to want to show my DC how over priviledged they are at Christmas..

[clutteredup]

...by wanting to take them to help at a shelter on Christmas day.

OK so it won't be Christmas day because DH won't let me but I just want to do something with them to show them that they are sooo much better off than so many people rather than focussing on what they want for Christmas.
I have tried googling homeless shelters in our area without much success but I desperate for some ideas to just let them see first hand what Christmas is really about.

They are 10, 8 and 4 ( I'm just about prepared to let the LO wait with her Dad for another time when she's a bit older )

I agree - Nigella's approach sounds priggish in the e treme. And I can't say she's ever struck me as one to deny herself much (thinking fluffy cardis here - honest!)

I'm not after them repaying a debt to society it's just about being able to appreciate what you have - its so easy only to see people who have more than you and miss the ones who have less than you right under your noses - I have friends who fear their home being repossessed at Christmas, I'm not going to tell my DC which of the kids in their school will be lucky to be fed on Christmas Day let alone get any presents, but knowing these things it's hard to watch my children moan that Argos vouchers as a gift isn't really a good thing because you can buy more if you get cash because you can shop on Amazon.

I believe Nigella Lawson (could be someone else) let her kids keep one of their presents and then they would take the rest to the children's hospital or other childrens charity

Which is probably about as true as her saying she never uses double entendres in her show

That woman is so fake I am surprised trading standards havent fined her.

I get mine to go through their wardrobe and toy boxes. They pick out things they do not play with any more and then two things ahead that they (think) the like. We do the same with my wardrobe and we get a few nice cosmetics. We then wash everything, pack it very nicely and drive to a shelter for battered women with families. I do not labour the point but just tell them that not everyone is as lucky as we are. You would be amazed at how much they pick up. We do it four time a year not just Xmas.
As a child every year we went to the children's hospital near where we lived after church and before lunch. We sang, we played and then went home. Not much was said but got the message loud and clear.

OK - some suggestions to help with immediate Christmas issues:

Talk to your DCs. Acknowledge that it is exciting and lovely to get presents (all kids love presents and yours are still quite young) and they will be getting some (though not everything they want) but Christmas is not all about buying things and is about being family together and about giving too, so as well as presents you will be doing some extra things.

a) One poster talked about carol singing to raise money for charity. How about getting them to choose a charity (you could look up a few on t'internet together, or do something in the news like giving to flood victims in Philippines) Maybe you and your DCs could cook or ice some Christmas biscuits #( or failing that get a tin of Quality Street or similar). Then go round and sing carols to neighbours and offer a biscuit, wish them Merry Christmas and ask for donation to chosen charity. Or just do the biscuits and singing as a "gift" to your neighbours.

b) To emphasise the "it's not all about money/getting" thing but still have a positive spin, maybe you could get them to come up with things they'd like to do as a family over Christmas that cost little or nothing (and maybe don't involve electronics/ds/computer). Things like playing a board game, watching a family movie together with sweets/popcorn, maybe even playing together with Lego or other toys they already have- depends what your dc's would like. They get to choose one thing each but so do you and DH.

c) Do a pre-Christmas sort out of old toys they no longer want (to make room for new), stash in garage or somewhere to be taken to charity shop in New Year. To make it a family thing, maybe you and DH could sort out some stuff too.

d) Talk now - before it happens- about all the extra things that have to be done so that everyone can enjoy Christmas. Maybe talk about how the family is a team and that this year it will be a team effort. Decide now how they will help for the next few days and on Christmas Day itself and get their agreement beforehand. If they say "no I'm not doing that", then ask what they are going to do instead. They have to come up with some things that are reasonable for their age and ability. (Could be tidying room, dusting for pre-Christmas and on the day - collecting up wrapping paper, collecting dishes, emptying dishwasher, making cups of tea/coffee (for eldest one)). Let them know when and how they will need to do the job(s). I think children respond much better when they know in advance what is required and when they have to do it. Include the jobs you and DH will be doing too and roughly when you will do those so that they get a feel for what you will have to do over the next few days and feel that you are all in it together.

Oh sure - I would be pissed off if I had given a gift and it was given away! And I wouldn't make my kids give everything away. I agree that it's better to give older toys away.

However, I have a friend whose parents and in laws go nuts at Christmas and the kids end up with far too much - she tried in vain to get them to rein it in but they didn't. In the end she told them that she would pick one present from the pile and the rest would go to the local refuge - still wrapped and all!

As a child I used to spend Christmas day delivering 'meals on wheels'. Perhaps that would be a possibility next year, and then back home for a late afternoon Christmas family meal.

I have been homeless. You really, really don't want to take your children to a homeless shelter, any time of year. Aside from the fact that there's probably a million child protection issues around that.

Ignoring all that, the people that you're supposedly there to help will feel horrendously patronised by being held up as a lesson in how not to do life (as they'll see it) for your kids. You'd be better off living your life, talking to them about homelessness, poverty and addiction properly and hoping that as adults they want to do something to help than imposing that on them.

Sorry if I'm repeating things, I've not read more than the first page of the thread, but I didn't want to not reply before I had to run off.

Op, you have been given some good suggestions/strategies-which you have acknowledged. I can't really add anything above and beyond that.

However, upthread, you mentioned that your DC's are aware of your charity work and are encourage dto buy presents for their sibs-so they are being given a message already about "giving" as well as receiving from this modelling.

I do think there are some behaviours you will need to become resigned to though. For example, you "knowing" that your DC are going through the motions at church and just want to get home to their presents. I am sure there are DC all over the country thinking that way. They are not essentially bad or selfish children-they are just caught up in that feeling of anticipation.

One of my own DN aged 7, is impeccably behaved and sweet, but last year for the first time, I caught the anxiety/restlessness when the adults were chatting (on and on!) after dinner. The silent "Pleeease can you stop yakking and open the presents now" was coming off her in waves. For many DC's (and adults, actually!) Christmas is essentially about nice presents, food and enjoying hanging out with family. The special and comforting things-and a certain amount of that is mormal. You cannot change how they feel, by the strength of your own feelings-but if there is unacceptably demanding/selfish behaviours, than that can and should be challenged robustly

Don't you think it's all a tad bit condescending, the idea of taking your children to a homeless shelter to pretty much say, "look at how little these poor fucks have and look how much you have, aren't we the lucky ones?". Do you really think someone who is down on their luck needs a family of hooray henrys 'helping out', or in other words 'alleviating their conscience'. Its poverty porn.

You might only spend £50 on them at Xmas but how much do you spend on them over the course of the year? I'm guessing that's why you don't feel the need to spend much because it's drip-fed to them throughout the year. They do sound spoilt, not surprised you're taking desperate measures.

You know that you are talking about people in a homeless shelter not animals in a zoo to be gawped at?

Why not just read the full thread TurkeyFanjo?

turkeyfango that was unnecessarily rude IMO.

My husband works with the homeless and there would be serious child protection issues I think. Your sentiments seems sincere and very well meant and I totally sympathise. I feel really guilty for feeling pleased that DH is not at work on Xmas day this year (as its the weekend) but also I know he'll be there next year. 3 years ago when he worked Xmas day i cooked the dinner (with DD aged 6months in tow!) for his cliens but now rules have changed and there's no way they;d let me and our daughter in.

To be honest I don;t think Xmas is the best time of year to teach these lessons. Too many distractions. Perhaps after Xmas (or before) they can earn pocket money to see value of money and be encouraged to contribute themselves (not taking your oney in etc) to School/community stuff.

What about sending boxes over to service men and women? They may relate more to that (they are away from their family etc).

Enjoy your Xmas :)

P.S. At age 30 I am desperate to open my presents.... though I am also deeesperate to give DH and DD the prezzies I have been collecting and saving up for........

I work with homeless people.

This is a bad idea for so many reasons. Only go if you actually want to help. This isn't Dickens, this is life for real people who don't exist solely to teach your children a lesson. That would be your job.

Taking on board the point about child protection, I think there are some very unreasonable comments on this thread. Get over yourselves, the op is trying to help. So she has money and is privileged, she wants to help, you are being ridiculous. Try going to somewhere with proverty levels so high as India and see if they throw kindness back in your face. Ridiculous beyond belief.

Taking on board the point about child protection, I think there are some very unreasonable comments on this thread. Get over yourselves, the op is trying to help. So she has money and is privileged, she wants to help, you are being ridiculous. Try going to somewhere with proverty levels so high as India and see if they throw kindness back in your face. Ridiculous beyond belief.

Zombie I hope you have time to read the rest to see I didn't want to do it for those reasons - honestly I never meant to suggest my children should gawp it was genuinely meant as somewhere we could go and help.
sarah thanks for the suggestions a) is a good idea and I'll look into that - we do the others already not just at Christmas.

I know we're in wine territory now so I'll duck the nasy comments , thanks for the helpful and supportive ones.
Now they're all in bed asleep I know they're good kids really - I just wish they understood how fortunate they are. As a family we spend most of our time enjoying the free things in life - my DC love going for walks up a hill nearby or in the woods and paddling in the stream , falling in and getting soaking wet and coming home for hot chocolate or tearing round the house like hooligans playing imaginary games, they do have electronic things which they could be attached to for the rest of their lives given half a chance but when we prise them away they have so much fun doing other stuff. DH and I love our lives we are comfortably off but we can't afford expensive holidays etc but we have a lovely time on a caravan holiday every year and visit grandparents too. But more than that we are happy with our lot - there are plenty of people who have more than us and equally plenty of people who have less - we just enjoy what we have - I don't want to sound smug there are times when I wish we could swan off to somewhere exotic or I could afford someone to help out at home but most of the time we are really happy and that has nothing to do with material things - apart from our home and knowing the bills are paid - and I just want my DC to know that there is so much more pleasure to life than amassing things and actually helping others can give so much pleasure too.

I deal with many people who wouldn't appreciate this kind of help. It has nothing to do with money (her children don't sound overindulged to me) the fact is, if she genuinely wants to help, she should but using ordinary, everyday people like you and me who have fallen on hard times to illustrate a point to young children is not on. I'm sure none of the people she sees will care much for her or her children's pity.

On second thoughts op, go. It will be an education for you.

I'm glad you've moved on since your OP clutter because my first thought was that many homeless shelters contain disturbed people/drug addicts/alcoholics and they really are not the sort of place to take children to.

Good luck with whatever you decided

Cluttered, having read your last post, it seems like you have a good balance and your DC's are alreading being taught that the best things in life can be free etc. As I stated earlier, whilst brazen selfishness/grabby behaviours should be challenged robustly, allow them to have some enjoyment "revelling" in "things" and the frivolity of Christmas....it's perfectly fine and healthy and does not a monster make.

I like your wine territory thinking OP, you have just explained your motives beautifully. I wouldn't worry about your DC, it sounds as though they already know what matters in life.

Sorry if was a bit harsh earlier, I just didn't get it. I do now.

no, you can't use poor people as a 'teaching device' for your children. No, you can't take them along to see how lucky they are, homeless shelters aren't zoos.

you have money, you are privileged, but you are teaching your DCs though the year to be good people, it's ok that they are excited about their gifts at Christmas and aren't being humble, they're children! I was terribly excited at the mountain of gifts we got from our very extended family as a child, but it doesn't mean I've grown up unable to see that the world is full of people far worse off than me and I should try to help them.

Let them be grabby and selfish and delight in material things for one day - let them have fun and magic and enjoy their lives, it's both a good and a terrible affliction you find in the British middle classes that we can't enjoy our privileged lifestyles as you are supposed to feel guilty that you aren't as poor and downtrodden as others.

and I just want my DC to know that there is so much more pleasure to life than amassing things

I 100% agree with this. It never ceases to amaze me the number of ADULTS who are totally obsessed with amassing material things in some shape or form. Bores.

Your children won't grow up like that because you are aware of the possibility of it. They sound like average well-adjusted kids to me. My DS is also obsessed with poring over catalogues etc and it does my head in but I actually think it's just more of a 'boy' thing. The stuff you do together as a family, even if they sometimes might complain about it, that's the stuff they'll remember as being part and parcel of their happy childhood.

I think a lot of the time on MN, even when the OP has explained things fully, people come on just to have a pop cos they've nothing better to do and most likely haven't even read the thread. Ignore em.