to want to show my DC how over priviledged they are at Christmas..

[clutteredup]

...by wanting to take them to help at a shelter on Christmas day.

OK so it won't be Christmas day because DH won't let me but I just want to do something with them to show them that they are sooo much better off than so many people rather than focussing on what they want for Christmas.
I have tried googling homeless shelters in our area without much success but I desperate for some ideas to just let them see first hand what Christmas is really about.

They are 10, 8 and 4 ( I'm just about prepared to let the LO wait with her Dad for another time when she's a bit older )

BluddyMoFo I didn't actually mean I was going to cancel christmas haven't you ever had a bad day with your DC and got to the end of your tether?

Re £40-50 present budget, clearly it depends what you can afford, and what you want to spend, but I think most people on MN will be spending more per child. But I'm not saying at all that you're being mean, just that to get into absurd spoiling territory, by most peoples' standard you would probably have to add a zero...

squeaky that is a good idea - I have already conceded in an earlier post homeless shelters aren't the way to go.

i don't, especially if the present is one in the ballpark of what they want.

I'm spending about £100 on average on each child, which amounts to three presents each and some stocking stuff. I don't think children always have to get exactly what they ask for tbh, that's why I get them to put some choices in their Santa letter and they might get one/two of those and one from us.

Do your own thing and don't let yourself be told what you're giving is too little. If your kids are loved and cared for, that's enough.

I certainly wouldnt be spending 400-500 per child

They get what they need, plus one or two other things that they might "like"

chortles hysterically at the GCSE revison guides neatly packaged up Can't wait to see the face on that!

I dont think 40-50 each when you have 3 kids is a pittance either, I expect by the time you have finished it will be £200, then there are other presents for other people, food and drink to buy too.. sounds reasonable enough to me. Not everyone wants to get into debt just for the sake of a couple of days out of the year.

No doubt the kids will be getting presents from other relatives too, so they are hardly being deprived!

Yes, I absolutely wasn't suggesting that £40-50 wasn't enough, just that it's not insane spoiling territory. I certainly wasn't suggesting that you should spend £500, just that that is crazy spoiling, not £50.

I think they are a bit young. I would like to do something similar with kids (as yet unborn) as DH used to volunteer every xmas day. He hasn't done it since he's been with me, which I feel guilty about, although I don't have any reason for not going with him!

OP I think this is a fabulous idea, my Dad did this with me when I was 9.

My mum had died and my dad was experiencing hard times. My older sister and I had complained when he explained that this year there would be fewer presents and no panto and that type of thing.

He took us to a soup kitchen on Christmas Eve (before elf'n'safety took over) and I spent hours putting bread on plates faced with a section of society that I never knew existed before.

The next day, Christmas Day, I had fewer presents than I had ever had before, plus I didn't have my mum which was heartbreaking BUT I was damn grateful for what I did have, and I realised that I had a lot.

I have never forgotten the lesson he taught me or those people I served.

Why do you think your children are selfish and materialistic?

I would find out about volunteering in the new year. And make sure that your dc don't think they're going as an object lesson in how privileged they are, but just to help. Otherwise there's a danger of there being even more of a them and us scenario. We're the lucky ones-look at the poor underprivileged people. Bit like helping out in an animal refuge. Where actually it should be here are people its our duty and privilege to support.

YANBU but maybe not on Christmas day.

I see where you're coming from OP, but I don't think Christmas day is the time to do it. I'd maybe make it a family new years resolution to help other people/those less fortunate. You could;

Volunteer your/their time

Sort through their toys/clothes and ask them to choose something to give away

Sign up to a 'sponser a child' charity, one where they will get a letter/update about the child and you can read it with them and talk to them about how other children live.
Ask them to donate a percentage of their pocket money each week to a charity.

I'm sure there are loads of books that focus on some people being less fortunate than others.

Watch the news with them (My DC's do this at school once a week and it's really made them think about how lucky they are.)

Get them involved in a sponsered activity to raise money

Christmas shoe boxes/Harvest festival are good times to talk about what they have and what others don't.

Forever thank you I think that HandS would probably prevent me from doing it but it's nice to know it didn't completely ruin your life.

MrsDeVere because my DS has spent the last 2 weeks going to bed with the Argos catalogue and sorting out what he should have from which relatives and when my DF paid for the DC to see Father Christmas at the weekend they moaned about the presents they got.

We spend what we do on our DC because by the time DHs family have finished ther isn't enough room to put all the presents under the tree - my spare bed is currently disguising presents from his family we could hardly fit them all under - not to mention the cash and vouchers they also receive which can add up to nearly another £100 each, believe me they are not missing out but I do put my foot down to my 8 yo DD having things costing £100 which she will then drop and break.
Yes we do end up spending alot more by the time we've got food and family presents but I save all year for it - I don't use credit cards and won't but my DC stuff I can't afford - we do the same for them at birthdays - one big present and small birthday treat with a few friends.
I do now realise how naive I'm being though I can start to understand people's attitudes a little more clearly now - if you think I 'm saying they're should be grateful when it appears I'm being some stingy I can see why i got the response I did. I clearly do live in a different world . MY RL friends can't afford to spend huge amounts on their DC either.

We do do that alot already - its not just Christmas I want to do this.

You're not being stingy, don't worry.

But that isnt really their fault is it OP?
I understand your motivation and its a good way to think.

If you cant prevent the onslaught of gifts for the inlaws then maybe talk to the kids about how some other families are not so lucky.

Most kids go through this sort of stage, I dont think its anything you are doing wrong. If you bring them up right it will pay off eventually.

Your hard work wont come to naught. It might just take a while for you to see the results you want.

I think you're getting a lot of grief here for what is very valid and justifiable concern. But, like others I agree that volunteering shouldn't be about you it should be about the recipients.

I know you've probably thought of this, but how about asking the kids to donate something of theirs that they have loved but grown out of to someone who needs it (obviously needs to be in reasonably good condition and wipe cleanable).

Kids Company used to be very grateful for presents that they could give out at their Christmas do. There are similar organisations throughout the country. Most of these kids have literally nothing, and Christmas Day is as shit as every other day. Again, not somewhere you could take kids as it's a volatile environment, but it might teach them that they're lucky to have families that care enough to buy them gifts.

Or even just donate them to their local library or sure start centre?

OP I get where you are coming from. I agree with the posters above who have explained why the homeless shelter is not a good idea but I don't see why people are being so horrible to you.

One idea might be to get your kids involved in Fairtrade Fortnight (its in Feb I think so you could start planning soon) ie selling home baking. Amnesty also has a letter writing network for primary school age children although personally I think the stuff can be too complex, certainly for my kids.

And £40 to £50 is absolutely fine. Anyone who thinks kids must have more seems to me to be really materialistic. Plenty of families have less to spend, especially this year.

I didn't mean to imply you were being stingy, just that you seemed to imply what you were spending was a lot when it isn't in comparison with what most people seem to spend (and I appreciate this is often all people can afford). But you hadn't gone into so much detail about the piles of presents from family members.
I'm not in your position - most of our children's presents come from us (which is fine), so we do spend much more than that.
The fact remains that Christmas is not a time for making your DCms re-pay some kind of debt to society, and material goods are not necessarily what spoils children.
One of my DSes had a phase of obsessing over the Argos catalogue (in fact, he went to school with a boy whose mother's approach to Christmas was to give him this wirh a pen and buy everything the boy ticked off! Didn't take DS long to realise his was more of a fantasy list!
I wouldn't worry about it - they turn back into their sweet angelic selves once Christmas lunch is over .

Thank you kind posters - Kids Company sounds good - they do give their outgrown toys away - some go to youngest and the rest to charity shops but to something specific is a good idea _ I'll look into it.

I believe Nigella Lawson (could be someone else) let her kids keep one of their presents and then they would take the rest to the children's hospital or other childrens charity.

Maybe you should ask your kids to take one of their presents to a charity?

My kids get far too much and I will be doing a bug clear out of their old toys this year. once they are older they will be doing something charitable at xmas - just need to decide what!

The fact remains that Christmas is not a time for making your DCms re-pay some kind of debt to society, and material goods are not necessarily what spoils children.

Spot on, whatswrongwithyou

I think asking children to give away something new is wrong. Donating older toys which wont be played with is fair enough but giving them things to then say "ha now we are taking one away" is just mean.