Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to show my DC how over priviledged they are at Christmas..

151 replies

clutteredup · 20/12/2011 17:12

...by wanting to take them to help at a shelter on Christmas day.

OK so it won't be Christmas day because DH won't let me but I just want to do something with them to show them that they are sooo much better off than so many people rather than focussing on what they want for Christmas.
I have tried googling homeless shelters in our area without much success but I desperate for some ideas to just let them see first hand what Christmas is really about.

They are 10, 8 and 4 ( I'm just about prepared to let the LO wait with her Dad for another time when she's a bit older Wink )

OP posts:
Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 22:10

Thanks Katie have some Wine

OP posts:
deliciousdevilwoman · 20/12/2011 22:10

Fantastic post, Lydia! Exactly, what I meant, but said far more eloquently

MangoMonster · 20/12/2011 22:11

The concept the op is talking about is very common in buddist families, in fact it's mandatory. I think it's a great idea although maybe not a homeless shelter and maybe not at Christmas.

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 22:12

and Hello too Wine Grin

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 20/12/2011 22:12

Your DCs sound lovely.

It is very hard for 8 and 10 year olds to really appreciate what they have (heck, most adults can't) but if you set a good example to your children by volunteering yourself/ donating to charity or even sponsoring a child then more than likely they will emulate you when they grow up.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 20/12/2011 22:14
Xmas Grin
ouryve · 20/12/2011 22:14

OP, that might be a bit hairy for kids so young, but there's plenty of other ways you could encourage them to think of others in the festive season. You could make one of their presents one of those gifts of something mundane such as a goat to people living in the 3rd world. Today, there were people delivering bags of goodies (biccies, crackers, tins of cooked meat etc) to local pensioners (and I mean pensioners living on the bare minimum) courtesy of age concern.

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 22:17

Mango - I have already said about agreeing the homeless shelter isn't a good idea - but not at Christmas ? -
Isn't Christmas supposed to be a Christian thing, and isn't Christianity about caring for others etc - is the not at Christmas bit because it wouldn't be appropriate to encorage my children in Christian ( or perhaps even Buddhist ) principles at Chritmas?

OP posts:
trulyscrumptious43 · 20/12/2011 22:23

I wholeheartedly support your idea OP. I have discussed doing exactly the same with my DCs for the last 4 xmases. It hasn't happened for various reasons (eg visiting sick grandfather/ my DP in hospital on xmas day instead) but I'd like to think that we will one day do it.
You need to register via a website a few months before, I know that much.

Well done, I applaud you. and all those who have said you are thinking of doing it to assuage your own guilt - well why not? How else do we assuage our guilt, i ask you?

HereKittyKitty · 20/12/2011 22:25

Ok, so a homeless shelter was a bad idea in the OP, I get that, but I do understand that desire to share out what we have, to appreciate everything more, to want less, to improve the life of someone else. For me, all of that is exacerbated at Christmas by the advertising, the over-eating and over-spending. I'm not surprised the OP feels moved to do something to counteract this. There have been some excellent suggestions on this thread which I am burrowing away for when I have my own DCs.

My parents-in-law are utterly overwhelming in pretty much every aspect of life, but mostly gifts. They go totally overboard buying "stuff" for us (adults) and recently took my baby niece enough clothes to last from now until she turns 3 (I'm talking 15+ coats for example). My SIL commented that they got her so much in October that Christmas will seem a bit rubbish in comparison. I expect I will feel overwhelmed and possibly cry a little when I see what they get our DC's in the future, so I have some sympathy!

With regard to church, I found as a child I could concentrate and was very moved by atmospheric Christmas Eve services. But yes, on Christmas Day I was just desperate to get home and open presents...!

MangoMonster · 20/12/2011 22:26

cluttered I meant Christmas day, sorry should have been more specific.

deliciousdevilwoman · 20/12/2011 22:27

Cluttered-I think what Mango means (and she'll correct me if I am wrong) is that you are already showing good examples throughout the year, and reinforcing messages about sharing/togetherness/giving....they are not going to turn into monsters if they are allowed to be a bit selfabsorbed/acquisitional at Christmas.

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 22:27

OK forgiven mango have some Wine

OP posts:
MangoMonster · 20/12/2011 22:30

Cheers Xmas Smile

BarbaraMillicentR0berts · 20/12/2011 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sozzledchops · 20/12/2011 22:33

I had a bad time tonight with this. Our kids are basically lovely kids though I feel very privileged compared to many other kids and I realise they just take it all for granted (which is our fault). Tonight at the panto (another treat) the eldest went into a real sulk as I wouldn't let him have a Lolipop (on top of the other junk he's had today) and tried to waste it for me. Getting worried we ae creating spoilt brats, they have no clue that they have so much and have experienced stuff other kids can only dream about. It's miles away from the upbringing husband and I had as kids.

Sirzy · 20/12/2011 22:34

One day isn't going to change anything. It's how you behave all year and the messages you give children which make the difference.

For children Christmas is a lot about recieving but that doesn't mean that they aren't aware of other things. I recently went into a local school to talk about the toy service the church does to collect toys for the local children's ward. The children (primary school) took on board what was said and questions included "will children in other hospitals get new toys to play with?" "if I was in hopsital I would want new pjs can we send them in?" and "I have toys I don't Play with can I bring them?". -- these where just normal children, they had no prompting but they responded fantastically to something so simple.

It doesn't have to be the grand gestures such as seeing homeless people which make them realise others are worse off. I bet if you speak to them they are more than aware from what you have said.

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 22:42

sozzled I know what you mean - my DC can be like that too - I think it's just there's so much out there for them to have - in our day Grin there just wasn't the same availability of stuff or the same level of advertising directed at children to let us know what we wanted. AND I think as DC we were probably much happier for it - you can't be sad about not having something if you don't know it exists.

OP posts:
sozzledchops · 20/12/2011 23:40

Clutter up - so true, we were quite happy with less than half the crap! My kids are definitely not happier with what they have than we were!

sashh · 21/12/2011 06:28

I think your intentions are good but I don't think they are old enough to volunteer.

There are a number of collections going on at the moment such as the Salvation Army and, where I am, the shelter for women, these are collecting toys for children who otherwise would not get anything.

For the two eldest

If you can get a copy of 'poor kids', sit them down to watch the bit where the children explain that as a family they had a box of chocolates for their present. Not because they were not loved but because it was all dad could afford.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b011vnls

on youtube go to 55.20 ish and watch to the end.

Then give them a set amount of money and go shopping for a gift - for the ONE present they are going to give to someone who will not otherwise get a present.

IMHO they are too young for shelters and will probably find it hard to accept that anyone wakes up on Xmas morning to nothing, when they are older volunteer as a family.

PinkFondantFancy · 21/12/2011 06:42

I think the general principle of trying to get them to understand just how lucky they are is a great one. I like sashh's suggestion of a present for someone that otherwise wouldn't have one. You sound like a brilliant mum OP-ignore those that say you're trying to assuage your own guilt.

tigerlillyd02 · 21/12/2011 06:55

You can talk to them about people less fortunate than themselves. There are also plenty of info online if you google it and can let them read, see pics, watch videos etc.

I don't think they're too young for an understanding of how lucky they are - not even the 4 yr old. I tell my (just) 2 year old simple stories and engage him fully in preparing a hamper for children who don't get any presents. And I fully agree it is important that they know and realise how lucky they are. I don't see how any harm whatsoever can come of this. Perhaps if more people realised how lucky they were instead of feeling hard done to on a daily basis over trivial matters, they'd be happier.

That said, I probably wouldn't take him to a shelter of any description - mainly because some of them can be quite loud and perhaps scary for a young child. You can engage them in helping others in lots of other ways - aising funds for charities, making and giving hampers to all sorts of places. If you felt the need to take them anywhere you could always go to an OAP's home or something which would be calmer.

OnTheBen10DaysofChristmas · 21/12/2011 07:05

I think that there is nothing wrong with the intention of teaching your children about people less fortunate than then. Depending on your location, your children may never have mixed with other children from poorer backgrounds to understand quite how well off they are. My cousins are 13 and 11 and although have definitely been brought up with a sense of being v fortunate, they still do not grasp how very well off they are compared to others - "we've only been on one holiday this year" being a classic comment from this summer and this was to a luxury timeshare in Majorca ..........

Obviously the OP is not now going to try to take her children to a shelter but I get where she is coming from.

chocfrenzy · 21/12/2011 07:17

Life is fundamentally unfair isn't it. Here is an idea OP. Get some balloons or something nice and get your kids to drop them off to people who live in a local OAP home.

My Dad used to do lots of random act of kindness to people who fell on hard times that I observed. He didn't make me know how lucky I was but I was made aware of social justice. He just, through out the year, helped people when he could without fanfare.

I learnt that giving up things and expressing gratitude were really important for both my own happiness and that of others. One of my favourite things about earning money to this day is the power you have to help others with it.

I do worry that taking them to a shelter at this late stage, is actually modelling behaviour whereby you are the lucky ones and they are not.

BornToBeRiled · 21/12/2011 07:44

I think your intentions are good OP. I too worry, but have come to realise that one day of the year will not create monsters. Let them enjoy, and carry on talking. Ad long ad they do things which are not grabby, they will be fine. Make cards and decorations to give to people, church, pick out toys for charity, cook together, watch a film with a good "message", even visiting people they'd rather not. Those things balance out the gifts.