to be sitting here crying on Christmas day? Need hand holding, please.

[JaneFonda]

I'll try and make this as short as possible. (Sorry, this is sort of another MIL one, hope I'm not BU just for that!)

Basically, me and DP have been together since we were teenagers, and have 4 DCs together. We're not planning on getting married, neither of us are religious and we're happy as we are. DP's mum (I'll call her MIL, just easier) hasn't ever been happy with this arrangement - previous thread showing she's very strongly Christian!

Anyway, the plan was for me, DP and our DCs to go over to PIL's for Christmas dinner, and stay overnight for a walk on Boxing Day. DP has been in a lot of pain recently - the GP suspected appendicitis, but sent DP away on the warning to go straight to hospital if anything worsened. At lunch, he suddenly deteriorated and was rushed to hospital to have his appendix out. Thankfully, it was done in time and there are no problems.

I went to hospital with him, and he's now in overnight but I had to get back for the DCs (DTwins are only 4 months). I felt absolutely awful leaving him, but he's really just sleeping now so we agreed I'd go back to PIL's and then return to the hospital in the morning.

I got back to PIL's and after about 5 minutes, MIL pipes up with: "Are you off now then?" I was a bit confused because the plan was for us to stay over, but she said if DP wasn't here there was no point, because Christmas is meant to be for 'real' family. I thought she was joking a bit, so laughed and asked her if that meant we're not real family, and she said that I am certainly not, because me and DP aren't married, so perhaps I should go, but DCs could stay for the night.

Obviously, I wasn't prepared to leave my DCs there and go home by myself, so drove me and my four lovely DCs home, trying not to let them see me cry. They are now snuggled up watching Ratatouille and I've popped upstairs to have a sob.

AIBU to feel like MIL has ruined the Christmas afternoon? Or WIBU to take the DCs home with me, when I'm sure they wanted to spend time with their grandparents? Feeling so alone and worried, even though I know DP will be fine, I feel awful that I've left him. :(

I hope you don't mind but I've shared your story with my family, and we all feel absolutely disgusted with your MIL. My Dad is usually so laid back and even he said that you should never, ever see her again. My mum wants to go and 'sort her out' for you (by that I mean give her a big talking to!)

Sending you and your lovely (real ) family lots of love, you are DNBU!!

Ive just realised why you are called Jane Fonda!!

I would stop the children having any kind of unsupervised contact with her whatsoever, not because she would be a danger to them but as I said on the other thread, when she glues unchristian pages of books together, that her mother has bought them she is undermining the childrens' mother's decisions.

That is not healthy for the children, if the grandmother is going to tell the children their mother is somehow a sinner, then she can damage the children's relationship with their mother and that't not healthy.

I would not allow any more unsupervised until she gets a mental health check up because her problems are nothing at all to do with religion, she's freakin' nuts.

Sorry to those who don't like "disablist" language forgot myself in my anger there. In my defence I don't see people with depression, OCD, ADHD, tourettes, bipolar or any other mental health disorder that I have ever heard of sharing the same symptoms as this woman. To clarify no offence intented.

I am a Christian and this behaviour is representative of a woman who uses a religion to back up her personal vendetta. It's got nothing to do with being strongly christian and everything to do with being a controlling nasty manipulative woman. It's no coincidence that she said this alone to you. I suspect she intends to bully relying on the fact that everyone assumes it's their fault because 'she is such a Christian'

Please stand up to her and cut her out of your life.

It works two ways.

She has told you, you are not part of her family. Therefore she is not part of yours.

I agree with the poster upthread who said to tell your partner about it as soon as you can. The last thing you want to do is keep it from him because his bigoted, selfish bitch of a mother might get in first and spin him a line. I'm sure it won't set his recovery back - you can tell him what happened in a nutshell then agree to discuss it further when he feels better.

Personally I'd not let her near my DCs ever again. I read your previous thread about her glueing the book pages and that was bad enough but this...well, there are no words.

Please ensure you get legal advice so that you are recognised as each other's next of kin in law (if you can do that - I'm no legal expert), in case (heaven forbid) something happens to one of you.

I truly hope your DP recovers very soon.

I wonder if she ever asks herself what Jesus would do Such an unchristian attitude she has.

I feel so sorry for you - you are going through a really tough time and have baby twins and she throws you out I am just shocked. No doubt she would have turned Mary and Joseph away when they were desperate to find lodging.

I guess if you and DP aren't really together, then those can't really be her grandchildren, can they? So why should she have any right or even wish to see them?

Best wishes to DP, fancy having appendicitis on Christmas Day, poor soul! Tell him to get his ailments out of the way by November at the latest in future.

And the fact that you were originally included in the plan, and she waited til you're alone with her, shows how much she knows she's in the wrong.

When/if this gets discussed, don't back down & give her an 'out' like maybe you misheard/misunderstood - it will look like you're in the wrong. Be clear & calm about what she said.

I'm betting that this is nothing to do with her beliefs, more that you 'stole' her son away from her.

OP this ghastly Godless woman can call herself a Christian until the cows come home but I'm sure you don't really need telling that she is 100% definitely NOT a Christian. I am not the Queen of Sheba and no amount of calling myself that will make it so.

I concur with every other poster who has said this woman must now be cut out of your life - and the lives of your DC to avoid their precious minds being poisoned by her. There's just an outside chance that this will make her sit up and think.

I also reckon some of her behaviour is about you having 'stolen' her son. Maybe she'd built up an expectation of a big white wedding for years, or something equally demented. Bet you getting into the ambulance with him sent her into a rage.

Hugs. Your MIL should take a long walk of a short pier. Into shark infested waters.

You poor thing. Hope your partner makes a good recovery, and will be home with you all soon. Can't BELIEVE your evil MIL!!

I'd be sorry for the sharks, Fizzy.

You know what Fizzy you could do far worse to this old hag. Take control away from her. She has the damned nerve to expect to have her grandchildren and kick their mother out. I really believe the best way forward is to kick the MIL from hell out of their lives, and let her have limited supervised contact and zero control. Fecking old witch, I rarely swear on here but she is outrageous. I am more aggrieved that she wanted the grandchildren while happy to kick mum out.

Damned cheek and nerve.

They are utter cowards, dare they say that infront of your dp! Your MIL is so Christian that she is turfing her dp partner out on the streets on Christmas day, what if you could not drive and where not able to get home on Christmas day! Nasty nasty pieces of work, make sure your partner knows asap!

WOW! i haven't read the thread - just your post. But i want to say what a total and utter bastarding thing to do or say. what an evil evil comment.

If it were me i would never EVER speak to her again. I would also tell DP and expect him to let them know that it is unacceptable and you all expect an apology. He should be extraordinarily angry to know that in a time of stress and crisis they would not give you and dc all the love and support you need and deserve.

If she is such a christian (or even just a fucking human being) then this certainly is not the way to behave.

My DP has had to work for the last 4 hours and i was feeling pretty sorry for myself but this takes the biscuit.

I am lost for words that anyone could be so cruel. Sending you as much sympathy and support as i can.

What an absolute cow! DP and I are not married but if either of our mums acted like this they'd not be seeing their grandchild again!

For what it's worth, I had my appendix removed a few years ago and was out of it following the general anasthetic for a good 24 hours or so. Hopefully DP won't be missing you (in the nicest possible way) and will just be sleeping off his surgery so try not to worry about not being with him (I know that's easier said than done)

Me too Annie....except they are my phobia so I'd find it hard to feel very sorry for them!

I wish I knew where you lived, cos I would be there with my bottle of gin, chocs and another box of chocs and my personal stash of Wotsits. I can only apologise on behalf of this woman... but then the good news is, she is not family... RESULT!!!

Hope DP gets better soon xxxxx

Shes obviously a really nasty jelous person despite being a christian. Give your DH a couple of days to recover and then sit down and discuss everything very factually with him. If I was your hubby I wouldn't let MIL see the kids - although I'd be happy for FIL to.

Hugsxxxx She is not christian even if she thinks in some sort of twisted way that you were wrong not to be married a christian would hate the sin and love the sinner. I am NOTsaying howyou live is wrong my ds and partner have 3 kids no marriage and dd had 1st with no marriage fine by me. I'm the christian not them!!! Nasty woman don't have any more to do with her.xxxxx

What a horrible old bag!

I hope your DP is home soon and that he does whatever he needs to do to sort out this awful situation, be that having a very strong word with his mother or cutting her out of your lives.

Remember - you didn't cause this horrible situation, she did. DO NOT feel guilty

Simply the fact that you can be so calm about being by yourself at Xmas with 4 kids including 2 tiny babies, with your DP in hospital and being treated like that shows how incredible you are. I'm really impressed with your strength. Have a lovely evening.

You have given her 4 gorgeous grand children, which in my book makes you family. I class my now best friend as family, cos she was there for me when my family couldnt (they didnt know the situation but she guessed so knew). Therefore chrissy and catherine are family to me. I would never turn them away all but saying they arent welcome. MIL (or would be MIL) can be such bitches sometimes. Dont waste your emotions on her and make a note of it for next year, so that when she brings up christmas say, no sorry we cant come over, christmas is only for "real family" or thats what you told me!! You can play her at her own game, or better still if possible, new years day! it will be fresher in her memory. x