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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to show my DC how over priviledged they are at Christmas..

151 replies

clutteredup · 20/12/2011 17:12

...by wanting to take them to help at a shelter on Christmas day.

OK so it won't be Christmas day because DH won't let me but I just want to do something with them to show them that they are sooo much better off than so many people rather than focussing on what they want for Christmas.
I have tried googling homeless shelters in our area without much success but I desperate for some ideas to just let them see first hand what Christmas is really about.

They are 10, 8 and 4 ( I'm just about prepared to let the LO wait with her Dad for another time when she's a bit older Wink )

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 20/12/2011 17:23

Plenty of places would like volunteers, but I suspect they'd prefer you to go to actually help out, which is going to be a bit tricky while supervising your children, isn't it?

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 17:28

I'm thinking they could help out too - I've never been to one but I'm assuming they need pepole to collect up plates and cups and take them to the kitchen sort of things that my two could do relatively unsupervised. OK I'm probably totally naive here but I don't know really - it's just they have this idea that they are hard done by because we don't buy them expensive electronic equipment and somehow believe all their friends will have hundreds of pounds spent on them - we will be spending about £40-50 each on them which I think is loads and I don't think they understand that is so much.

OP posts:
WhatsWrongWithYou · 20/12/2011 17:30

I used to get incredibly upset just thinking about homeless people at Christmas, or imagining people on their own or not getting any presents.
Tbh, I'd consider it ruining their Christmas to force them into contemplating this stuff.

I'm sure your DCs will still grow up to be decent, considerate people without having others' less pleasant realities thrust upon them at such a young age.

Plus, the 'disadvantaged' are not there to be gawped at or held up as some sort of example. Let them enjoy the magic - there'll be enough time and opportunity for grim reality to force itself on them without your help.

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 17:31

They also get lots of presents from their relatives so they do end up with a lot more than most children I imagine.

OP posts:
Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 17:34

I know they're not to be gawped at I do feel it might be like that but I just want some way of helping them realise how lucky they are - I'd be happy to let them enjoy the magic if they didn't come across as selfish and ungrateful - sorry I've had a bad day just trying to get them to do the simplest of tasks to help me - I've really been at the point of cancelling Christmas completely

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsSantaClaus · 20/12/2011 17:35

I think most shelters etc are pretty much fully-staffed with volunteers by now, it takes organising, not just random bodies turning up on the day. Maybe contact some churches, or the sally ann, before next Xmas?

troisgarcons · 20/12/2011 17:35

I don't know how to put this - but Im sure homeless people don't want to be a novelty value and stared at by the more fortunate. I know thats not your intention.

My Brother went through the shit-from-hell stage - mind you this was back in the 60's - my dad took him upto the railway arches near embankment and let him look @ the tramps, drinking meths, and rats running round. Sharp shock tactics. Not quite what you have in mind, but nonetheless a lesson in reality.

You really want to take a 4yo to a soup kitchen? Sorry but I think thats incredibly patronising.

minimisschief · 20/12/2011 17:36

Wouldn't it be easier to explain to them about money rather than try and guilt them into feeling bad?

Also just because they feel hard done by in no shape or form will that be changed by showing them people with nothing. They will still not have what their friends have.

It is the way of the world. same scenario when someone comes on here with a small problem like im losing a days pay because of the strikes and people say stuff like well you should be grateful because there are starving children in africa but it in no way changes the fact that to that person they feel hard done by because they lost a days pay or whatever.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 20/12/2011 17:39

troisgarcons the OP isn't contemplating taking a 4yo to a soup kitchen - just the 10 and 8yo.
So that's okay then.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 20/12/2011 17:42

I don't understand why you feel your children need to understand how lucky they are. They didn't ask to be born, you chose to have them.

Helltotheno · 20/12/2011 17:45

OP I totally hear where you're coming from and I'd like to this with my own kids too. Mine are a similar age to your older two and I wouldn't be bringing them anywhere to stare, they'd be getting stuck in. 4 is too young but the other ages are fine imo. I will do it at some stage for sure but maybe I'll wait another year or two.

I'm sick of all the rampant materialism around tbh and am blue in the face telling them that I couldn't give a rats if ALL their mates get porsches for xmas, they're just getting what they're getting as long as it's under £100.

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 17:45

OK so a soup kitchen is a bit extreme - its what I'd gladly do every year instead of having Cristmas at all but I accept i can't do that to my DC and DH wouldn't let me any way. I wans't serious about taking my 4 YO I did say I'd let her stay at home !
My problem really is that I have an issue about how many presents they get and when they have so much already and its all about getting more and more - it's like this every year and just once I'd like them to understand how lucky they are

OP posts:
DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 17:47

WhatsWrong Isn't it so they'll appreciate what they have and grow up to be nicer people who have consideration?

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 17:48

helltotheno thank you I was starting to feel like I shouldn't care that my DC are growing up selfish and materialistic.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/12/2011 17:49

Many of the homeless people have just been unfortunate, but equally a lot of them are drug addicts, have mental health issues, alcoholics... and it can be a very volatile environment to take young children into.

An adult would be able to cope with adults who may verbally abuse them, but children would not.

Fine if you want to go and help.. leave your kids at home.

DigOfTheChristmasTreeStump · 20/12/2011 17:49

I would have thought they are a bit young for scare tactics, have they been bad in some way?

Why not a more positive, uplifting choice, like asking your local care home if they have any pensisoners who might appreciate three wee visitors, or an animal shelter where they could feed the animals and appreciate that some people need more, but they can give more, ie their time?

nkf · 20/12/2011 17:50

I think it's a good message to teach but not sure the shelter idea is the way to go. Do you want it to be home grown? Churches do a lot of work with needy families where they ask people to make up gift parcels. It's usually the congregation though and it will be all sorted by now. Those charity catalogue where you buy goats?

manicinsomniac · 20/12/2011 17:50

I don't think it needs to be Christmas Day for you to get your children involved in helping others in some way.

I suspect that, if you do it on Christmas Day itself, they might resent their lost day rather than feel lucky and helpful.

When I was 11 my parents got involved in some scheme where you entertained an elderly person without relatives in your home for Christmas Day. I now think that was lovely of them but as a bratty, hormonal pre teen I raised hell about having to have a STRANGER in OUR house for OUR Christmas - children aren't always the pleasantest or most reasonable of beings!

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 17:50

Ooo it's perhaps a bit late this year but how about christmas shoeboxes next year?

BluddyMoFo · 20/12/2011 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 17:51

nkf good suggestion - all my xmas parcels contain a gift from oxfam unwrapped.

yellowraincoat · 20/12/2011 17:51

You know, you can do things without your husband's permission. If you want to volunteer, do it.

If you have an issue with how many presents they get, get them fewer. Give some away to charity.

Taking kids to see how the other half live is so bloody patronising. Seeing homeless people for one day doesn't give you any sort of idea about how they live.

I know a lot of homeless guys (and was there myself once) and I know they'd hate to think that they are thought of as "unlucky" or that their lives are shit compared to yours. They have friends and family and dreams too, you know.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 20/12/2011 17:54

I'm fully confident my DCs will grow up to be considerate people (two are teenagers already). I don't think making them feel bad at a time when their friends are excited and happy is necessary in order to achieve that end.
Modelling the behaviour you want is generally accepted to be the best merhod of producing well-behaved, well-adjusted human beings, is it not?

WhatsWrongWithYou · 20/12/2011 17:55

That was to Donotgiveafig, btw.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 17:56

I don't doubt that whatswrong and excellent point. There are some good suggestions here to help them see how lucky they are without ruining crimbo instead of gawking at the homeless nowGrin