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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to show my DC how over priviledged they are at Christmas..

151 replies

clutteredup · 20/12/2011 17:12

...by wanting to take them to help at a shelter on Christmas day.

OK so it won't be Christmas day because DH won't let me but I just want to do something with them to show them that they are sooo much better off than so many people rather than focussing on what they want for Christmas.
I have tried googling homeless shelters in our area without much success but I desperate for some ideas to just let them see first hand what Christmas is really about.

They are 10, 8 and 4 ( I'm just about prepared to let the LO wait with her Dad for another time when she's a bit older Wink )

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/12/2011 18:24

OP, you do sound such a martyr and a misery to be honest.. why not just smile and be grateful that your children are lucky, rather than sit there crying because people have bought them things... appreciate what you and they have, rather than trying to be so OTT about "materialism"..

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 20/12/2011 18:24

Read your posts back and see how may "I" s there are.

It's all about you.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 20/12/2011 18:26

You know, I'll bet anything that they are swamped with volunteers on Christmas day but 2nd, 3rd, 20th January, what then? That's the time to be useful I'd imagine.

izzywhizzysmincepies · 20/12/2011 18:26

If your dc are 'selfish and materialistic' you should to look change the way you parent them.

A day trip once a year when you remember that there are others less fortunate than your dc is unlikely to turn them into caring and charitable individuals.

Instead of taking your dc to oogle see homeless people in the UK, why not sponsor a child from the Third World all year round and encourage them to save their pocket money to buy gifts for your sponsored child at Christmas and donate some of their birthday presents to send for the child's birthday?

Alternatively, why not set your dc to work making calves foot jelly, beef tea, and other nourishing delicacies and send them off to distribute it to the poor and needy in your locality on a weekly basis?

BTW is this post a wind-up? Is your name Diana?

Guitargirl · 20/12/2011 18:27

Well run shelters will have risk assessments and the presence of the children might require other volunteers to be CRB-checked. They will be busy and are not run for the benefit of teaching children whose parents have bought them too many Christmas presents how the 'less fortunate' live.

We do the Christmas stocking appeal for Great Ormond Street every year, send a cheque and get the DCs to write a Christmas message in the stockings which are then displayed on the wards. We also donate presents to local charity's Christmas present appeal which the DCs choose. There are plenty of things like this you could do with them.

pranma · 20/12/2011 18:39

I dont think that Christmas day is the time to do this-it isnt fair to the children and it is using the homeless and unfortunate for whatever reason.They will know children are there against their will and will be upset by it.No homeless shelter etc will want children there on Christmas day or any other day.

justinshouse · 20/12/2011 18:45

Have you thought about visiting an old people's home around this time? I'm sure the elderly would love to have kids around - especially the little one and they could just have a chat with them. It would teach respect and kindness without offending anyone I think. ( but maybe others will disagree!)

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 19:20

It's interesting that some people on this thread seem to think I have issues because I spend time helping out want to bring my children up the same way -it's an interesting perspective on life - it's not one I want my children to have when they are older. But then it's all about me me me - I should just let my children have what they want with no expectation of giving anything in return , I expect they'll fit into society so much better if they do.Hmm

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 20/12/2011 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveInASnowyClimate · 20/12/2011 19:34

I'm sure you mean well but I think it would seem incredibly patronising to do this - "we have come to sprinkle largess on the Poor" stuff. And weeping over your children's embarrassment of presents is a bit martyrish.

And for god's sake, Fabby Hmm. Just why?

yellowraincoat · 20/12/2011 19:36

Where did anyone say you should let your children grow up into spoilt brats?

Buy them less. It is simple.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 20/12/2011 19:37

I wouldn't have said this if you hadn't started throwing the funny faces about OP - but if you're spending £40 - £50 on your kids there's no danger of thdem getting everything they want.

Honestly, crying because your DCs get given presents!

BandOMothers · 20/12/2011 19:39

God call me a wimp but I think 8 and 10 is too little! They may see/hear some really unsavoury things. I think 13 plus is more aproppriate.

Sirzy · 20/12/2011 19:40

Cluttered have you actually read what people have said?

Nobody has a problem with encouraging children to volunteer and be part of the community/aware of others etc they are just questioning your desired approach and it's likely effectiveness.

On a side note forcing anyone to volunteer is counter productive. Volunteers need to be doing it because they want to and because it's a cause THEY care about not because someone has dragged them along to prove some point.

Ephiny · 20/12/2011 19:42

It sounds like what's really going on here is that you're annoyed with your children for not helping you with chores today - fair enough, but nothing to do with homeless/disadvantaged people. It's up to you to enforce discipline in your own home, don't try to rope in charities to help - they have enough to do already!

Helltotheno · 20/12/2011 19:42

In fairness I don't think the original post was ever about there being anything wrong with enjoying Xmas with your family... If that's what was being said, it went right over my head I must say.

OP I think your motives are pure and you sound like a decent person. In fairness there are some good suggestions in the thread from those who weren't calling you names so hopefully you'll get something from it.

Am sure you'll make sure your kids don't turn into materialistic, keeping-up-with-the-jones type twats 'stuff' obsessives.

Catsmamma · 20/12/2011 19:44

for the age of your children I would say a jolly good clear out of old toys, decent clothes, to give to a charity shop, or maybe some visiting at an old folks home....out primary school used to go carol singing at some old folks homes in town and certainly came home with a new view on life.

or even some old toys to pass from elder child to younger.

there is something very "look at me" and "prissy" about your op.

tardisjumper · 20/12/2011 19:45

When I was that age I went carol singing with my friends for Shelter, Our parents took us and we collected money and counted it up to send off.

Maybe that's a little more appropriate?

I come from a middle class background and had 'stuff', about what your DCs have by the sounds of it, and I don't think I have matured into a spoilt adult (thought I know I would say that). I work hard, am aware of the situation of others, work for a charity and I am looking at doing some volunteering with kids company.

But I enjoy christmas!!

Ephiny · 20/12/2011 19:46

And I don't think getting presents automatically makes a child spoilt or selfish etc, any more than having a disadvantaged childhood automatically makes someone kind and generous! If they are growing up bratty and horrible, I really doubt it's because relatives buy them nice presents at Christmas. It hardly sounds like they're getting excessive amounts anyway.

I think you're excessively focused on the present thing, if there are problems with their behaviour you might need to look elsewhere for the cause and the solution, it's unlikely to be all about Christmas.

Louplet · 20/12/2011 19:48

Have you considered sponsoring a child in the third world and involving your children with this by way of educating them about others in need? Also getting them to weed out unwanted toys to donate to charity? Maybe next year get them involved in a box scheme to provide a child with a present who would otherwise not get one. There are lots of more age appropriate ways to encourage them to consider those less fortunate than themselves at Christmas.

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 19:49

Thanks Hello I did only refer to 'some people' I appreciate all the other ideas -
Sorry am I really being dim here but do people really think that £40 -50 is too little to spend on my DC or are you just taking the piss outof me ?

OP posts:
justcallmemummypig · 20/12/2011 19:49

am going to look into the GOSH stocking thing not heard of that before....

I try to help my children understand how priviledged they are... we sponsor an animal at a local sanctuary, we give to charity shops and buy from them, we try and do something for children in need/cr/barnados, do shoeboxes at christmas

I think that is enough at this age (6 and 3)....

I think your motives are good,and your heart is in the right place, but it's not really the right thing to do.

BluddyMoFo · 20/12/2011 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/12/2011 19:51

If you think that your children are 'over priviledged', make some worthwhile changes throughout the year, not play at it during the 'Christmas period', that's just ridiculous and really quite pointless.

squeakytoy · 20/12/2011 19:53

I have tried googling homeless shelters in our area without much success but I desperate for some ideas to just let them see first hand what Christmas is really about.

Thing is though, homeless shelters are NOT what Christmas is all about.. homeless shelters are there all year round, not just for Christmas you know..

And I also bet that most of those people who are unfortunate enough to be in the position of having to use their services, would not wish that others were in the same boat, but would love to have the sort of Christmas that you and your children can have, because being with your family, and exchanging presents, IS what it is mostly about, especially for children.

I think it would be a far more useful and worthy thing to get your children to spend some time after christmas sorting out some of their old things, toys/clothes, so that you can donate them to a women's refuge. That way someone really does benefit, and your children are old enough to appreciate that some children their age will have had no toys this christmas, and have no clothes to wear other than what they were in when their mum took them there. On a peer to peer level, kids are much more able to appreciate what they have against what others their age may not have.