to be sitting here crying on Christmas day? Need hand holding, please.

[JaneFonda]

I'll try and make this as short as possible. (Sorry, this is sort of another MIL one, hope I'm not BU just for that!)

Basically, me and DP have been together since we were teenagers, and have 4 DCs together. We're not planning on getting married, neither of us are religious and we're happy as we are. DP's mum (I'll call her MIL, just easier) hasn't ever been happy with this arrangement - previous thread showing she's very strongly Christian!

Anyway, the plan was for me, DP and our DCs to go over to PIL's for Christmas dinner, and stay overnight for a walk on Boxing Day. DP has been in a lot of pain recently - the GP suspected appendicitis, but sent DP away on the warning to go straight to hospital if anything worsened. At lunch, he suddenly deteriorated and was rushed to hospital to have his appendix out. Thankfully, it was done in time and there are no problems.

I went to hospital with him, and he's now in overnight but I had to get back for the DCs (DTwins are only 4 months). I felt absolutely awful leaving him, but he's really just sleeping now so we agreed I'd go back to PIL's and then return to the hospital in the morning.

I got back to PIL's and after about 5 minutes, MIL pipes up with: "Are you off now then?" I was a bit confused because the plan was for us to stay over, but she said if DP wasn't here there was no point, because Christmas is meant to be for 'real' family. I thought she was joking a bit, so laughed and asked her if that meant we're not real family, and she said that I am certainly not, because me and DP aren't married, so perhaps I should go, but DCs could stay for the night.

Obviously, I wasn't prepared to leave my DCs there and go home by myself, so drove me and my four lovely DCs home, trying not to let them see me cry. They are now snuggled up watching Ratatouille and I've popped upstairs to have a sob.

AIBU to feel like MIL has ruined the Christmas afternoon? Or WIBU to take the DCs home with me, when I'm sure they wanted to spend time with their grandparents? Feeling so alone and worried, even though I know DP will be fine, I feel awful that I've left him. :(

Utter cow. I would refuse to ever go there again nor take the dc. She needs to give you a grovelling apology.

Yanbu, that's a terrible way to act, go and have some hugs with dc and try to put her out of your mind, one day she will be a very lonely old woman

I would drop her like a ton of bricks once DP was better.

NO going back.

Just hope you're ok.

Miserable bigoted old cow!
That would the last she would ever see of me or mine!
Isn't the idiot who glued the book on other religions together?
Tell her to stick her Pritt stick where the sun don't shine!
Bless you, you must be so worried about DP.
Are you ok there? Do you need any help re visiting etc?

I personally would never go again. What a horrible woman.

Hope you are ok and DP is recovers soon.

well for a start thats not very christian of her. And secondly she sounds like a bitch and i would avoid avoid avoid

Oh poor you!

You did absolutely the right thing.

Not BU. Evil old hag! How awful for you. She must be a very unhappy and bitter woman. Look at your children and be happy that you are nothing like her. No consolation I know. I was in bits one year ago today, due to a very nasty drunken letter pushed under door by a bitter alcoholic neighbour. I took it to heart even though it couldn't have been personal as she barely knows us. Worse for you when you are related, unfortunately, to this vile person.
Poor you. Big hugs from a stranger, don't know what else to say really....

Did no one else say anything...FIL?

REAL FAMILY???? OMG that is an appalling thing for he to say, really appalling.

I think she's shown her true colours by her actions, she should have been supporting you and your DC while your DP is in hospital, not turfing you out at Christmas. Can't believe she suggested you go home and your kids stay with her!!!!!! Truly appalling behaviour.

Hope you are ok, have yourself a nice chocy or two and watch Dr Who, on in half an hour..... and forget about your bloody MIL.

and never visit again...she has shot herself in the foot

Earthy, this is the same one, yes!

The doctor said that because it was a relatively simple procedure, DP should be out by tomorrow evening, so I'll visit in the morning and see how he is. Luckily, I have a lovely neighbour who has offered to look after the DC (I am so thankful!)

I'm not sure what to do about it all - I know I need to wait until everything's calmed down etc., but how do I deal with it without punishing FIL? He is a lovely grandpa, and doesn't make horrible comments at all, he is really great. He was out of the room when MIL spoke to me, so I suppose she'll spin it and make me look bad. :( I genuinely didn't retaliate or say anything bad to her, I just tried to leave with... dignity. Even though I didn't feel like I had any!

Bitch Mil . What a spiteful cow.

You did the right thing by coming home with the kids, her loss.

Your DH will be fine in hospital, so you just relax and enjoy the rest of the evening.

I would find this behaviour unforgivable to be honest and I am known to hold grudges for yeeeaaarrrrss .

Don't think about her anymore, just look at what you have and enjoy that lovely warm feeling.

YANBU. What a horrible old witch. 'Christian'? My fat arse.

I hope your DP has a swift recovery.

What a horrible woman.

So your DP is in hospital on Christmas Day, having been rushed there and had an emergency operation, you have 4 DC including tiny twins and this woman basically kicks you out of her house?! Vile, just vile.

You are the mother of her grandchildren - I really don't know how much more familiar you can get. She's a Christian is she? I am sure Christ would be incredibly proud of how she treated you today.

You have every right to feel aggrieved and I feel awful for you. Please, this is her not you.

Here's a . Sit down, put your feet up and thank your lucky stars you don't have to spend the evening with her.

YANBU. Complete bitch.

DCs no longer see them unless they accept you as their family.

Disgusting behaviour.

Enjoy your lovely DCs tonight and try and forget her for now, but this cannot go on.

Hope your DP feels better and is home with you soon.

Definitely not being unreasonable....what a horrid woman. I hope your DP tells her what for when he improves!

Wow what a bitch. I'm so sorry, she has behaved in a truly awful way towards you. As and when she calls you tell her to fuck off and fuck off some more. How dare she treat you like that?!

If my MIL felt that way about me my DH wouldn't stand for it and we wouldn't go there until she accepted things as they were.

Hope you are ok.

That's awful! But you need to have a think about how you will handle things because you are NOT your DP's next of kin legally, and it seems that you MIL would deliberately not do as you wish if there was ever a medical emergency. A medical power of attorney might be required.

Bloody hell!

You poor thing. And your DP is going to be quite unhappy with this too, I would think.

That awful woman knows nothing of the Christmas spirit nor common humanity. She's awful. Just awful.

You are the mother of 4 of her grandchildren - in what sad bigoted world does that make you not family? Anyway, focus on the important people in this, your DCs and DP for the next few days. Once he is feeling better he needs to make it clear to his mother just how intolerable her behaviour was.

What a vile old trout she truly is - and not a particularly admirable example of a strong Christian!

It takes a real bottom-feeder to a: even consider being mean when her son is in hospital and b: come out with the comment she said to you at all, let alone when you have an ill partner, and four children to deal with and c: do any of this on Christmas Day.

If your DP has anything about him, he will put her in her place once he has recovered.
This is his situation to deal with, not yours, so try not to dwell on it, and just snuggle up with your lovely children.
He will need to prove to his mother that you and his children are his main priority, and that she needs to keep her mean-spirited comments to herself.

You, your DP and your children are a family in your own right. His mother has a feck load of mileage to cover before she should be allowed to be a part of that again, imo.

Wishing your DP a speedy recovery.

Jane- she has basically thrown you out of her home on Christmas?

It's a huge shock to have suspicions confirmed in such a blunt way, but from here you now know where you stand in her eyes. Perhaps when DH is recovered you can have a chat and basically tell him where you stand in regards to the evil hag. You haven't left him- he's out of it, yes he will miss you when he comes around properly, but your responsibility lies with your children who are very young.

Now, stop wasting your tears over that horrible bigot your dp is unfortunately related to, have a cup of strong tea and several tonnes of chocolate/ sweets/ nuts/ biscuits.

YANBU