1594984/Tenants-in-common.html#ixzz1i9pT0pFZ

We are in the process of changing to tenants in common-it makes sense as you get older.

Gnome it is not true that that it is illegal to disinherit a spouse.

If a will does not provide for a spouse they can make a claim under the Inheritance (Provision For Family and Dependants) Act 1975 but this does not mean that it will be successful.

If a spouse has left all their assets to a reasonable causes (eg their children rather than their cat) and the surviving spouse has an income of their own, the claim might not be successful. The court will decide whether or not any assets are needed to maintain the applicant?s needs and resources and consider these against what would be reasonable for their maintenance.

I know of a case the solicitor I used to work for dealt with and the claim was not successful as the wife had an income of their own so did not need the assets.

everyday what you describe sounds reasonable enough and rather different from your suggestion earlier that a spouse could find themselves thrown on the parish.

From the FT:

"Under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975, as a surviving spouse you would be entitled to make a claim if your husband?s will does not adequately provide for you. It does not matter if you were separated from your husband or going through a divorce ? spouses are still entitled to be provided for.

There are conditions that must be met before you can make a claim: it must be within six months of the date of the grant of probate; your husband must have been domiciled in England or Wales; and you must be able to argue that you not have received adequate financial provision under his will.

The court will consider whether your husband?s will has already provided adequate financial provision for you. If it is of the view that there was not adequate financial provision, it will consider what would be reasonable provision for you in the circumstances. When determining what is reasonable, the court will take into consideration factors including the duration of your marriage to your husband; your age; and what you might reasonably have received if your relationship had been terminated by divorce and not by death."

I have to say everyday that your scenario sounds highly unlikely, unless it was a very short marriage indeed. Even if the wife had an income, a court will usually make provision based on what might reasonably have been received if the relationship had been terminated by divorce.

olgaga She was wealthy in their own right, and that was the courts decision. But if she hadn't been wealthy, she would not have had the money to take the will to court in the first place. Bringing a case costs a lot of money and as far as I am aware legal aid is not available.

I spent a considerable time working at a family law solicitor and saw hundreds of married people who had a stong belief that as they were married, legal and financial issues were sorted and they were protected. They were often wrong.

The point I have been trying to make is that much of this thread argues that a a marriage certificate is the only thing you need and that you are always in a better position than a co-habiting couple.

Marriage does change your legal status, but the provisions can be undone by one of the parties, just as a co-habiting couple can conver the legal protections they want.

OK everyday, typically for someone who doesn't quite know what they're talking about, you are using an anecdotal story you don't fully understand, one case to make an extreme and self-serving point.

You may have worked at a family law solicitor, but you weren't a solicitor, right? It's people like you who add to the fiasco of ignorance which surrounds legal rights.

I wish you'd cut it out.

For the record, the only way married couples can change their legal status is to get divorced. Fact.

Cohabitors can never achieve the full legal protection of marriage, no matter how many expensive pieces of paper they gather. Fact.